Riou Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Was it the way they break up with you? Was it just you ego hurting about being dumped? Was it the reasons they gave? If you know where that pain comes from you will be able to let go better. 1
greenfairie Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think what I feel hurt most about is the communication how all the bad communication led to so much heartache and if we communicated better, maybe I'd be hurting less over the situation 2
freebird31 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Was it the way they break up with you? Was it just you ego hurting about being dumped? Was it the reasons they gave? If you know where that pain comes from you will be able to let go better. what hurt the most was how selfish he was. I had asked for my space to heal. and he was really selfish and kept contacting me. Also when he went out on a date with this girl a month after we broke up. hurt a lot that he moved on so quickly.
lykamaureen Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 all of the above. my ex dumped me 2 weeks ago via email saying that shes unhappy and to make matters worst shes been stonewalling me. didnt even give me a chance to say anything. its like 2 yrs and 2 months was nothing to her.
daughter_judy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What probably hurts the most is knowing how much I loved and trusted him and how much he doesn't care. Plus it's only been a month and he's already dating…a lot. 1
greenfairie Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 The month I picked up my ex from the airport, we were still trying to work things out since we were on a "break" but we talked every day, that was the month he started to **** around with my best friend behind my back while they were BOTH still maintaining contact and he was still stringing me along, telling me he loved me. Makes me feel like a loser to know I was a fool. That part hurts a lot.
LadyM Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What hurt most about my BU is that he quickly left me for a wealthy, professional woman from a famous family. How could a man who treated me so terribly get fortunate enough to enter into a relationship with a woman with all the stellar qualities he ever wanted? It stings so badly...
notthathard Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 The fact that she was not willing to work through the things that lost attraction for me. The intimate communication broke down, then the sex. All this happened while she dragged me through the rocks for a year and acted like nothing was wrong, made plans for us in future together, spoke everyday just like a couples do, do everything together, always wanted me to come out where ever she was, lived together. She turned out to be the most fake person I've ever known. Good actor really lol. 2
swimswithjeans Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What honestly hurts the most is a tie between two things: 1. He KNEW how excited I was to spend Thanksgiving with him - my favorite holiday and I was thrilled to be able to spend it with him. 2. The idea that we may never hold each other again. I fit so perfectly in his arms and I have been diagnosed as a severe insomniac (with night terrors when I do manage to sleep). With him, I could sleep almost always and well, and that comfort was far beyond anything I have ever imagined. With my other boyfriends, I could sorta sleep occasionally... But I was magically out like a light with him and i wonder if I'll ever experience that again. 1
2fargone Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 My pain mostly came from having my world turned upside down. And then from the 'withdrawl symptoms'. And the breaking of my trust. After I found out she had someone else, only some sort of void remained. But it gave me clarity. It had nothing to do with ego.
Shaine Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What hurts most for me is that we never got to say goodbye properly. I just want to have one last normal conversation with him. But he's being a jerk. I feel like he is possessed or something. 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think the fact that he constantly bailed on me and then this time just moved onto the next one so quickly like I meant nothing.
Salvatore85 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Losing the person I considered my best friend for the last 5+ years. When something exciting happens I immediately want to to tell her but then I have to remind myself that she doesn't care. 2
Author Riou Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 What hurt most for me was how she didn't communicate and her excuses that don't add up. People,i think when you share,do also indicate if you were the dumpee or the dumper.
HorseLuck Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) Dumper. I'm not sure if his intention was to have me break up with him first so he wouldn't feel guilty. In the process (after) he told me he shut off emotionally from me months prior. Why didn't he tell me that? I wonder if I could have saved the relationship if I had responded to that last argument differently. Second, he wasn't willing to give me another chance. Third, I didn't end the relationship properly to save face. Didn't want to break down. Not proud of it. Fourth, I was looking forward to the fall/winter time activities. Traveling, picking pumpkins. Damn, that's a lot. Edited November 22, 2013 by HorseLuck 1
Author Riou Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 What hurt most about my BU is that he quickly left me for a wealthy, professional woman from a famous family. How could a man who treated me so terribly get fortunate enough to enter into a relationship with a woman with all the stellar qualities he ever wanted? It stings so badly... Sounds like he was after money..
radiodarcy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I'm the dumpee. he never really gave things a chance to develop and just let things die out without any explanation. Whatsmore when i asked him what was going on, he kept assuring me that everything was fine, he wasn't seeing someone else, etc. but then he'd go back to ignoring me; until I had no choice but to take the hint and go NC
LadyM Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Sounds like he was after money.. Yes..... But not only that - She can supply him with all the right connections. He always craved and was searching for ways to find fame, admiration and status. A bit of a narcissist is he...
