OpheliaSong Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Stop beating yourself up. You did nothing wrong. He was a jerk. Good to know now instead of a year from now.
Jame22 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 "Ok , I will take it that you don't want contact. Sorry for telling you about my feelings for you, I will move on, it was nice to meet you and all the best for the future. Next time you want to cut things off, just tell the girl rather than ignore, it's just saves time and anguish. Best of luck (insert name)." This makes me cringe! Mishy! you need to work on your texting skills:p! This is how you text someone you're not intimate with yet; Guy: Hey whats up? you: busy, lots of hmwk hbu? Guy: Same haha Guy: If you're free Thursday night we should get food! you: I think that works! Guy: Awesome! I'm thinking maybe 7ish? you: Great! See you then! Do not talk about your feelings! you can be flirty If he initiates..but whatever you do. No feelings! And whatever you do don't call yourself stupid!...I've been guilty of not following these rules before this before, but I'm learning. If a guy does not set up you up for this kind of conversation he's not very skilled in the first place.
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Next time, don't apologise. Don't do anything, if they're pulling a fade out, let them. If you can't tell someone you've been dating for a few weeks that you really like them without them freaking out, just who is at fault - you or them? I beat myself up too when things go bad, even when it's not my fault. This is definitely not your fault. Poo to him, he's a loser. My personality is more upfront so that's why I sent the goodbye text, just to acknowledge I see his fade out technique and I'm bailing out and moving on
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Awwww, I think you're cute. And he is immature. You just told your date of several weeks that you're really starting to like him. And he comes up with that???? Thanks Yeah it's pretty lame, I don't understand it. Calling me a sucker....
Jame22 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 My personality is more upfront so that's why I sent the goodbye text, just to acknowledge I see his fade out technique and I'm bailing out and moving on trust me, It's not necessary. I actually just sent a "I'm moving on" message to a girl few months ago. I learned my lesson..never doing it again. It's perfectly fine to make mistakes...but make sure youre learning from them! 1
Blade96 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 when I told my Russian "tutor" (ha! More like a crush!) who is russian and lives in Russia, that I liked him over Skype, he said this, which I translated. Of course I was fairly sure he'd respond because he'd been flirting and giving obvious signs. He still is. All the time giving signs. Да, романтизму нынче мало! Ударим романтизмом по безразличию и бездорожью! Расстояния не преграда, языковой барьер преодолим, как звуковой! ("Yes, a little romanticism now! Strike romanticism indifference on and off! Distances is not a barrier, the language barrier is surmountable as sound!") I believe very strongly that if a person cannot handle being told by their friend or acquaintance that they like them, it is a big sign of immaturity in my book. And your guy, i'm sorry, I do think he shows immaturity in my view. I've had to turn down guys, one who liked me and added me as a fb friend, but - he's a dad and I am childfree. So I told him how i relationship such as would not be comfortable with, in my view. He was a little sad - but he handled it well and - we still are very great friends. Besties. And I told him honestly that yeah i would have considered him because he is indeed awesome but our lives and beliefs are too different. What we wanted in life ar too different. But that he won't be alone very long, because he really is a great, nice sweet funny guy. So I turned him down and made him feel really good about himself at the same time. And then there were my friends, who I told them I liked. They only liked me as a friend, and told me so. It was honest, and mature. And they loved me as a friend. And they are awesome guys. And - story short - We're still friends. I am sorry about your guy, because as I said, Awwww, I think you are cute. And he is immature. 1
Kizza Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Good on ya! Wish you came to us with your text before sending because I do Not think you should have apologised! you did nothing wrong x 2
Jame22 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I believe very strongly that if a person cannot handle being told by their friend or acquaintance that they like them, it is a big sign of immaturity in my book. true! but never tell them over text. Another HUGE problem with the OP's approach was lack of confidence; Me: yeah the song is called " the girl who makes a fool of herself by telling a guy how she feels and he doesn't say anything in response" If you do decide show your feelings never take them back! And once again..you're not Stupid! don't call yourself a fool 1
Blade96 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 true! but never tell them over text. Another HUGE problem with the OP's approach was lack of confidence; If you do decide show your feelings never take them back! And once again..you're not Stupid! don't call yourself a fool She got nervous when he didn't respond. Its normal! I have done that also heh I still think she's cute. :)
Jame22 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I still think she's cute. :) I don't think it's cute :)... I have a history of dumb texting mistakes because I was too needy/desperate/nervous. It always seems like a good idea at the time, but when youre on the receiving end you realize how bad these types of messages sound. It puts the receiver on a pedestal. If you want to be in a healthy relationship each partner should be expressing equal interests. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 No I took it to mean I was teh sucker, yeah I'm pretty sure he meant me. We do talk like that to each other though as a joke, call each other names But after the sucker comment he just vanished, won't reply to me, nothing.... you answered your own question if you truly scared him he wouldnt have replied with a line that said sucker....would he? its not a scaredy cat thing to say its a thing you say when you are confident with the person you say it too in a joking manner will take it as a joke.......be calm....he will call....i feel it..if a guy offended me i woudl let him knwo if aguy scared me off i woudl say hey this istn wroking i wouldnt joke about it or take his heart any less serious than i take my opwn ...i feel most ordinary everyday people are this way...love to have fun but when seriousness is needed they are serious......he was having fun you wrote a jokey reply he returned it in kind.........deb
