Got stood up on the 1st date!

[OrangeSnack]

Basically we got setup through a mutual friend.

 

Picked a place and time. She confirmed with me in advance.

 

I got there a bit early. The place was full so I called her to see if she's there. Goes directly to her voicemail, but no voicemail is setup lol. So I decided to get a number and wait. A few minutes goes by, I found 2 empty seats near the bar. I settled in and texted her. Basically told her that I found a place at the bar.

 

30 minutes goes by. I called her and she didn't pick up. No voicemail is setup.

 

Waited for about an Hour and 30 minutes. Then I decided to say **** this I don't have time for this and left. I texted her basically saying that I had to go to an early appointment in the morning (excuse) and that we could reschedule for another time.

 

3 hours later, I get a text from her saying that she feels awful and that there was a misunderstanding. Apparently she was messaging me on her new phone and she got no responses so she thought I couldn't make it (lol, but I was there the whole time and the place isn't very big). She got home and saw my messages on her old iphone............ (lol) She said she wants to reschedule and that drinks are on her next time lol.

 

I don't even know how to respond to that...

 

I'm a very forgiving person but this is the first time I have ever gotten stood up. It feels awful. Writing this makes me want to punch the wall but whatever, **** happens. I understand. But I want to hear from the LS community. What do you guys do in my situation. 2nd chance? Or just move on?

 

My heart tells me to give her a 2nd chance because damn, I'm just a nice guy. But I've been screwed many times in the past and I feel like I need to play the "f you" card.

 

Thoughts?

[Purepony]

Give her a second chance, it could be an honest mistake.

Next time make sure she gets there first.

 

By the way I don't know too many nice guys who get so mad they punch walls!

[MalachiX]

Depends on how you feel about her. Does she seem nice? Does she seem manipulative? Do you want to see her again? Do you want to trust her.

 

I get that it's hard to trust some people when you've been screwed over. I really do. Nobody wants to be a doormat.

 

Here's the problem though; if you assume that everyone is as bad as your worst experiences then your world becomes a lot smaller. You're probably scared that if you give it another try and she played you (and blew it off for some other reason) that you're going to feel like a dope. You're going to feel like you're weak and don't deserve respect.

 

Here's what I think: It takes a lot of strength to give people a chance and NOT react based on your worst experiences. Look at all the screwed up people on this board. Look at the men who think all women will use them or the women who think all guys are jerks. They don't seem all that happy to me.

 

If you think she might be someone who makes you happy and might have sincerely just messed up, the only thing you have to lose is a potential person in your life who could be good for you. If she decides to play to be deceptive after you've been cool about this, that's not on you. That's on her.

 

If you really like her then give it a try. If you get the same vibe as before then let her know you're not interested (don't even bother telling her why) and call it a day.

[MalachiX]

By the way I don't know too many nice guys who get so mad they punch walls!

 

That's kinda unneccesary.

 

People who are used get hurt and sometimes that makes them sad and frustrated. He didn't punch a wall. He just said that being toyed with makes him feel like it. Deciding to judge him for that is rather rude.

 

What do you do when a woman says, "when guys lie to me for sex, it makes me want to breaks plates!" Do you say, "I don't know many good women who break things!"

 

Let me put it another way, I'm a nice guy and I've wanted to punch a wall. Hell, I'm a nice guy and I HAVE punched a wall. It's a way to release frustration. Some people cry. Some people scream. Some people punch things (even therapists tell you to hit a pillow). These days I jog or lift weights when I feel like that (it's more productive); but I don't think the impulse to feel angry when you've been hurt makes me a bad person. If you do, then that's not my problem.

[Purepony]

That's kind of unnecessary .

 

Thank you jan from the brady bunch for the correction.

[Phoe]

Dang, hard to say.

 

She seems remorseful, and if you think she seems like the genuine type, then go for it.

 

 

do NOT go for it simply because you're a nice guy. Go for it because you think it's worth a shot.

[Purepony]

Haha ive never punched a wall over a woman you know why? ! Because no woman can control my emotions I own my own emotions!

