Over 6 months, still struggling.

[Sleepyhead]

Hi all. Looking for some advice from people who have been where I am. It's been quite literally the worst year of my life and I'm looking for hope-- not to get back together, but to be happy again.

 

I essentially lost my relationship because of an undiagnosed health problem, if you're interested I wrote another thread about it. Well, now the problem is diagnosed and I'm being treated for it, but it's hard to deal with (ex has no idea about the diagnosis). I'll have it for the rest of my life and it's progressive, meaning it will worsen over time. I've had to move back in with my parents after the break up and have been almost completely isolated from anybody my age for months. My social network has crumbled and I've been too ill to do anything about it. I am only 20 years old and should be having the time of my life back at college, but instead I am totally and utterly dependent on my parents. Even they pity me.

 

I am currently receiving therapy along with medical treatment for my condition, but it's still so hard.

 

This morning, my dog of 11 years unexpectedly died of a heart attack. She was fine last night. She just collapsed, and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I feel cheated-- I was there every minute for my ex through the death of his beloved dog (I was even the one that had to break the news to him), and I feel like I'm facing this alone.

 

I requested NC from my ex after the break up, and besides him trying to get info on me from our former friends, I have been in complete NC. We are strangers. I miss him everyday but have done the logical thing and tried to move on.

 

Thank you for any kindness or tough love you can provide.

Edited November 22, 2013 by Sleepyhead

[acidios]

wow..first of all i wish you the best for your health all that matters is for you to be better. my advice get into hobbies distract your self from eveything look your health first be stronger and life will be better dont give up on enything. call your friends read books watch movies,play video games just distract your self and focus on your health first when you get stronger continue your college just think that life will go up be strong

 

dont call your ex if he cares about you he will come.keep your mind on your future and your life. plz keep this post updated and write your feelings. i also face hard times right now no so hard like you but i know the pain to be alone in a health issue so plz write here i will be glad to suport you

[HorseLuck]

Hi sleepyhead. I checked out your post.

Have you seen an endocrinologist and gotten a IGF-1 test done?

You have a couple of options as far as medication goes right? You're still young, I would encourage you to keep pushing on and maybe eventually you can find a treatment option that yields better results for you. Do your research, see if there's any test you haven't taken that might help you to rule out what the actual cause is. I believe in you and that it can get better. Don't give up!

 

Would you ever be able to attend college?

 

I can sleep as many hours as you and feel tired all the time, so I can kind of relate. I just woke up from a nap and am about to go back to bed, lol. It sounds like you've done a lot for your age (traveled, skydived) so give yourself some credit. I would love to have done all of those things. You're not incapable, I hope you don't think of yourself as a pity care. You're just going to need some extra help and support along the way. Nothing wrong with that.

 

Are your friends aware of your condition?

 

 

I'm incredibly sorry about the passing of your pet. Mourn, experience the emotions and try not to be too hard on yourself at this time. She lived a long life, I'm sure you took good care of her and she was content in her years with you. I know it's too raw to think about now, but another pet in the future can be therapeutic. I couldn't go very long without having a companion animal after I had to euthanize my dog.

 

As for your ex, I think you should tell him about your condition if it's what you want to do deep down. I didn't read your entire post, I know you mentioned it sounded like an excuse. I'm not sure what's holding you back?

 

P.S.- Sorry for all the questions, I'm genuinely interested in the situation. If you ever need to talk, let me know and I'll figure out a way. I hope you get some relief from posting on these boards.

Edited November 22, 2013 by HorseLuck

[TheMoonBug]

I feel your pain. I know how it feels to be truly alone, and to basically feel like an infant that your parents have to take care of. My break up was unexpected, because I found out about my ex's secrets and lies, I snapped and I ended it right then and there. I said some awful things to him, and it wasn't just a shock to him, it was a huge shock to me as well. I would of never imagined I would say the things I said to him, and to this day I am fighting through major guilt that feels like it is killing me.

 

Also, this was two weeks before I moved away from home, to a strange town and started college. I was left in my apartment completely alone, no friends, no family. Because of the secrets my ex held from me, I feel worthless, and I feel guilty at the things I said to him. He was a neglectful boyfriend (almost two years of dating him), and while I was dating him I happened to have some traumatic things happen to me, to which he didn't really care. I was in a deep depression without a support system, and that was before the break up! After the break up, living on my own, no friends, no family, no one to talk to, piles upon piles of homework, taking care of myself... I had to take therapy. I've been diagnosed with something alone the lines of PTSD.

 

There are days where I can't get out of bed, I don't feel the need to eat, to days where I am completely hopeful and semi-happy. I eventually made some friends, but I spend most of my time alone because I need the time to think and heal myself properly. So, my answer to you is to take all the time in the world to heal. It is such a sad thing to lose a beloved pet, trust me. I've lost a few in my lifetime. But 11 years old is a good run for a pet, especially if you and your family took good care of him/her.

