DontWorryBHappy Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 So I've just been annoyed about this today and haven't had a chance to talk to a friend about it. Last night a date was supposed to go down between me and the guy I've been dating. The day before that we were basically on a date as well (we had gone out that night and then back to my place). While at my place he had told me we would go out together the next day then come back to his place (so it was going to be 2 dates in a row). The next day, I texted him once about something random that we're both interested in. No response to that, but that wasn't a big deal because it wasn't a text that required a response. Since I had initiated a text with him that day (that he didn't respond to), I felt like it was reasonable for him to initiate asking me to meet him that night for the date. We live right next to each other so that's generally pretty easy to accomplish. But no text ever came.. And then for the bulk of today nothing was said about it. I didn't text him or call him out about it either (didn't want to chase someone that may not want to be chased). But just a few minutes ago, I get a text from him that was responding to the text message I sent him the day before yesterday (that one that he hadn't replied to before). Soooo basically, right now my kneejerk reaction is to stay silent because I feel a bit confused that nothing was ever said about our date that never happened yesterday. I mean, we had spent time together the day before that too so I've had chances to see him, BUT these plans for yesterday were still supposed to go down and I'm wondering if I'm risking being played if I let this slide. I would've been cool with him postponing if there was a legit reason but I just got nothing.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Given that he made a tentative plan and didn't follow up, I wouldn't feel like seeing him, either. If he really liked you, he wouldn't do that, so your instincts here are correct. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 justa thought that if he responded to the text before, and not the one after, he may not have received it yet....my sister was here the other day and i had sent her a text in the morning.......while she was here four hours later she got my text through which didnt help because i asked her to please bring me rose turkish delight.......lol.....i have a wicked craving for sugar lately.....so yeah she didnt get my text till she got here......texts go astray to lala land if someone doesnt answer your text and you want to know their reply call them......deb
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Eh, I'm not buying the "didn't receive my text thing".. Also, there wasn't a text after the one he responded to (I haven't texted him since the day before yesterday). In any case when he texted today he didn't say a word about the date that never happened. Which right now is making me interpret this as: DATE = NOT IMPORTANT. This is the first time he's done this to me so I'm trying to react carefully. Or not react if need-be. Edited November 21, 2013 by DontWorryBHappy 1
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 i tend to take things really relaxed at the beginning of dating i dont get resentful if things dont turn out.....because life happens......ill give guys chances....if it repeats as a common theme to our interactions and activities thats when i say goodbye....the guy i am seeing not really dating well kind of dating...i hav ehad oen date with and for the past two weeks has had sickness and a death./...sound sus huh....well it could be sus or it could be completely and utterly true and i will take it that he is being honest because i am honest until it is proven otherwise i choose to trust in his honesty..... i dont know him well enough to read him.....so ..if i were you if you really care ...call the guy ....and ask him.....or take it easy and relax you will find otu soon enough what his intentions are or are not towards you.....deb
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Alright I can respect that advice. I'm trying to follow a motto in life that basically states, "Express yourself and every facet of who you are to the world, while respecting others." So in this context, I suppose I will respond to him, however I'll likely express my feelings by pulling back a bit. If he feels motivated to explain himself I guess he will. If not then whatever, he'll probably fade out anyway if he wants to. But I'm not gonna bring it up because I don't want the confrontation. 1
NJtoDC Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 One noteworthy thing I like about my current BF, that I didn't feel with one not so long ago, is that I can ask a question and it isn't a big deal. Ex-BF it would have been a big to-do it, possibly resulting in a fight, him overthinking it, me being tense and ready for it to blow up, if I asked "What happened yesterday? I thought we were going out." This is a reasonable question in a relationship past even just a couple dates IMHO. Unless you come at him in an offensive position there is no good reason it should be trouble starting, unless he's like my ex-BF. Communication is important, I wouldn't shy away from it. When my BF doesn't respond to my texts or acknowledge I sent them when we next speak I ask him if he got it. He tells me he did and whatever reason he didn't reply. He'll say "ya, I was busy at work." and I go "Ya, you have been working so hard lately! So <insert whatever the text question was>?" See what I mean? I don't ask it accusingly and I find out what's going on. Even when I'm upset with him for dropping the ball (like not following through on what he says) I explain my issue and why it was a problem for me. We work through and move on. Since he takes it well I've become more and more comfortable and at ease talking to him and I think our relationship has gotten better and better because of it! We (mostly I) used to have upsets often. Now, we communicate and things stay pretty even keel. I love not having to walk on egg shells, worrying about asking the wrong thing or who should initiate what when, and just asking for the info I want-and it being a non-issue. We get on the same page. No guessing or worrying or stewing quietly. It's so much better than the ex-BF! PS- Sometimes I also like to play the "I contacted you so now I wait for you to contact me next" game. But the only one who knows I am playing it is me, it doesn't work, and then I get pissed off over my own game! If that had been my BF and I- I would have called or texted to follow up on my plans that night when I didn't hear from him. Maybe he forgot. Without direct communication you'll never know. My best advice today, if it applies to this situation or not: Don't stay in a relationship where you are afraid to ask questions or discuss how things are going, how you feel about behaviors that are not acceptable, etc. Find someone who you can openly communicate with- save yourself a lot of stress and headaches! 1
Keenly Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 How long did you say you had been dating for ? Big factor in forming my opinion.
NJtoDC Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Alright I can respect that advice. I'm trying to follow a motto in life that basically states, "Express yourself and every facet of who you are to the world, while respecting others." So in this context, I suppose I will respond to him, however I'll likely express my feelings by pulling back a bit. If he feels motivated to explain himself I guess he will. If not then whatever, he'll probably fade out anyway if he wants to. But I'm not gonna bring it up because I don't want the confrontation. You are not effectively expressing yourself by pulling back. He can't read your mind. It's like the game I talked about in my previous post. Men are direct and simple. Only you know you are playing that game. The only way this method (non-communication) will foster communication is if he takes the bait and asks why you are distant. Don't play games. It's manipulative and unproductive. Just ask him what happened. Pulling back to 'express' yourself doesn't make any sense. It's kind of punitive but you don't even know what happened. This approach is unlikely to lead to anything positive. The longer you stew and the more things you stew over the harder it will be to get past this. He didn't reply to your text, so you waited for him to initiate about your date. Then he didn't get back about the date, so you considered not replying to his text. Then you will reply to his text, but because he didn't offer an explanation about the previous issues, you are going to pull back and again not say what bothers you. This is snowballing. The sooner you can calmly inquire about something bothersome the less the issue has to compound. Edited November 21, 2013 by NJtoDC 2
Author DontWorryBHappy Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Alright you all have a point so I texted him just now saying "hey what happened yesterday? We never made it to ____". Maybe I should've texted last night when it was getting late but I guess I'm at the point where I'm trying to see how things will go between us, so I'm trying to give him a chance to reach out without me jumping the gun..
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