 

I don't care if it's man woman child relative best friend X nobody controls my emotions I don't break anything for anybody... but hey thats just me

[Ninjainpajamas]

I'd drop her for stupidity and wasting my time...what are the chances she just happened to get a new phone on that day or the day before which prevented her from contacting you as well as not being able to find you in this relatively small place? but she didn't even show up, zero effort made.

 

I think it's pretty obvious she flaked on you for another reason, I'd be too irritated to continue on even if I was looking forward to it personally and I don't believe her anyway, judging from what you have said so far.

 

You waited an hour and a half, I'd have waited 30 mins tops while grabbing a beer. I've never been stood up so far but I wouldn't offer a second chance to have it done again if I was.

 

The choice is yours, but first impressions mean a lot to me and are an indication of future behavior in most cases so I'm pretty cut-throat with that...even with men/any kind of business. People are always remorseful when they know they f@cked up...doesn't mean they wouldn't do it again to you IMO, just that in the moment sorry feeling.

[MalachiX]

Thank you jan from the brady bunch for the correction.

 

Haha ive never punched a wall over a woman you know why? ! Because no woman can control my emotions I own my own emotions!

 

I don't care if it's man woman child relative best friend X nobody controls my emotions I don't break anything for anybody... but hey thats just me

 

For someone so secure with himself it seems a bit odd for you to judge others and be so thin-skinned when you get called on it.

 

I'm not perfect at this but I usually try not to dump on somebody who is already feeling bad...but hey, that's just me.

[OrangeSnack]

It's hard to say because I've only seen pictures of her and my friend had told me some information about her.

 

I guess I like her based on what my friend had told me lol

 

But I hope you didn't take it seriously about the fact that i wanted to punch a wall.

 

She said she texted me on her new phone but I got no texts and I had full signal lol.

 

I feel like an idiot waiting for an hour and 30 minutes. I know most people would have took off after 15-30 minutes. I have no idea why I waited that long.

 

I'm still indecisive about what I should do. I think I should clear my head for the evening and come to a conclusion tomorrow morning.

[greenfairie]

Omg. Well if I didn't know the guy well enough, I would definitely give him another chance since I don't know him well enough to judge and cut him off too soon just yet….

 

She might be genuine about the whole misunderstanding. She does have strength to even meet up with you again if it really happens after that first bad impression, so try and give her a bit of a break too

 

Good luck and let us know if you guys did meet up for drinks or something!

[Acacia98]

She said she texted me on her new phone but I got no texts and I had full signal lol.

 

I feel like an idiot waiting for an hour and 30 minutes. I know most people would have took off after 15-30 minutes. I have no idea why I waited that long.

 

She flaked out on you. That explanation sounds dubious. Why would changing her phone prevent her from reaching you if she still had your contact info? If, on the other hand, she had said her new phone wasn't working well or she had entered your contact info wrong, that would have made perfect sense.

 

If you're feeling generous, agree to meet her a second time. But, this time, make sure it's somewhere convenient for you and be willing to wait for 30 minutes max. If she's a no-show at the end of that time, you can go home or wherever, knowing for sure that she's flaky.

 

If you're not feeling particularly generous, be polite, tell her "Sure, I'll be in touch." Then simply forget about her.

[odin673]

This happen to me. My new phone was sending and receiving calls but my new one was receiving my texts.Almost stood someone up thinking they were standing me up. Give her another chance.

[SJC2008]

You waited an hour and a half and left and then offered her a reschedule?? Come paint my house for me.

 

She was texting you from her new phone and got your texts on her old phone. Ok, did you get texts from and unrecognized number on your phone?? Next.

[Gottabestrong]

That's a tough one. Even if you believe her excuse, supposedly she went there to meet you, right? So why did not she see you? You said the place was small and you were there the whole time. Does she know what you look like? I assume you kept looking at the door, did you see someone like her walk in?

 

I guess you could give her another chance if you believe her and really want to meet her, but I would downgrade it from dinner to a coffee in the afternoon.

 

Good luck!