 

Right now, you ex isn't there. I'm sorry to say that it is over. It isn't his job to be there for you anymore, and that was something I had to learn myself and it really really hurts. But keep up with talking to people, spend some time with your family (I really wish I had some family where I live now). Appreciate what you've had, and what you have now. Write in a journal, cry as much as you can, scream and yell as much as you want, and the hardest part what I've found to do is get up and move. You don't need to workout hard at the gym or anything, a 20 minute walk helps me tremendously.

 

Right now you are mourning for two, I know how it feels. It is a completely natural process, and it will eventually pass.

[Sleepyhead]

Thank you for your kind words guys, I appreciate it. Haven't been able to stop crying since yesterday morning.

 

I'm actually in my junior year of college, but I haven't been able to be on campus since June. I moved back in with my parents 4 states away and have been taking online classes. I have not seen anyone my age for months, and after the break up, my former friends dropped me-- it was impossible to keep up a social life when you have schoolwork, pets and an apartment to tend to on top of 14 hours of sleep. They don't know about my diagnosis. I don't have a Facebook anymore so I have no idea what they're doing. I only talk to my best friend whom I knew before college, but she goes to college very far away and I haven't seen her in a long time-- she knows about my diagnosis but has her own life and her own boyfriend and lives far away, so I don't really have any support outside of my parents and my therapist.

 

I have had to put dogs down before too, and it's hard. But when you go to sleep and your dog is perfectly normal with plenty of energy, and in the morning she's lifeless... I can't describe it. She was kind of old, but wasn't ill or in pain and still acted like a puppy. It literally feels like a nightmare... I'm still in the denial phase of grief and keep thinking I hear her or see her around the house.

 

As for my ex, I don't know what's holding me back. I've just read so much about NC and I don't want to get hurt again, I'm still shattered. And like acidios said; if he cared he would have reached out in some way by now. I still have a lot of feelings of abandonment and anger towards myself for what happened, even as I approach 7 months post-breakup.

 

Today I saw a new psychiatrist that knows a lot about sleep disorders so I'm hopeful. I'll also be seeing a neurologist soon to run even more tests. Thanks for reading.

Edited November 23, 2013 by Sleepyhead

[acidios]

crying is good if you feel that you need to cry doit. heck next month i will be 32 years old male and if i feel that i want to cry i doit.dont hold your emotions use them to make you stronger. i cant talk you about pets i never had one coz here in the apartment that i live it will be hard to have one to live,not enough space.

i can feel your emotions about friends coz in my case most of my friends are merried they got their lifes and is not easy to call them or meet them.if we speak we speak for a little.you know its really hard to be single and dumped when all your friends got families.

 

plz keep this post updated if you feel bad write here.we all fight our demons so we all are allies here

[HorseLuck]

Thank you for your kind words guys, I appreciate it. Haven't been able to stop crying since yesterday morning.

 

I'm actually in my junior year of college, but I haven't been able to be on campus since June. I moved back in with my parents 4 states away and have been taking online classes. I have not seen anyone my age for months, and after the break up, my former friends dropped me-- it was impossible to keep up a social life when you have schoolwork, pets and an apartment to tend to on top of 14 hours of sleep. They don't know about my diagnosis. I don't have a Facebook anymore so I have no idea what they're doing. I only talk to my best friend whom I knew before college, but she goes to college very far away and I haven't seen her in a long time-- she knows about my diagnosis but has her own life and her own boyfriend and lives far away, so I don't really have any support outside of my parents and my therapist.

 

I have had to put dogs down before too, and it's hard. But when you go to sleep and your dog is perfectly normal with plenty of energy, and in the morning she's lifeless... I can't describe it. She was kind of old, but wasn't ill or in pain and still acted like a puppy. It literally feels like a nightmare... I'm still in the denial phase of grief and keep thinking I hear her or see her around the house.

 

As for my ex, I don't know what's holding me back. I've just read so much about NC and I don't want to get hurt again, I'm still shattered. And like acidios said; if he cared he would have reached out in some way by now. I still have a lot of feelings of abandonment and anger towards myself for what happened, even as I approach 7 months post-breakup.

 

Today I saw a new psychiatrist that knows a lot about sleep disorders so I'm hopeful. I'll also be seeing a neurologist soon to run even more tests. Thanks for reading.

 

Based on the content you've provided regarding your relationship, if you're still yearning to get him back I understand why you wouldn't want to reach out. The break-up sounds like it was for valid reasons, and he was equally as hurt about it. He inquired about you through your friends and at some point you stopped providing that information. It's a sign that he cares. Dumpers have their reasons for not wanting to reach out too. My point is, if you feel like you will eventually want to tell him about the diagnosis, I don't think there's much harm in that. It may help to bring the both of you closure as far as guilt is concerned. A way of saying ok he at least knows, now i can move past this. It isn't your fault, you had no idea what you were dealing with and he can't fault you for that, nor do I think he would. So, if it's going to help you, i say go for it- but you'd need to work through those feelings (guilt,anger,fear) as you see fit.

 

Keep us posted.

Edited November 23, 2013 by HorseLuck