what a situation

[what a situation]

I must warn fellow readers that this is a long post since I have reached a point where I need to get all my feelings/experiences down on paper in order to receive proper insight from people in a similar situation or with helpful comments.

 

I have been with my girl friend for 18 months now. We moved in together at the beginning for about 5 months until work commitments caused us to change addresses. During that period there were multiple visits to our respective towns so we kept in contact.

 

She was going through stress of work and academic commitments. I helped despite having the same workload. I basically carried her along her studies from editing, writing, etc. I did things that I did not expect to have to do but did willingly at the time. During the process the treatment and verbal communication was very harsh and she constantly put me down so I merely disregarded all of it since I do not let anyone affect my mindset. Similar thing happened with a previous relationship and I vowed to never let it happen again.

 

I am relatively aware when problems exist therefore on countless occasions I inquired what issues were lingering since I love communication. In this instance everything was blamed on me and what I do with a blatant disregard for her actions and treatment toward me. Recently when I discussed this with her she just hung up the phone on me!

 

I have stood by her and tried to support her, without any sense of resentment or thinking I am owed something since it is someone I truly love.

 

Certain things have come to my attention that really made me feel so alone and used. We can be in the same room and she starts texting another man and I was even called his name during a time where she had consumed some wine. Needless to say she shifted everything to make me out to blame.

 

I witnessed such immature behavior i.e. talking in code with her close friend about this man! I am not stupid. I preferred to let it play out instead of exploding because I see that as a way of letting her know she has not got to me.

 

She is now very short with me and even when I send her a good night message and in the morning asks why I wrote what I wrote?? Since when is saying ‘good light love you’ something that can be misinterpreted as negative?

 

As mentioned before whenever I discuss these things with her calmly she says I am complaining or whining.

 

I know I would never hang up the phone on her despite the hurtful things she has said to me on so many occasions. The saddest part is that 18 months in I still remember every single word!

 

I have been told she has supported me too, we have had good times but I fail to see how she has helped me.

 

I helped her during the most difficult time of her life, as she said and am none the wiser or happy about it. Grief is basically the only thing on the agenda. Social outings are planned I even buy gifts but I realize my logic is flawed. I thought that going out and some nice things would help sustain an enjoyable environment.

 

I realize relationships should not aim for enjoyable but something far more intense and heart warming.

 

I feel we are friends now.

 

I have reached the point where I forgive all past hurts she has caused since it the only way to maintain my sanity ☺ What I mean to say is that I find this choice far better than turning into a version of her and just lash out all the time.

 

It took time since knowing someone you love is busy ‘looking around’ with the pretense of ‘looking out for her life.’

 

I mean how does one respond to that? She is excusing her disrespectful and immature behavior on the grounds of looking out for herself.

 

Relationships should be based on concrete emotional foundations and not just backed by financial strength.

 

I find myself wondering when I become successful and her treatment may change, what does that say about her?

 

I have not discussed this with anyone and I so I write since it is a therapeutic process for me.

 

Last thought is that my previous relationship lasted 18 months and ended in November and I do not want another deja vou. Just as silly is the fact that I will be traveling home with her on the same flight soon. Having been in a similar situation in the past with an ex in the same place it is again a thing I do not look forward to experiencing.

 

Why do I have to instigate things, if she is unhappy why not tell me. She wants me to make the choice in order to avoid coming across as 'mean?' We are adults not teenagers.

 

I am happy to provide insight on the relationship but would rather do that if that were required since I do not want to overwhelm readers.

 

 

I await eagerly for your input.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my life.

[Philosoraptor]

Her verbal abuse should have been your cue to end the relationship early. On top of that otherwise she treats you like crap and spends her time talking to other men. You're not "not letting it affect you", you're being the perfect doormat.

 

Why in the world are you with this person? She offers nothing to your life and treats you like crap. There are 3.5 billion women on this planet and most would treat you a hell of a lot better than this woman does.

 

Here's what you need to do: You walk up to her and say "You treat me poorly and I deserve better" then walk out of her life. Relationships should bring positive things to your life and you two are clearly not compatible. As of right now you are doing nothing but wasting your time in a relationship that doesn't make you happy.

[Absinthe]

You have been emotionally manipulated and abused for so long by this girl that you've begun to normalise her behaviour. What she is doing is not on, and you need to get out.

 

I realize relationships should not aim for enjoyable but something far more intense and heart warming.

 

What? Of course relationships should be enjoyable. They can't be enjoyable all day, every day, no, but the alternative is not a constant stream of abuse.

 

Last thought is that my previous relationship lasted 18 months and ended in November and I do not want another deja vou.

 

Your dating history is not like your CV. You don't need to stay in a terrible relationship which is causing you emotional damage just so that future partners will go "oh he looks stable, he's had a five year relationship".

[what a situation]

All week the communication has been practically non-existent aside from a 3 minute phone conversation in a very frustrated tone.

 

I am not talking to a woman, I feel I am talking to an army officer!

 

 

I am focusing on my work at the moment but I can say that this is hurtful treatment. Getting shouted at is not my cup of tea.

 

Getting my thoughts down on paper though helps me deal with this mean behavior.

 

I thank those for their reply.

[salparadise]

Open your eyes! Men don't have a monopoly on abusive behavior. She's verbally abusing you and messing around texting other men in your presence even. This relationship is undermining your sense of self. Why are you are passively soaking up all the crap she can dish out? Are you masochistic, codependent or do you have ideations that a loving, caring woman might miraculously inhabit that body someday? This relationship is over, the only question is why you haven't left. Why haven't you?