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 This makes me cringe! Mishy! you need to work on your texting skills:p! This is how you text someone you're not intimate with yet; Guy: Hey whats up? you: busy, lots of hmwk hbu? Guy: Same haha Guy: If you're free Thursday night we should get food! you: I think that works! Guy: Awesome! I'm thinking maybe 7ish? you: Great! See you then! Do not talk about your feelings! you can be flirty If he initiates..but whatever you do. No feelings! And whatever you do don't call yourself stupid!...I've been guilty of not following these rules before this before, but I'm learning. If a guy does not set up you up for this kind of conversation he's not very skilled in the first place. Doesn't matter, I am over dating. Cringe/ not cringeworthy, well it doesn't matter because he was going to continue to ignore me anyway . He is 45 years old, he should know better he should treat women better than call me a sucker for expressing my feelings 2
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 you answered your own question if you truly scared him he wouldnt have replied with a line that said sucker....would he? its not a scaredy cat thing to say its a thing you say when you are confident with the person you say it too in a joking manner will take it as a joke.......be calm....he will call....i feel it..if a guy offended me i woudl let him knwo if aguy scared me off i woudl say hey this istn wroking i wouldnt joke about it or take his heart any less serious than i take my opwn ...i feel most ordinary everyday people are this way...love to have fun but when seriousness is needed they are serious......he was having fun you wrote a jokey reply he returned it in kind.........deb Yeah and then he went completely silent He isn't going to call, I have sent a goodbye text anyway now, because I thought that's what he wanted- no contact, so I hardly think I will hear from him again
Jame22 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 he should know better he should treat women better than call me a sucker for expressing my feelings how do you know he wasn't trying to flirt with you? He could of been....
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 well when i replied, he ignored me. Basically since the sucker comment, he has ignored any texts i have sent. The sucker comment was the last one, and that was it. That was Thursday afternoon, its now 48 hours later. Still nothing. Doesnt seem to be like he is interested in anything let alone flirting.
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Not a good sign he didn't really respond to it other than that sucker line. Hes prob not very into you. Whether or not you want to bail (assuming he hasn't) is up to you. Theres a chance he could grow to like you more but you prob scared him off. I think most people do this at some point, don't beat yourself up over it. I sent him a goodbye text this morning that went like this : "Ok , I will take it that you don't want contact. Sorry for telling you about my feelings for you, I will move on, it was nice to meet you and all the best for the future. Next time you want to cut things off, just tell the girl rather than ignore, it's just saves time and anguish. Best of luck (insert name)." After the sucker comment and then just ignoring me for the last 2 days since he said "haha sucker" i have to assume he wants nothing to do with me. I tried to get a response, but it was met with silence.
Blade96 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Doesn't matter, I am over dating. Cringe/ not cringeworthy, well it doesn't matter because he was going to continue to ignore me anyway . He is 45 years old, he should know better he should treat women better than call me a sucker for expressing my feelings 45?? Oh dear. Real mature for 45. *sarcasm* Jame I respect your opinion, but Mishy is still cute to me. What she said was sweet. "I thought about you while you were away and couldn't stop" Awwwww. 1
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 thanks Blade. I am definitely not feeling very cute though. theres a whole other thing i missed telling you all Our whole communication thing is really dumb. We call each other "crappy" as a sort of jibe, its a long story but its a joke he originally had about my car. He thinks i have a really crappy car, and then i started calling him crappy, he started calling me crappy etc. Then on Wednesday in reply to an email he sent to me, where at the end he wrote "ps you suck" So i texted him and told him HE sucks (yeah i know, its dumb but he started it!) THEN he replies with "But you don't, i found out" STUPIDLY in my head i thought that meant that he was saying he likes me or something, maybe had some realisation when he was away... Ofcourse i didnt say that. Then when i texted him asking what he meant, he wouldnt respond....
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 anyway what does it matter, its all over now
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 45?? Oh dear. Real mature for 45. *sarcasm* Jame I respect your opinion, but Mishy is still cute to me. What she said was sweet. "I thought about you while you were away and couldn't stop" Awwwww. he should know better
CrystalCastles Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 45? Ha! I was picturing some immature 16 year-old! 4
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 45? Ha! I was picturing some immature 16 year-old! that made me smile i am pretty hurt by the ignoring If he had just REPLIED and said thats nice but dont think about you that would have been heaps better than the silent treatment
CrystalCastles Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 that made me smile i am pretty hurt by the ignoring If he had just REPLIED and said thats nice but dont think about you that would have been heaps better than the silent treatment Yeah well the reason why he's doing it it's because ignoring is always easier to do than growing some balls and letting the woman know you're not interested. Being silent is cowardly. Silence isn't something easy to interpret, and it leaves the other person hanging on, and hoping, longer than they should. 2
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Yeah well the reason why he's doing it it's because ignoring is always easier to do than growing some balls and letting the woman know you're not interested. Being silent is cowardly. Silence isn't something easy to interpret, and it leaves the other person hanging on, and hoping, longer than they should. exactly.... its such a time waster.
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