Would Like To Hear Peoples Point Of View On This Whole Situation

[DownNtOut]

me and my ex gf split up a year ago. we had been going out for 10 months.

we kept in touch and met up about once a month for coffee or cinema.

in april i asked her if she would get back with me. she said no. we stayed

in contact and in july we went to a concert. she stayed over and we

hooked up that night. she stayed in bed with me til lunch time and then had to go.

a week later i went to her town and spilled my guts to her and said i was so in love

with her and wanted to be with her. she said she needed time to think as another ex

of her wanted to get with her. two days later she told me she was trying again with

her other ex, who lives in her town. she said she loved me in a friendship companion way.

 

a month of NC, she texts me to say she will be at the same music festival as me.

the 1st night we spend 4-5 hours dancing and i walk her back to her tent.

the 2nd day we spend together and kissed alot, seen loads of bands and had loads of fun. she suggested we spend the night together but not in a sexual way. we slept together the 2nd night.

the 3rd day we spent in each others company and with mates in a group.

after the festival i gave her space.

a month back i asked her to a concert and she agreed to go. we had dinner and the concert was great. its crazy how we can chat so easily.

when we got back to mine she was leaving i said to her maybe its better we dont see each other for a while.

we chatted for a hour, i asked her what was us being together at the festival all about as she had been back with her bf for a month. she said she never felt the way she feels with me with anyone else. said she could be herself with me.

i told her she is who i want to be with. i told her to to think about it. asked her to meet again in a week. she said she needed more time than that to think, i said ok. 3days later she text to say she was still thinking. i said take your time.

 

so i called her last friday to meet. we met monday. chatted for 4 hours in a cafe. i walked her to her car. asked her has anything changed. she said she was staying with her bf. she said her bf makes her feel the same as i do/did. she said she knows how i feel and that she would leave it up to me to contact her. she said she would never not want to meet up as friends. she said she loves to chat to me as she thinks im a great guy. i said i would need alot of time to heal and get over her.

 

during our chat in the cafe she asked me if i wanted to go on a trip with her and some other people. including her bf i guess. i not goin as i told her i dont wanna see her for now. shes left the ball in my court as to contacting her.

 

does she feel sorry for me?

what the hell was the last 6 months about?

was i ever really an option?

how long do you think her and the other ex will last?

should i never contact her again?

 

sorry about the long post

i just want other peoples point of view

 

thanks

[amaysngrace]

You ask a lot of questions that nobody can answer.

 

Why don't you ask yourself a question....how can you think so highly of someone who messes around on her boyfriend and messes with your own head so badly? Why do you think that's okay?

[mcfcjay]

How can she miss whats still there/so easily available... Go NC dont speak to her dont be so available... You only know what you had when its gone that saying is so unbelievably true.

[Simon Phoenix]

She is a cake eater and you are too weak to tell her no, so she's taking advantage of you. That's it.

[DownNtOut]

How can she miss whats still there/so easily available... Go NC dont speak to her dont be so available... You only know what you had when its gone that saying is so unbelievably true.

 

 

6 weeks of NC

staying strong

thank you

[DownNtOut]

She shouldn't need to think this long. You either want someone, or you don't. If you can handle being her friend, continue being her friend. If not, cut her loose, because she's not as into you as you are into her.

 

hey thanks for your comment

your right

ive done 6 weeks NC

just have to forget her

[solostman]

Oh man I feel you man; it's a twisted thing, kind of just happened to me. You need to stop waiting and move on.

Ex kinda got back together, well acted like we were dating but wasn't official

slept together etc, talked about getting back together and trying to fix everyting blah blah

she told me she was comfortable blah blah

 

then out of nowhere when i started to develop feelings again

she says be friends

then

dont' talk to me ever again

 

We deserve so much better.

Why be someone's option?

If someone really cared/loved us, we wouldn't be just an option, they would be with us and working things out, takes two for a relationship not one

all the cliche lines man.

 

it's so hard especially when you love someone so much

it's so hard to accept that the one you love , is also the very person who isn't meant for you, or isn't good for you.

 

I think what you're trying to find is closure;

sometimes there won't be,

sometimes what you are looking for won't even be enough to close the gaps,

any parting words she might say to you or explanations, they might not close anything.

you must find it in yourself,

worry about yourself,

I'm trying hard to find closure within myself , and accepting that things are done and I should be moving on and caring about myself made it easier to realize that there might not be closure and it's best to leave it in the past.

it's hard but all of us suffering here we can do it

I have my days

but it's getting easier.

Hang in there man!

[DownNtOut]

Oh man I feel you man; it's a twisted thing, kind of just happened to me. You need to stop waiting and move on.

Ex kinda got back together, well acted like we were dating but wasn't official

slept together etc, talked about getting back together and trying to fix everyting blah blah

she told me she was comfortable blah blah

 

then out of nowhere when i started to develop feelings again

she says be friends

then

dont' talk to me ever again

 

We deserve so much better.

Why be someone's option?

If someone really cared/loved us, we wouldn't be just an option, they would be with us and working things out, takes two for a relationship not one

all the cliche lines man.

 

it's so hard especially when you love someone so much

it's so hard to accept that the one you love , is also the very person who isn't meant for you, or isn't good for you.

 

I think what you're trying to find is closure;

sometimes there won't be,

sometimes what you are looking for won't even be enough to close the gaps,

any parting words she might say to you or explanations, they might not close anything.

you must find it in yourself,

worry about yourself,

I'm trying hard to find closure within myself , and accepting that things are done and I should be moving on and caring about myself made it easier to realize that there might not be closure and it's best to leave it in the past.

it's hard but all of us suffering here we can do it

I have my days

but it's getting easier.

