MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I need help before I continue to complicate things. Ive been going out on dates with two awesome dudes( theyre awesome so far!). Not to brag but Im an attractive girl so I get ask to go on dates often. My bad dating wxperiences in the past made me date wiser now so I screen dates carefully and get rid of guys who are not worth my time. So there are two guys who I thought were great. Guy1. Met him at work. We became friends. Hung out with other people. Then he asked me to hang out just the two of us. After hanging out for a few months he said he liked me so we started going out on actual dates( approxumately two months now). Weve known each other for about a year. No sex. This week we kissed and made out for the first time. Which made things complicated. He said hes sensing that im pushing and pulling so he asked me what was wrong. I said I feel weird that we work together. He said that he would quit if it bothers me. I said to not too. Then he told me hes open to whatever I want, if I want to just date or if I want a relationship hes open to both. Then he asked me what do I want. I said to date and get to know each other. He asked me so youre ok if I see other people. I said if you want to its ok. Guy 2. Been dating him for a month. No sex but just hold hands. He invited me to go to his works christmas party and Im still not sure If I would go because I dont want to complicate things more. Honestly, im really confused because these are both two great guys. Both educated and have great careers. They both treat me like a princess. I like both of them. Please give me some advice. Thanks.
Phantomu Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Eh, sticky situation you're in. you didn't give much detail on guy #2. Who do you feel more comfortable around? this is one question you may ask yourself. Guy #1 seems to be open to dating around while you make your mind up. If you aren't careful he could end up with someone else ( not saying you should jump to it because of that.) But who do you feel like you could have a good relationship with? Another thing about guy #1, you work with him. So..If you DID end up together and it didn't work out things very well COULD be awkward or not awkward at all. You need to evaluate your feelings for each one separately and maybe give us a little more info. Hope this helps you good luck
regine_phalange Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 When I am not sure what to choose (eg clothes, laptop, men), I know that I am just looking for something else that is not included in the choice list.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) I need help before I continue to complicate things. Ive been going out on dates with two awesome dudes( theyre awesome so far!). Not to brag but Im an attractive girl so I get ask to go on dates often. My bad dating wxperiences in the past made me date wiser now so I screen dates carefully and get rid of guys who are not worth my time. So there are two guys who I thought were great. Guy1. Met him at work. We became friends. Hung out with other people. Then he asked me to hang out just the two of us. After hanging out for a few months he said he liked me so we started going out on actual dates( approxumately two months now). Weve known each other for about a year. No sex. This week we kissed and made out for the first time. Which made things complicated. He said hes sensing that im pushing and pulling so he asked me what was wrong. I said I feel weird that we work together. He said that he would quit if it bothers me. I said to not too. Then he told me hes open to whatever I want, if I want to just date or if I want a relationship hes open to both. Then he asked me what do I want. I said to date and get to know each other. He asked me so youre ok if I see other people. I said if you want to its ok. Guy 2. Been dating him for a month. No sex but just hold hands. He invited me to go to his works christmas party and Im still not sure If I would go because I dont want to complicate things more. Honestly, im really confused because these are both two great guys. Both educated and have great careers. They both treat me like a princess. I like both of them. Please give me some advice. Thanks. Tough call only you can make. This is precisely why I choose not to multi-date. It makes it too confusing for both parties and often times delays to decision process. Everyone will have pros and cons. I try my hardest to date guys with my same no-multi dating policy. I am in general very decisive so I meet one guy, if he makes it to date 3 and beyond then I know he is worth it to get to know. I know exactly what I want too so I zoom in on one guy, devote my time and attention to him, and figure out quickly if it will go anywhere or not. If not, rinse and repeat. Multi-dating is an American concept. When I lived in Europe my coworkers (from all over the world mind you, not just Europeans) would ask me why the hex do Americans date multiple people at once; they couldn't get it. It is bizarre to a lot of other cultures. I am not in a huge rush I am only in my mid 20s so for me it is one guy at a time. I will say this, workplace romance is very seldom a good idea. I don't know if this is a corporate job or like an hourly McDonalds/retail kind of thing which makes some difference in my book (if he is so quick to relinquish the job doesn't sound like it's corporate). I have a corporate job and half the office dates each other and I cannot get it. Too much risk for me. Edited November 21, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Which one makes your heart race? Pick him.
