BuildingBridges222 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) So, I need some help with this. In short I feel my ex girlfriend is giving me mixed signals. I'm 23, she's 22 however she was raped a year before by her ex. I met her online 2 months after the rape, I noticed something was wrong and started to help her, a few months on we then got into a relationship. Skipping past the breakup (It was done mutually) things became different between us like any breakup. We had a period of NC afterwards, I said to her I'm going to move on and won't message her as she got suddenly hostile. 3 days later she messaged me completely calmly, this was the first of the many mixed signals in the coming weeks/months. A week ago she sent me this mid-conversation: "i think it's because i don't talk much to you anymore, which i really want to change as now we haven't spoke in ages proper, i've realised i've really missed you i also need to apologise for not speaking in the last few days, i've been revising for the two mocks i've just had, but i want us to become closer again, would you like to?" I ended up accepting, but a day later completely ignored me while talking to a new lad, I went NC from there. 3 and a half days later she messaged me, I responded but said I was busy. She went on to say her and this new kid met up with a few friends, he turned out to be some "egotistical ****" whom bragged of all the girls he's done, making her feel uncomfortable. I said that's not really my business, but asked why she went back on her word to get closer, she said she was stressed so she didn't want to talk to anybody, all while she was talking/getting closer to him? She went on to say that she was 'confused by her feelings' as she felt like she liked him, but then said she feels like she hates him. The next few days I never got any information about him, which I take they stopped contacting each other as normally she'd be liking all his statuses/pictures. The day after we spent the whole day talking, she said that she's going to "Play the player at his own game" (meaning him) as he turned out to be a ****, which I don't really see is a necessary thing to do and is quite childish. Last night I was about to go to bed, as I was she sent me a text saying she was angry, I asked why and she said she was horny. Surely her emotions can't be this erratic? Yesterday was different however, late at night she messaged me saying that she wanted to talk (After the whole day NC) and we talked, her classmates at college made jibes on the topic of rape talking about seeing part of the rapist in the baby and ended up running out the classroom, I comforted her and felt we really did struck a cord with eachother, she asked if she can go off to bed and so I let her. Today however, back to this ****. This is our entire conversation today: Her: "..Sorry about last night" Me: "Ah it's alright, I'm happy to help" Her: "Okay." (She rarely says okay like this, only when I did something bad) Me: "..Is there something wrong?" Her: "No" And from there I left it. I don't think my "Ah it's alright" was bad, but it's now been close to three hours and I've received no further contact. This is driving me mad, I'm already on the basis as she requested some time back that I give her some space and let her talk to me when she wishes, but this erratic behavior is really confusing me. Any help is requested, I've already moved on but by how things are she looks like she hasn't. Edited November 21, 2013 by BuildingBridges222
jm2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Was this some sort of online only relationship? Not sure what you're trying to do man. It's horrible she got raped but she should probably go find a counselor to talk her problems out. With that being said, go find somebody without problems. You're 23 and have so much opportunity right now. Make wise decisions.
Author BuildingBridges222 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Was this some sort of online only relationship? Not sure what you're trying to do man. It's horrible she got raped but she should probably go find a counselor to talk her problems out. With that being said, go find somebody without problems. You're 23 and have so much opportunity right now. Make wise decisions. At first we didn't plan it to be, we met up a few times and that helped boost her confidence, but she broke down and said she hit a rough patch and requested we stay as friends until she can fully get over this rape. I never did anything wrong to bring this decision, but she felt it was for the best in case she 'messes things up more' and severs the possibility of getting back or even being friends. (This was before the NC period in the story)
GuyInLimbo Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Wrong forum, bro. This is the separation/divorce forum.
Author BuildingBridges222 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Wrong forum, bro. This is the separation/divorce forum. My apologies, I'll aim to pay more attention to the topic forum before posting next time. I don't think there is a way that I can move this over to the correct thread is there?
oldshirt Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 . This is driving me mad, I'm already on the basis as she requested some time back that I give her some space and let her talk to me when she wishes, but this erratic behavior is really confusing me. If you are going to continue to have contact with this gal, be prepared to be driven crazy and confused a lot because this chick be crazy. Crazy people can't have normal, healthy relationships. If you want a normal, sane, healthy, functional relationship, it is going to have to be with someone else. Also, do yourself a favor and look up the term, "beta orbiter." that is what you are at the moment. She is attracted to other guys and is using you as a shoulder to cry on and to give her strokes and encouragement and to tell her that she is cute and that she is great and that these guys are all treating her bad and that she isn't to blame for all her troubles in the world. ... but she isn't romantically/sexually interested in you and isn't planning on going there no matter how much you are there for her in the middle of the night when the jock in the bar banged her in the bathroom and then didn't call her. She is bat-$h!t crazy and is using you. Tell her she either starts putting out for you, or you are no longer her on-call shrink.
Author BuildingBridges222 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) Well some form of update. 4 hours after our last talk she messaged me, with a very bland "..I guess your moving on.." I asked her to elaborate and she said that she's getting the impression I don't want to talk to her or be her friend, I laid it all out and said with all these mixed signals she's confusing the hell out of me. She apologized and asked if we can be friends still, I said if she can show to me that she's not messing me around I'll be happy to. Since she's warmed up to me talking abit more. I feel back in control of the situation now, but I'm not going to jump back in the boat with her just yet, I'm planning on taking this slow and see how things go. Then she brought up the topic of getting back together soon, you can tell where this is going. I said that I'd rather wait for the moment as both of us to suddenly jump back into a relationship 3 months after breaking up is quite silly. If you are going to continue to have contact with this gal, be prepared to be driven crazy and confused a lot because this chick be crazy. Crazy people can't have normal, healthy relationships. If you want a normal, sane, healthy, functional relationship, it is going to have to be with someone else. Also, do yourself a favor and look up the term, "beta orbiter." that is what you are at the moment. She is attracted to other guys and is using you as a shoulder to cry on and to give her strokes and encouragement and to tell her that she is cute and that she is great and that these guys are all treating her bad and that she isn't to blame for all her troubles in the world. ... but she isn't romantically/sexually interested in you and isn't planning on going there no matter how much you are there for her in the middle of the night when the jock in the bar banged her in the bathroom and then didn't call her. She is bat-$h!t crazy and is using you. Tell her she either starts putting out for you, or you are no longer her on-call shrink. Agreed my friend. She can say one thing but ends up normally doing another, I'm giving her the chance to prove herself but if not I'll delete her and move on, I'm not letting myself get stringed along. *Edit* I forgot to mention yesterday also I joked about her friend in our conversation, she turned distant so I asked what was wrong. It turns out her friend was joking to her saying that I'm "an attractive lad" , that I came down and she kissed me the other day and she's a fool for letting me go, which hampered her confidence down and got her upset. (She's got a problem making friends, after her rape her friends have not really been supportive and sometimes mad bad jokes like this without realizing they're hurting her) Edited November 23, 2013 by BuildingBridges222
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