Hang in there man!

 

im the same, somedays i dont care.

but then its like a magnet turns on and

all my bad feelings and longings for her

flood back.

 

but your right, i have told her how i feel

she doesnt feel the same

best to not see her

[DownNtOut]

Great job not talking to her for so long! I think you've probably learned from this that friends with benefits doesn't really work, AND it never works to see your ex once in awhile in the hopes of getting back together.

 

You really have to disappear to give them a chance to miss you. And you both need to change and have a fresh perspective if it is ever going to work again.

 

I think it's good you're moving on because that will probably not happen here. Not after everything she's said to you about having the same feelings for other people and being generally unsure. Sometimes even when exes get back together, one of them starts wondering about stuff the other person said when they were struggling. I.e. "did they really love that other guy more than me?" "did they really mean it when they said they didn't want me?" etc. It's hard to get over those things, even if you do reconcile and get back together. And those are the things that will eat you alive from the inside.

 

Anyway best of luck!

Caitlin

 

thank you for your advice

i am working on myself

making myself happy, for ME

the only way to do that is not see her

as much as i want to

[DownNtOut]

8 weeks NC

finding it hard today

kinda expected a happy xmas or a happy new year text

i got neither

miss her like crazy

 

ughhhhh

[True Gent]

Keep your head up and keep going. Well done so far!

[flightplan]

Sounds like to me she was keeping you as an option in case her other BF didn't work out. There are women who want to remain friends just in case their current situation doesn't suit them, then they can always call on you to take them back. Good work on the NC.. and if she ever reaches out, you should guard your heart, because you we're her backup plan... and she'll do it again.

[DownNtOut]

thanks guys

it means alot

[DownNtOut]

3 months NC

i think of her alot less

but still defo cudnt see her in person, it wud freeze me to the spot

[Trep]

3 months NC

i think of her alot less

but still defo cudnt see her in person, it wud freeze me to the spot

 

Good job and keep it up! You deserve better

[DownNtOut]

thank you

[DownNtOut]

4 months NC now. it is getting easier. some days i dont think of her at all.

but other days im still thinking of her and things we did and said. valentines day was hard.

I know i would not be able to deal with seeing her in person. im hoping to move on enough eventually that if i did bump into her that i wouldnt freak out.

[DownNtOut]

i was feeling great. now all of a sudden she is on my mind constantly. I feel like we said goodbye just yesterday. lots of thoughts about her going trough my head. yuck!

[DownNtOut]

5 months on from the last time i seen her. I have managed not to contact her in anyway. Im keeping busy and it doesn't hurt as much as it did. I thought i seen her the other day, my heart began to race. It wasn't her but I was surprised at how freaked out i became before i took a second look. I think about her everyday still.

 

been having some bad weeks, it this part of the letting go?

actually facing up to the fact she wont be in my life.

it feels like the break up is fresh. I wonder if she ever thinks of me.

as i said its 5 months since we last communicated

[DownNtOut]

6 months NC, i feel great about myself

[loveandwar]

well done! and thanks for updating this, it nice to see good progress for once i really think you made the best choice with NC on this, that first post had so many red flags! keep up the good work!

[DownNtOut]

hey thanks,

 

it can be hard some days, like a switch gets turned on and i think of her and miss her. but most days now i dont think about her too much. as you said, lots of red flags. things i am only now beginning to think about and understand. time is giving me perspective.

[nutcheesy]

hey thanks,

 

it can be hard some days, like a switch gets turned on and i think of her and miss her. but most days now i dont think about her too much. as you said, lots of red flags. things i am only now beginning to think about and understand. time is giving me perspective.

 

Am going through the same thing as you. NC day 16. Your giving me a lot of hope that this too shall pass. Did you ever have the urge to stalk your ex online? To know if she's still tgt with him? How do you control these urges and just move on..? What are you doing to get better? Self discovery, parties, hooking up? Can i know more in details? I hope to get to a stage where she wouldn't control my emotions anymore..

 

Thanks!

[nutcheesy]

Also, these 6 months.. did she try to breadcrumb you in any smallest ways?

[DownNtOut]

Am going through the same thing as you. NC day 16. Your giving me a lot of hope that this too shall pass. Did you ever have the urge to stalk your ex online? To know if she's still tgt with him? How do you control these urges and just move on..? What are you doing to get better? Self discovery, parties, hooking up? Can i know more in details? I hope to get to a stage where she wouldn't control my emotions anymore..

 

Thanks!

 

She is still a facebook friend but i took her off my news feed. I still have her number but dont use it. For the 1st 4 months i thought about her alot and wondered if she was still with him. but from using this forum and talking to others on here, i learned to keep telling myself if she was right for me and i for her, we would have sorted it out. she choose him. and secondly that there is someone better out there for me. someone who is worth waiting for.

 

my case isnt that simple but thats it in a nut shell. many people will tell you to unfriend and delete. if you need to do that do it. the last time i saw her i told her that i wouldnt be talking to her for a while and left it at that.

 

Might be a different case if she contacted me. but i hope she doesnt. i have alot more healing to do. but im on my way. I am not hooking up with any other girls but i do go out with friends and socialize. i do photography as a hobby and my other thing is exercise, i go for a walk once a day for a hour or maybe two.

 

so thats me right now

hope my words help you