melell Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I have noticed that the people I am less interested in (just personality wise) are always those who are very interested in me. With these people I am usually less conscious of how I talk to them, say whatever I want, and don't show interest at all. But, people I am interested in, I am more mindful of what I say, and how I appear. I don't 'try', but liking them makes me approach it differently. Of these people the interest is usually shared, but they don't show it to the extent the other people do. I am wondering, do you think having the 'hard to get' attitude, or 'not interested' attitude makes people more appealing initially?
Author melell Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Or has anyone noticed themselves being more attracted to people who don't seem interested?
hotpotato Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Yes! Some people like the challenge. I took a look at myself and realized I try too hard to be likable around guys I like. Im more relaxed around people im not into. I think the relaxed attitude is more attractive. Id even say a mild 'i dont care if you are around or not' attitude is attractive to some people. Also, I think some people can sense when you try too hard. I admit, ive fallen into that trap, too!
Author melell Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 It is really odd! I think it might be something that only applies in the initial stages, once the mutual 'like' is well established then it changes some. But at the very start this is what seems to get people interested. Kind of annoying. I guess it works parallel to the way nc can sometimes work after a break up?
Phantom888 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I usually lose interest when a woman shows no interest in me. It's the energy I feed off of when I see an attractive woman, and she is interested in me. It's like the more she likes me, the more open I get. But the key is I have to be attracted to her first. I feel it is a waste of time to pursue someone who shows no interest. I mean, if I have to convince a lady that I am her type, she is likely not my type. I am really cute and interesting to most women 35 - 45, so it wouldn't be my issue if she is not interested. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I am wondering, do you think having the 'hard to get' attitude, or 'not interested' attitude makes people more appealing initially? NO. I find people who are attracted to such are not thinking straight.
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I have noticed that the people I am less interested in (just personality wise) are always those who are very interested in me. With these people I am usually less conscious of how I talk to them, say whatever I want, and don't show interest at all. But, people I am interested in, I am more mindful of what I say, and how I appear. I don't 'try', but liking them makes me approach it differently. Of these people the interest is usually shared, but they don't show it to the extent the other people do. I am wondering, do you think having the 'hard to get' attitude, or 'not interested' attitude makes people more appealing initially? i have never been attracted to any guy who has ignored me.i normally if i am attracted will wait for thei rapproach to gauge their interest never felt a strong desire to make an initial approach bar once so never reslly been ignored...and i dont ignore guys who approach me i am always polite..........and i mean never on th ebeign ignored or treated badly when i have expressed interest in a guy they have normally first told em they care about me......until now...and i dont like it makes me feel like crap confused an dinsecure ...brings out my inner child.....i dont like that fact a guy affects me to hurt me without knowing me or me, knowing him and if he intends to hurt me again....and again....and again..with disregard for who i am....and that i care..........so yuck.....its no contact from me.......deb 1
Grumpybutfun Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Ignoring/ acting hard to get is Gameplaying 101 and I find it gauche, silly and unnecessary. This only works with people who are insecure and people pleasers. Challenges come from any relationship so you don't have to invent them unless you love drama. I don't. I never saw the point when dating and if a girl acted like this, I wouldn't waste my very precious time. Silly isn't attractive to me, G 3
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Ignoring/ acting hard to get is Gameplaying 101 and I find it gauche, silly and unnecessary. This only works with people who are insecure and people pleasers. Challenges come from any relationship so you don't have to invent them unless you love drama. I don't. I never saw the point when dating and if a girl acted like this, I wouldn't waste my very precious time. Silly isn't attractive to me, G its isnt attractive grumps, not at all .....its very confusing......and eventually i feel if you have any personal pride you walk away from this........you have to .....or you kill any self esteem you have....i havent ever dated anyone who has ignored me ......i wouldnt stick around....but then i have never been ignored so i have to wonder why is this guy treating me like this and then i tangent off into never never land.....never had a guy say deb i dont want to be your friend and then ridicule me...very confusing.....deb
Blade96 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 have to laugh, because one of my friends a guy wrote about this just the other day. He said that all his life, women would rather have a root canal, than date him. Now that he has had a gf for a year they're all coming out of the woodworks and he wondered the same thing. I think either they like a challenge, or yeah, maybe the more relaxed attitude makes him more appealing.
Disillusioned Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Yes, although if a woman I wasn't interested in tried to pursue me, the threat of a harassment accusation should be enough to make her back off.
Dark_history Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 You could actually look at this a different way, in regards to the OP. The people she is interested in are of a higher caliber, if you will, than those she is not. Thus the ones she is not interested in are more attracted to her, or rather, have a higher interest level in her, thus try more. Think of it like a comparison of a football jock that has dated several girls, and the computer club geek who has little to no experience. Their approach will be completely different, the jock not needing to try much, while the geek feels he has to try really hard just to get a girls attention.
Author melell Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I agree completely, I hate it, it seems crazed to be honest. Yet time and time again I get chased by ones I am not interested it- it isn't that they aren't attractive, cool guys, it is just that I am not that in to them. It isn't something I set out to do, or a game I want to play. I just find it so interesting that it always seems to work that way. 1
hotpotato Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I agree completely, I hate it, it seems crazed to be honest. Yet time and time again I get chased by ones I am not interested it- it isn't that they aren't attractive, cool guys, it is just that I am not that in to them. It isn't something I set out to do, or a game I want to play. I just find it so interesting that it always seems to work that way. Ditto! It just happens that way for me, too. I dont set out trying to play mind games.
Author melell Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Well, maybe you are causing the problem. A guy likes you, you sense it, and lose interest. A guy doesn't like you, you sense it, and like him. One of my friends is VERY good with girls. One came straight out and told him that it's because he's "unattainable". You should meet him. I think you'd like him lol. Not at all- it's not like that.. A guy likes me, I don't realize it, and then he chases me. Usually I haven't considered them at all in a romantic way. I have treated them as I would any friend. They go to a lot of effort to win me over. When I like a guy, (so far) the interest has been mutual, but in this situation the chase is always so much less than the guy I hadn't been interested in. The guy who I don't like romantically always goes to lengths to make me like him.
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