lovekris16 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I honestly think this guy that I’ve been seeing is stalking me and he probably has been for months before dating. I work at a public library and he’s one of my patrons. He told me a few days ago that he has been watching me for months now before we started dating. About a week ago, I posted a thread about his possessive behavior.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]This was the post:[/FONT][/sIZE] I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months, so the relationship is still fairly new. From what I can tell, he’s a great guy and I really enjoy the times we’re together, we always have an awesome time. Recently, we slept together and the sex was amazing. During sex, he kept sayings things like I better never give myself to another man and that I was all his. (Really didn't bother me, b/c he was enjoying what he was feeling, right?) After sex and we cuddle, he kept saying things like that I belong to him and he didn’t know what he was cable of if he found out I was seeing someone else and that he didn’t trust himself if he was found in that type of situation. That night when I kiss him, he said "do me a favor and don't ever put you lips on me if they have been on another man". Because of his weird behavior, I asked him have he been cheated on in the pass and he claims he hasn’t. Next day, he sends me a text that says, “I completely meant what I said last night during our sex! It would BE WISE for you to remember that ****! GFN!” I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me so why all of sudden he’s acting possessive? [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Then last night, he text me around 12:30-1am asking if he could come by to pick up a watch that he left at my place a week ago. I told him that I was already gone to bed and I would give it to him Friday when we met up. He then calls and says to me “I told you about leaving your blinds open” I look out the window and he’s sitting outside my apartment building. Now, my apartment building is gated and any visitors that I have has to call me for me to let them in the gate. He said he waited for about 20 mins for one of the residents to come to the gate and swipe their gate pass and he came in behind them. I asked why he didn’t call me and he said he just didn’t. I have a funny feeling this isn’t his first time watching my apartment building. After he got his watch he says to me “I’m glad you didn’t have somebody up here that shouldn’t” This isn’t a good situation I’m in, this is why I don’t date.[/FONT][/sIZE]
MidwestUSA Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 You need to dump and cut contact with this guy immediately. He waited for someone else to swipe? That's just wrong. Watch your surroundings at all times, and do not hesitate to call the police. If you could catch him back inside your gate, without you letting him in, that would be ideal. I'm not saying bait him, just wait and see if he pulls that crap again. Be safe. Ugh. Make sure you have the make/model/color of his car written down somewhere, as well as the tag number. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 have you told him this behavior makes you highly uncomfortable....guys get possessive if you have a majority of male friends who you hang with....can you think of nay reason why he would have this behavior and what steps have you taken to stop the behaviors recurring....this is over the top bordering on harassment.....he seems to eb a guard fr some reason has he shared anything about women getting hurt around him or have you been huirt and opened up about that ...i am trying to rationalize why he would behave this way ...it isnt normal behavior...needs to be squashed....if you were to continue with him.....he doesnt trust you and you dont trust him thats obvious from both .....builds resentment coupled with possessive behavior abuse imminent and certain possibility from one or both of you........deb
Author lovekris16 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 He has no reason to not trust me. I don't have that many male friends and when I do go out its with my girlfriends. He claims he's never been cheated on but he has cheated before in his pass. I told him his behavior is creepy and his response is he's just letting me know he's not the type of man to play games with. 1
InnocentMan Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 This has all the makings of a great made for tv movie, complete with creepy cello music. Chances are that you will end up tussling on your apartment rooftop with this fella, before he slips and falls etc etc. 4
Phantom888 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 This guy is overly possessive, in an unhealthy way. Yes women like the attention. I'm sure you kinda like the fact that he is so into you that he "claims" you to be his. My woman actually actually thinks that's sexy. But the stalking outside and the "threats" of better not let someone else kiss you.....that's just insane. It's one thing to really love a woman, but it's another thing to treat her like a possession (object). You need to slowly leave him. You don't need this kind of unstable behavior in your life. Or ask him to get help because he is not healthy. He needs therapy.
runningfar Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 You need to seek assistance. This is DANGEROUS. I'm serious. Not internet overreacting. This is very, very worrisome behavior. 5
Author lovekris16 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I totally agree, I'm slowly cutting him off...only problem he's know where I work. And what's strange is when I was typing this post he texts me and says "u really dont look up while ur sittin @ ur computer post lol.."...I didn't even know he was here in the Library.The 8 years I've been on my job I NEVER dated a patron.
jba10582 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I hope you have a brother that can back you up on this. THAT boy isn't right. Step out of you own frame of reference and imagine that this was happening to a close friend of yours or maybe your sister or mother, and some guy was at the window of her place telling her what she can and can't do. You become aware that this pattern of behavior is neither healthy nor safe.