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I'm the dumpee. he never really gave things a chance to develop and just let things die out without any explanation. Whatsmore when i asked him what was going on, he kept assuring me that everything was fine, he wasn't seeing someone else, etc. but then he'd go back to ignoring me; until I had no choice but to take the hint and go NC I think this is quite common actually. My ex kept reassuring me everything was ok when I knew it wasn't. Just took him a long time to get the words out. I think part of him wasn't really sure about it. In the end it doesn't really matter. At the end of the day they don't want to be with us and there isn't anything you can do to change that.
radiodarcy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think this is quite common actually. My ex kept reassuring me everything was ok when I knew it wasn't. Just took him a long time to get the words out. I think part of him wasn't really sure about it. In the end it doesn't really matter. At the end of the day they don't want to be with us and there isn't anything you can do to change that. Yeah - - I think it's just easier for people to go that route so they don't have to look like the bad guy. I honestly have never dumped anyone. I can imagine it's not an easy thing to tell someone who has feelings for you that you don't feel the same and no longer want to be with them. So it's easier to just cut and run instead of spelling it out.
Author Riou Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Yes..... But not only that - She can supply him with all the right connections. He always craved and was searching for ways to find fame, admiration and status. A bit of a narcissist is he... Do you think he loved you? Or was he just a user. Yeah - - I think it's just easier for people to go that route so they don't have to look like the bad guy. I honestly have never dumped anyone. I can imagine it's not an easy thing to tell someone who has feelings for you that you don't feel the same and no longer want to be with them. So it's easier to just cut and run instead of spelling it out. you were blindsided.like everything was good,was fine.She just didn't communicate with you.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Yeah - - I think it's just easier for people to go that route so they don't have to look like the bad guy. I honestly have never dumped anyone. I can imagine it's not an easy thing to tell someone who has feelings for you that you don't feel the same and no longer want to be with them. So it's easier to just cut and run instead of spelling it out. I think what I find the most annoying and frustrating is the not talking about how he was feeling. I mean I think it's a shame that he didn't talk to me about it. Who knows why he decided it wouldn't work. I suppose only he knows. But we could of worked on some of it if i had known. Instead it's just easier to go this is too hard and bail and I really don't understand that way of thinking.
radiodarcy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 you were blindsided.like everything was good,was fine.She just didn't communicate with you. Pretty much. His action didn't match his words. He would tell me how I was the bright ray of sunshine in his day, contact me every day. And then all of a sudden the communication dropped off. I flat out asked him if he had lost interest, if there was someone else, etc. he kept insisting there wasn't. Then he would go quiet again. So I went NC. He contacted me a week later apologizing for being so silent that he had been busy with work, etc. Then he disappeared again. So at that point I made the decision to go full on NC and cut it off altogether to avoid anymore pain and confusion.
radiodarcy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think what I find the most annoying and frustrating is the not talking about how he was feeling. I mean I think it's a shame that he didn't talk to me about it. Who knows why he decided it wouldn't work. I suppose only he knows. But we could of worked on some of it if i had known. Instead it's just easier to go this is too hard and bail and I really don't understand that way of thinking. Agreed. While I've never really dumped anyone, I have told men in the early stages of dating when I don't think things are going to work out. And I'm up front about it. Some may think it's harsh but it's better than stringing someone along by saying nothing. In my case he just lied and told me everything was fine (and on his end it probably was) that he was sorry he as upsetting me, he would try to do better, etc. Then he would disappear again.
sun1972 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 For me the most painful thing is knowing it was down to me! That if i had done things differently we would be happy. 1
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