[Zahara]

1.5 hours you were sitting there and she could not find you? I'd have to call BS on that one.

 

Also, you waited that long and then YOU offered to reschedule. ????

[DrSimple]

Honest mistake or not, to many red flags here. I could list all sorts of stuff but I think I might go over the character limit.

 

Move on.

[odin673]

Honest mistake or not, to many red flags here. I could list all sorts of stuff but I think I might go over the character limit.

 

Move on.

 

A technical error is a red flag? If you read the thread, you'd see that the exact same thing happen to me. My saving grace is that I had the old phone in my pocket and thought to check it before I went to my car. Had a few texts on the old phone asking me where I was.

[DrSimple]

A technical error is a red flag? If you read the thread, you'd see that the exact same thing happen to me. My saving grace is that I had the old phone in my pocket and thought to check it before I went to my car. Had a few texts on the old phone asking me where I was.

 

It is definitely possible, but likely not the truth.

 

Women have their phones glued to them, they will know if it is working or if it isn't. If a woman has a new phone they are more likely to have their old one around for a short time as a buffer (just like you!).

 

He showed up and waited despite not being able to contact. She choose not to because she didn't want to waste her time, if she was truly interested she would have at least shown up to see if he was there.

[StarsOnFire]

This happen to me. My new phone was sending and receiving calls but my new one was receiving my texts.Almost stood someone up thinking they were standing me up. Give her another chance.

 

Yeah, I don't know much about phones, but there's also the fact that her voicemail wasn't even set up. Which makes sense if it was a new phone/old phone situation.

 

I would give her another chance. What do you have to lose? I think you have a nice, laid back attitude about the whole thing, and honestly if she was ignoring you on purpose, she probably wouldn't have written back that night, and she probably wouldn't have asked for a second chance. She could've easily just never responded to you again, or never left it open for a second chance.

[OrangeSnack]

Thanks for the wonderful advices y'all!

 

I decided to give her a second chance. Texted her my new date but I haven't heard back (maybe phone problems again LOL, whatever).

 

Apparently my friend said that she had texted me several times before our confirmed date and that she didn't get any responses from me so she figured I bailed or just lost "interest." (Lol what) Well that was certainly not the case because I only received one text from her asking to me confirm the date. Anyhow, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and just be the better person. If things don't work out, like jayz once said "On to the next one." If I do hear back I will definitely go have fun but my expectations will be real low because of the previous miscommunication.

 

I see it this way, if a date was setup I will still go regardless if I am late or early because my interest level is there. A few weeks ago i had an important meeting in another country. My appointment was set at 12:00pm. I didn't get there until 12:40pm because the train was delayed and I had to go through immigration. The worst part was that I didn't have a cell phone so I couldn't get ahold of the person who was meeting me for lunch. I showed up 40 minutes later thinking the person would have bailed but long behold, she was still there waiting for me. Did I have a backup plan? Yes. But did I have a backup plan for last night? Nope. I just walked back to my car and went home, slept and ignored her message until my friend called me this morning saying that there was a misunderstanding.

 

It makes sense to an extent why she didn't show up. (Again, she kept messaging me but didn't hear back. But I never got the message. Maybe she was texting the wrong number LOL. And my phone is working perfectly fine). But I personally feel that if she had any interest she would have taken the time to show up and do a peek around. But maybe women are different. Anyway, thanks for hearing my rant. This is my first time being stood up and it truly truly sucks. I know I will get over it but the whole wall punching thing was just a joke .

 

I see why others wouldn't give her a chance and if I had that "**** it" mentality, I would do the same. Maybe that's why I've been so unsuccessful in the relationship world. People see my weakness and use it as their advantage and me being the laid back individual just takes it up the butt lol.

Edited November 22, 2013 by OrangeSnack

[OJ loved Nicole]

Give her a second chance, it could be an honest mistake.

 

^^NO WAY!! If I was scheduled for a date with someone I really wanted to get to know .... no chance I'm messing that up!!!

 

If she wanted to be there she would've been there: wrote it down, set an iPhone calendar, texted you her new #, etc.

