winter_02 Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 I have been with my BF for 5 months. I do love and care for him and his children. He is a great guy, devoted son and a wonderful Dad. My children adore him. I've been getting these weird feelings lately. And I hope I am wrong. I guess when we started going out I was blinded by everything and so "in love" that I didn't pay to much attention to any red flags. I think he is a pathological liar. And this is something that I just can't come out and ask him. I don't think he does this intentionally. He really believes what he says. And his kids do too. But, I like to see proof of what he says. I've been doing an internet search on what to look for. If anyone has been in this situation, hopefully, you can help me out. I'm a little bit scared now, because I don't know what to do. Or maybe I am just overacting. Some of the things he says are mostly stories about himself. Like, he had alot of drama in his life. All this money he says he has, but I don't see it. People he knows, but I don't meet them. Could this just be typical bragging? Or something more?
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 My mother is like that. She gave me up for adoption when I was 2 and then hunted me down when I was 12. I always had a fantasy about my 'real mother' to escape the reality of my stepmother and the abuse she piled on me, and when my mother showed up - she fed right into that fantasy. She was everything I could have hoped for: personable, loving, really cool - basically too good to be true. She screwed up my life with her stories and revisionist history. She had me believing stuff that simply wasn't true - and it tore me and my family apart. My father tried to warn me, but to no avail. Its frightening, really - even to this day. She'll say stuff that is purely fiction - usually stuff that is meant to impress people or garner sympathy. Things she supposedly did or said, illnesses or 'near death experiences', overstating or exaggerating her status in various organizations, and so on and so on. She makes up stories about how I was conceived, how her marriage went to my father, how it ended, and how she has lived her life. Its almost as if she is creating the existence she always wanted and revises history in her mind to match that with the things she says. What is utterly terrifying is that as soon as she says these things - they become her reality. I don't think she can distinguish between her 'little white lies' and what reality is. It is sad when you finally see the house of cards for what it is. Infuriating, because you know that you can't do anything about it - and try as you might you find that you can no longer believe anything they say no matter what it is. The only thing I can tell you is that your man is going to have to first recognize that something is wrong, and second - want to seek out help for it. That won't be easy, because people in this situation often start out knowing they have a problem but as time goes on - they become lost in their own delusions, and adapt a reality in which nothing is wrong with them. So, they don't see any reason to seek out help. And the kids are going to believe him - they might have some creeping doubts there, but it will take a major revelation before they will be able to accept it. I remember when I realized and accepted what was going on with my mother. I was in my middle twenties with a child of my own before I could fully accept that my mother was a pathological liar bordering on outright delusional. I just keep her at a distance. I'm polite, but I won't enable her problems by playing into her delusions. The best way to do that since she is incapable of seeing that anything is wrong is by keeping my distance. I hope that you can find a way to cope with your man in this situation. It may take some time, and many many instances of 'catching him in a lie' before you can decide what to do. Pathological liars are very very good at being exactly what you want them to be in order to keep you. Hopefully he is not a pathological liar, and you can work things out with him - but protect your heart and do what you think is right for you.
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