Zahara Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Aside from being educated, having great careers and treating you like a princess, what about them stands out. I'm sure they bring other things to the table. Humor? Spontaneity? Adventuresome? You seem to like both but does one stand out from the other in terms of values and traits that you are looking for in a partner? And also, as d0nnivain mentioned, which one makes your heart flutter?
Author MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 I told guy 1 that it would be awkward at work if we date and it didnt work out but he said he would quit his job ( where we work together) if he needs to. He works there only once a week. He has a FT job somewhere else.
todreaminblue Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I need help before I continue to complicate things. Ive been going out on dates with two awesome dudes( theyre awesome so far!). Not to brag but Im an attractive girl so I get ask to go on dates often. My bad dating wxperiences in the past made me date wiser now so I screen dates carefully and get rid of guys who are not worth my time. So there are two guys who I thought were great. Guy1. Met him at work. We became friends. Hung out with other people. Then he asked me to hang out just the two of us. After hanging out for a few months he said he liked me so we started going out on actual dates( approxumately two months now). Weve known each other for about a year. No sex. This week we kissed and made out for the first time. Which made things complicated. He said hes sensing that im pushing and pulling so he asked me what was wrong. I said I feel weird that we work together. He said that he would quit if it bothers me. I said to not too. Then he told me hes open to whatever I want, if I want to just date or if I want a relationship hes open to both. Then he asked me what do I want. I said to date and get to know each other. He asked me so youre ok if I see other people. I said if you want to its ok. Guy 2. Been dating him for a month. No sex but just hold hands. He invited me to go to his works christmas party and Im still not sure If I would go because I dont want to complicate things more. Honestly, im really confused because these are both two great guys. Both educated and have great careers. They both treat me like a princess. I like both of them. Please give me some advice. Thanks. this is why i dont like multi dating......i always find the best in the guys i date ...i acti9vewly look for what is attractive in the guys i date, to develop feelings if there isnt any to begin with sounds a bit clinical ...but thats what i do....and the last thing i need is confusion over who to choose and who to let down....and i date nice guys more than once....i give them time i have to give.i dont like hurting nice guys and guys get attached to me...players are a different story..i would say with guy number one......find out if he wants exclusivity with you he asked you but you never really asked him what he wanted.......make your choice from there......deb
Author MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Aside from being educated, having great careers and treating you like a princess, what about them stands out. I'm sure they bring other things to the table. Humor? Spontaneity? Adventuresome? You seem to like both but does one stand out from the other in terms of values and traits that you are looking for in a partner? And also, as d0nnivain mentioned, which one makes your heart flutter? They are both very respectful. Guy 1 and I didnt kiss until this week and weve known each other for a year and have hung out alot of times before we started dating. Weve been dating for about two months. Guy 2 we have never kissed and weve been dating for a month. I know guy 1 longer so I know hes someone I can trust. I feel comfortable around him but hes a little moody sometimes. Hes into stuff that I like to. We ride his motorcycle and shoot guns but a little picky with food. Guy 2 is really funny. He makes me laugh. He's adventurous like me and open into trying various activities with me. I actually anticipate hanging out with both if them but a littke more with guy2 Maybe because hes funny and easy to get along with. Also maybe because I jut know hom for a month you know the excitement of getting to know someone new. Guy 1's mood fluctuates but hes a sweet guy and very thoughtful. He drives to my work just to bring me coffee.
