First time everything but I think I lost it all. Strugglerling to find the next step

[fireflyz]

Hey LS

 

Well I really meant it when I said first time everything and looking back i made so many misttakes its unreal. I'm also fairly sure I know what responses I'm going to get but apart from my parents I'm very alone.

 

I met this girl in a weird way. She was 19 and I was 20. She had a very tricky background with past relationships, fair too complex to type out, but she has a insecurity from losing her close friends that she likes to go along with any guy hitting on her just so she feels wanted. This backfires when she realises that they only want sex.

I didn't just want sex as when I said It was my first time that includes a really strong platonic relationship. I really liked her and after a while i saw that she really liked me. At this point she had a boyfriend and the fact she spent a lot of time talking to me meant the boyfriend was getting irritated.

 

I'm going to skip a lot of stuff even though some it might be useful but long story short we fall in love with each other while she still has the boyfriend. They have a messy breakup during which i can't seem to stop calling her at which point she sees a side of me she doesn't completely like but we continue like we were before.

 

We were never really going out as a label but everything we did implied we were. The problem soon after her break up we started fighting which was new. It wasn't too frequent at first but it got to the point when it was 2 times a week. Depending on the occasion either of us could be at fault but we were both too stubborn to admit it which let to pretty big fights.

 

So many times over the last 3 months she as said lets try just being friends/not seeing each other which within days goes back to us being like a couple. Last week she tried to break on contact by blocking me on skype, facebook etc but that was changed back within 24 hours. we spent the week at my flat which started really really well but then we had a small fight. She left on good terms but yesterday she said she should take a short break which then she said should be forever. No reply since.

 

For anyone who read this far a few other things that might be important.

-My education is currently going very badly and I'm very far behind and failing

- I'm broke

- I'm living in a tiny 1 bedroom place and have no life.

- My only real life interaction was with her

-My sleep is on average 4 hours a night. Not enough

 

Basically I just need some advice and words of comfort I guess. I can't seem to get over her as she is both my friend and my girlfriend.

 

I can't lose both I have no one else and I want no one else.

[Philosoraptor]

So pretty much she had low self esteem and was needy, but you were just as needy?

 

Look man, you need to get out there and work on your social life. Join a club, volunteer somewhere, join a meetup.com group... something. You can't make one person your entire world and sadly she was just using you for emotional comfort as she is broken inside which is why she will take anything that will have her.

 

If you take care of yourself and better your own life you will see that you need to cut her out of your life completely. She is an emotional vampire and will provide nothing for your life.