 

P.S.: I'm a guy so "get to know" = "have money sex with" ;-)

[DrSimple]

Thanks for the wonderful advices y'all!

 

I decided to give her a second chance. Texted her my new date but I haven't heard back (maybe phone problems again LOL, whatever).

 

Apparently my friend said that she had texted me several times before our confirmed date and that she didn't get any responses from me so she figured I bailed or just lost "interest." (Lol what) Well that was certainly not the case because I only received one text from her asking to me confirm the date. Anyhow, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and just be the better person. If things don't work out, like jayz once said "On to the next one." If I do hear back I will definitely go have fun but my expectations will be real low because of the previous miscommunication.

 

I see it this way, if a date was setup I will still go regardless if I am late or early because my interest level is there. A few weeks ago i had an important meeting in another country. My appointment was set at 12:00pm. I didn't get there until 12:40pm because the train was delayed and I had to go through immigration. The worst part was that I didn't have a cell phone so I couldn't get ahold of the person who was meeting me for lunch. I showed up 40 minutes later thinking the person would have bailed but long behold, she was still there waiting for me. Did I have a backup plan? Yes. But did I have a backup plan for last night? Nope. I just walked back to my car and went home, slept and ignored her message until my friend called me this morning saying that there was a misunderstanding.

 

It makes sense to an extent why she didn't show up. (Again, she kept messaging me but didn't hear back. But I never got the message. Maybe she was texting the wrong number LOL. And my phone is working perfectly fine). But I personally feel that if she had any interest she would have taken the time to show up and do a peek around. But maybe women are different. Anyway, thanks for hearing my rant. This is my first time being stood up and it truly truly sucks. I know I will get over it but the whole wall punching thing was just a joke .

 

I see why others wouldn't give her a chance and if I had that "**** it" mentality, I would do the same. Maybe that's why I've been so unsuccessful in the relationship world. People see my weakness and use it as their advantage and me being the laid back individual just takes it up the butt lol.

 

Taking your chances on making a second date isn't a bad choice really, it is really just one of preference. You are only making a small investment in terms of time.

 

I have just seen what women with high interest are like, and this isn't one of them. I have had my share of duds to, and after so many I got tired of playing around with wishy-washy people. Although I can usually ballpark interest level (this took a lot of failed dates to learn! haha) from body language and communication, so I have an idea where I stand.

 

In my mind this woman might have done this:

 

Agreed to a date because her friend bugged/begged/convinced her to. She flaked, tried to make an excuse afterward so as not to hurt her friend. She secretly hopes you would just leave, but will suck it up and go on a pity date the second time to save face with her friend.

[MalachiX]

Bruised egos are a waist of time.

 

I once set up an online date with someone who seemed cool and seemed very enthusiastic. We had swapped numbers and agree on the time/place (simple coffee/book-store thing since I prefer to do something like with the first date on OLD since I don't know if they're nuts).

 

My schedule was tight and didn't have time to catch a shower until right before the date. I get out (with about 20 minutes to spare) and I find that she texted me once RIGHT after I got in the shower, asking to confirm, and then texted me 20 minutes later (rather long shower/shave/getting dressed) essentially saying that she was bailing because I hadn't confirmed and maybe we could do it another time (even though the location was far closer to her and she easily could have made it). I sent a text apologizing and explaining but she didn't text back. Some people get their egos hurt way too easily. It sounded from her text that she was pretty upset at the thought I might be blowing her off rather than the truth which is that I wanted to look good before I met her. When I NEVER heard back, I moved on as I don't want to go out with someone who is so insecure and easily hurt.

 

Everyone is right when they tell you that your date might still be screwing with you but so what? Don't kill yourself making plans for the next date but have fun with it. I'm a pretty cool guy and that other girl missed out because she thought I was playing her. There's a chance yours might be cool too so there's no harm in taking a risk.

[travelbug1996]

Just a preview of the coming attraction. Too many fish in the sea. Find someone who has integrity and respect and that's excited about meeting you.