"If you love them, set them free" - how many of you actually believe this?

[iceisles]

This seems to be one of the most common trains of thought on here - if you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you, then it's meant to be. How many of you all really believe this? It sounds like a line more suited for a Hollywood movie than real life. Most times it seems like people don't come back on their own, and even then it's after a significant effort from one partner or another. Do most of you feel that after a breakup, there is no reason to fight for the one who dumped you? Sometimes people make hasty decisions, and I've known folks who have walked away from supposedly "lost hope" situations that did, in fact, have quite a bit of potential to be repaired. Many times, all that was needed was a little space for both partners to sort out issues in their lives.

 

If you're the kind of guy or girl who always has a ton of prospects, it's probably easy to make your ex yesterday's headline. After all, if you're a babe/hunk magnet, there are plenty of fish in the sea. But what about the rest of us? In your experience, have you yielded better results just walking away from a broken relationship or has exhausting every effort to reconcile been successful?

[blind_otter]

I think that sometimes you can truely love someone, but circumstances, environment, emotional baggage - can make it impossible to be with that person.

 

In many ways I will always love my exhusband. I love him still, I can honestly say. I made a herculian effort to try to rebuild what we had. He didn't want me anymore. He decided to stay angry instead. So I will always love him, it's been almost 2 years since he left and I still love him. But I know, in my heart, that we can't be together (at least in this lifetime), so I let him go.

 

Love isn't the thing that makes a relationship work. It's a whole lot of other stuff. If the other stuff doesn't jive, no matter how much you love, you won't be able to make it work.

 

I am of the opinion that anything worth having is worth fighting for. But not everyone thinks like me. At a certain point you need to walk away just to preserve your own dignity and sanity.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I completely hold with that. I never liked the idea of 'letting someone go' in order to show them that you love them so much as I believe in letting them know they always have the choice to go if they need to.

 

I believe in loving with an open palm rather than a closed fist. Imagine holding a small creature in your open palm. They might leave, they might stay - but they'll sit there pretty contentedly in the meantime - but if you close your fist and squeeze, they will struggle to get away. I see relationships the same way.

 

All relationships should be like all luxury buildings and come equipped with emergency exits. Note that even the most safe and comfortable of places have fire exits. You may never find a need for the fire exit, but the thought of them being there is comforting should you need them.

 

I would no more check into a relationship that didn't have an emergency exit than I would check myself into a luxury hotel with no fire exits or fire exits that are chained off and inaccessible.

 

Being with someone should always, always be a choice. Take away the choice to leave or make the choice impossible to make, and you have turned love into a trap.

[iceisles]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Love isn't the thing that makes a relationship work. It's a whole lot of other stuff. If the other stuff doesn't jive, no matter how much you love, you won't be able to make it work.

 

I wholeheartedly believe this, as well. I still love my ex, and I'm sure she still feels the same way about me deep down. But we were 3 hours apart, and for someone who craves affection, I think the distance killed her. Being apart made her depressed, and I know she felt - I was going through that, too. I was able to fend off those feelings because I believed in us, but I think sometimes those other circumstances can cause a relationship to crumble. No matter how much she cared/cares for me, I guess it would have never worked out (or for much longer, anyway) being so far away. It's just hard, because I love her very much, and yet I can't change the circumstances that likely caused our demise.

[debs]

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I will always love my exH.

 

But circumstances as they were he was in love with her and proved it to me by his actions. So I did the right thing for him and myself. I set him free. No fighting, no argumenting! I grew tired of his lying and his denial about her......He was good to me while we were together but I always had this black cloud over my head and realized it was time to just let go!

 

Hurt? Depressed, that was inevitable. I was that way before he left.

 

People said "age" made no difference and I tried really hard to believe him and others but sorry it does make a difference. As I posted in another post he is 35 I am 49. Funny how much of a smooth talker he was and now how many lies I have uncovered.

 

Am I better for it, YES! I survived near 10 months now and I have grown emotionally and spiritually! No longer do I wonder if he is talking to her, no longer do I wonder if he is planning on leaving with her. He lives with her now and that is his choice. He deserves to be happy as I deserve to be happy!!! Happiness is my choice!

 

lol no their are no men busting down my door! I am not near ready to date! In time I will be but for now this time is for me!

[iceisles]

I know at some point I will have to accept that I have done all I can. One of life's hardest lessons is that effort does not always equate to success. You can give it your all and still come up short. I just don't know when that point will be for me. A few days? A few more weeks? Surely I can't go on forever thinking that there must be something else I can do. For me, being able to move on will involve me feeling like I have gone above and beyond, that my feelings for her are demonstrated clearly and concisely. In essence, I am fighting for the future - the rare possibility that, maybe many years down the road, under different circumstances, she may come looking for me.