BlametheIrish Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 ThAnd when you do break it off make sure someone walks you to your car after work for a while. I dont want to hear of some library workers abduction on the news in the future. 2
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 He has no reason to not trust me. I don't have that many male friends and when I do go out its with my girlfriends. He claims he's never been cheated on but he has cheated before in his pass. I told him his behavior is creepy and his response is he's just letting me know he's not the type of man to play games with. tell him not to threaten you ever again adn that if he doesnt trust you he needs to move on and or never say or do the things he is doing to you again if he wants to be with you......deb
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I totally agree, I'm slowly cutting him off... Uuuuuuuuuuuuh, that isn't total agreement with what's been said, and with what's completely obvious to the rest of us. What say you drop him instantly, and if he ever makes you uncomfortable at work, then you file a complaint and evolve toward a restraining order!!!! Do this immediately - it may save your life!!! (if, that is, you have and exercise the good common sense that would be to completely ignore him from this moment forward)
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 This guy is dangerous. I'm not kidding and I'm absolutely sure. His mind will come up with scenarios of you cheating on him and he won't believe you when you tell him he's wrong. When that happens, **** will hit the fan. 1
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I honestly think this guy that I’ve been seeing is stalking me and he probably has been for months before dating. I work at a public library and he’s one of my patrons. He told me a few days ago that he has been watching me for months now before we started dating. About a week ago, I posted a thread about his possessive behavior.[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]This was the post:[/FONT][/sIZE] I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months, so the relationship is still fairly new. From what I can tell, he’s a great guy and I really enjoy the times we’re together, we always have an awesome time. Recently, we slept together and the sex was amazing. During sex, he kept sayings things like I better never give myself to another man and that I was all his. (Really didn't bother me, b/c he was enjoying what he was feeling, right?) After sex and we cuddle, he kept saying things like that I belong to him and he didn’t know what he was cable of if he found out I was seeing someone else and that he didn’t trust himself if he was found in that type of situation. That night when I kiss him, he said "do me a favor and don't ever put you lips on me if they have been on another man". Because of his weird behavior, I asked him have he been cheated on in the pass and he claims he hasn’t. Next day, he sends me a text that says, “I completely meant what I said last night during our sex! It would BE WISE for you to remember that ****! GFN!” I’ve never given him a reason to not trust me so why all of sudden he’s acting possessive? [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Then last night, he text me around 12:30-1am asking if he could come by to pick up a watch that he left at my place a week ago. I told him that I was already gone to bed and I would give it to him Friday when we met up. He then calls and says to me “I told you about leaving your blinds open” I look out the window and he’s sitting outside my apartment building. Now, my apartment building is gated and any visitors that I have has to call me for me to let them in the gate. He said he waited for about 20 mins for one of the residents to come to the gate and swipe their gate pass and he came in behind them. I asked why he didn’t call me and he said he just didn’t. I have a funny feeling this isn’t his first time watching my apartment building. After he got his watch he says to me “I’m glad you didn’t have somebody up here that shouldn’t” This isn’t a good situation I’m in, this is why I don’t date.[/FONT][/sIZE] Have you contacted the authorities? This guy sounds like he has mental problems and should NEVER be taken lightly. Stuff like this makes me so apprehensive about dating; so many crazy people and scenarios. Call the police ASAP, email a picture, full name, phone number to your closest friends/family. Next time he contacts you do not reply; slap him with a restraining order. You have more than enough evidence to contact the authorities and bring him to court. Also, I suggest contacting your apartment's security and show his picture/name and maybe they can post some place visible in the front or email occupants his picture after the restraining order not to let him in or maybe they can put a general notice to not let in anyone you are not familiar with into the building under ANY circumstances. Next time please take it a bit slower and get to know someone thoroughly first before engaging in certain activities. Hope it all works out for you!
mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Please get yourself out if this situation, run, and run fast! His behaviour will escalate.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Please get yourself out if this situation, run, and run fast! His behaviour will escalate. Agree. He is testing the waters to see what he can get away with this early in the "relationship". It gets worse, not better.
spiderowl Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 He is watching you and making sure you know it. His behaviour is provocative, suggesting he is seeking some kind of reaction. He is trying to manipulate you emotionally. He is also making threats, albeit in a joking way. I feel he means it. He is trying to control you. The guy is already stalking you. You need to call the police.
Confusedguy81 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Why do people sleep with crazy people.
todreaminblue Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Why do people sleep with crazy people. because ......they can
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Don't "cut him off slowly." Cut him off IMMEDIATELY. This man is not well; he will turn violent. Contact the police. Don't think twice about it. Your safety isn't worth sparing his feelings.
truth_seeker Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I don't understand the OP posting this. You really need opinions on what to do? Do you not have a terrible feeling in your gut about this guy and his behavior? You have to get an emergency restraining order on this guy. After that, make sure someone is with you entering and leaving your building. Also, tell as many people as you know about him (family members, friends, co-workers, so they can be on the look out). Do not keep this from people you know. The more people who know about him, the better. See if you can also post something in the lobby of your building. Ask security to post something on the entrance about trespassing, 24 police surveillance. Anything to get this guy thinking he's being watched. Don't hope this will go away - do something about it!
JokerManDan Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I say give him an ultimatum. Get help or it's over. I mean if you are willing to stay with him as long as he stops this possessiveness and gets help than go with that. If he has cheated in the past than it looks like he believes in karma and wants to evade the karma gods. if he denies having any problem than dump him and keep the police on speed dial.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 No games, no offers, no talking to him. You don't play mind games with sociopaths. You will lose every time. The only way to win against one is to not play their game. Get other people involved who know the situation.
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