Is he following my request or really just pursuing friendship?

[simplicity1]

I met a guy online and have started genuinely falling for him (surprisingly, because of my skepticism towards online dating).

 

I indicated on my profile that "I hope you are looking for friendship first because my best relationships have grown from a gradual progression from friendship to romance."

 

We've been on 4 dates over a two week period and each time my attraction towards him has grown. I think we would both comfortably say that our personalities click, but here's the thing. He teases me a lot in conversation but has made nearly no physical contact (hardly even light touches). I'll do it a little to him in conversation.

 

In some ways, this is great! It's exactly how I like it- genuine investment of time into becoming friends...crazy build up of attraction, UNCERTAINTY whether the other person is spending time with you in pursuit of friendship or more. This is what I want because it feels more genuine and less conventional to me.

 

However I'm now left with the uncertainty On the one hand during the three last dates he planned our next one before leaving me, and our 5th date is planned for a couple days from now. He clearly has some level of intrigue, and teases me a lot and is willing to talk about a lot of things with me. On the other hand, he has made little to know physical contact despite my casual attempts during conversation, *and* he logs back onto the dating site like clockwork once every morning and once every night (I can see this from my friends account..I haven't been logging on very much to my account). Maybe it's just become a part of his routine since it's so precisely when he wakes up and before he goes to bed?

 

So...is he just respecting what I said and moving very slowly, building up a friendship first through the very frequent dates he's been planning, waiting for the natural moment for more?

 

OR, is he still unsure, or not feeling physical attraction, or just pursuing friendship, or playing the field (Not sure how he could..between his business trip and our dates there would hardly be time to see other people in the last couple of weeks).

Edited November 22, 2013 by simplicity1

[Philosoraptor]

Well it sounds like he likes you, but respecting your wishes also leaves him at a risk of being friendzoned so he's may be just keeping his options open. Regardless if you've not had any sort of exclusivity talk then he's free to date and talk to anyone he wishes.

 

If you're worried about the lack of progress when you wanted to take it slow you should do something about it.

[DrSimple]

If he has gone on 4 dates with you (and is planning a 5th), I would say there is a 99% chance he likes you. Maybe his approach is due to how he thinks you want to be approached.

 

If you want to know just ask the question "Where is this relationship going?". Often times in life the hardest questions are the ones that need to be asked. Take a stand and get rid of your uncertainty.

 

It is quite likely that since you put up the "friend wall" when approaching dating that the male wants positive affirmation to advance past that stage. If you put up the barrier don't expect men to break it down when all you need to do is open the door.

Edited November 22, 2013 by DrSimple

[simplicity1]

Thanks for the feedback. Should I make anything of his regular morning and evening logins to the dating site?

[DrSimple]

Thanks for the feedback. Should I make anything of his regular morning and evening logins to the dating site?

 

Make what of it? You aren't in a relationship, so he is most likely just continuing to keep his options open.

[simplicity1]

so just took another look at his profile. Usually I assume that if a guy is listed as single and interested in meeting girls he's well, looking for a partner. Despite reading his profile many times I seem to have slipped over the part where he only lists in one of the okc checkmarks "for new friends".

 

real crash. Do people who only indicate friends usually mean that strictly? Has all this hanging out we've done been purely platonic in his mind? ugh.

[joystickd]

so just took another look at his profile. Usually I assume that if a guy is listed as single and interested in meeting girls he's well, looking for a partner. Despite reading his profile many times I seem to have slipped over the part where he only lists in one of the okc checkmarks "for new friends".

 

real crash. Do people who only indicate friends usually mean that strictly? Has all this hanging out we've done been purely platonic in his mind? ugh.

You set yourself up. You wanted friends first hoping to control the dynamic of the relationship by pretending to be not as interested and hoping he would by the use of the guise of friendship be more invested in this situation but it bit you in the ass because now you are into him more than he is you. Manipulators only open themselves up to manipulation

[DrSimple]

so just took another look at his profile. Usually I assume that if a guy is listed as single and interested in meeting girls he's well, looking for a partner. Despite reading his profile many times I seem to have slipped over the part where he only lists in one of the okc checkmarks "for new friends".

 

real crash. Do people who only indicate friends usually mean that strictly? Has all this hanging out we've done been purely platonic in his mind? ugh.

 

If a guy lists "looking for friends" he is also likely looking for a girlfriend. I wouldn't put to much stock into a simple check mark.

 

STOP OBSESSING AND BREAK THE ICE. Just ask him where things are going, then you will know rather then be guessing.

[simplicity1]

Thanks for telling me what I need to hear. Wish there was a way to ask him over text prior to our next date in a few days but I know it's best to wait.