Author MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 this is why i dont like multi dating......i always find the best in the guys i date ...i acti9vewly look for what is attractive in the guys i date, to develop feelings if there isnt any to begin with sounds a bit clinical ...but thats what i do....and the last thing i need is confusion over who to choose and who to let down....and i date nice guys more than once....i give them time i have to give.i dont like hurting nice guys and guys get attached to me...players are a different story..i would say with guy number one......find out if he wants exclusivity with you he asked you but you never really asked him what he wanted.......make your choice from there......deb I did. He said he's open to whatever I want, dating or relationship.
Zahara Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Seeing that trust is important, maybe investing more time in Guy 2 can get you there with him as well. I think spend a bit more time with Guy 2 and get to know him on a deeper level. The mood fluctuation with Guy 1 would be an issue for me because I dated someone like that and while sweet and thoughtful, I always felt as if I was walking on eggshells. In any case, yes, a month isn't enough time to really get to know someone (Guy 2) and you've spent significant amount of time with Guy 1. At some point you're going to have to make a choice. I know Guy 1 is open to dating others and vice versa. Is Guy 2 aware of you dating another or no?
Author MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Seeing that trust is important, maybe investing more time in Guy 2 can get you there with him as well. I think spend a bit more time with Guy 2 and get to know him on a deeper level. The mood fluctuation with Guy 1 would be an issue for me because I dated someone like that and while sweet and thoughtful, I always felt as if I was walking on eggshells. In any case, yes, a month isn't enough time to really get to know someone (Guy 2) and you've spent significant amount of time with Guy 1. At some point you're going to have to make a choice. I know Guy 1 is open to dating others and vice versa. Is Guy 2 aware of you dating another or no? No guy 2 doesn't know. He never asked. I never asked either if he's dating others. Guy 1, I know would not date other girls. He's too picky. I know him for a while and he has only dated one girl that I know of. Then dumped her because he really wanted to date me( I was dating someone else when he was seeing this girl). He didn't date her long maybe less than a month. Guy 1 knows I get approached a lot by guys so he I think he doesn't want to scare me by saying he wants a relationship now but he's open to it if thats what I want so I wont date anybody else. Actually, theres another guy in the picture. He's cool and ask me out often but I don't like his occupation. He's a lawyer.
soccerrprp Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I actually anticipate hanging out with both if them but a littke more with guy2 Maybe because hes funny and easy to get along with. Also maybe because I jut know hom for a month you know the excitement of getting to know someone new. Guy 1's mood fluctuates but hes a sweet guy and very thoughtful. He drives to my work just to bring me coffee. Guy 2 wins! For now... 2
Author MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Also, do you guys think I should attend guty 2's invitation to go with him to his work's christmas party? 1
StanMusial Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Guy1. Weve known each other for about a year. Guy 2. Been dating him for a month. Actually, theres another guy in the picture. Well I guess this one should be called Guy 3 then. Maybe you shouldn't choose? I get the impression you're not really looking for a serious relationship. Why not just enjoy all the attention?
Keenly Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 This is a clear example of why time travel should hopefully be discovered soon.
Author MissNoname Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Well I guess this one should be called Guy 3 then. Maybe you shouldn't choose? I get the impression you're not really looking for a serious relationship. Why not just enjoy all the attention? Im looking for a serious relationship. But it has to be with the right person. 1
Keenly Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'm going to say guy number two. You can keep him at arms length if you like your alone time, and you won't run into him at work. He makes you laugh, he isn't moody, and he is fresh and new, so you don't already have an idea of him implanted into your head. 1
Phantom888 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'm glad you did not sleep with either of the guys. That would just be awful. You are doing the right thing in dating both (without sex). You have every right to evaluate situations clearly before exclusivity and sex. You should choose the one you have greater chemistry with, and he one who is likely to be a better partner to you in the long run. Shouldn't be that hard.
clia Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Guy 1: You’ve known him over a year, been dating him two months and only kissed him for the first time last week? Guy 2: You’ve been dating him a month and have never kissed? I’m sorry, but unless you are 14 years old, I don’t think either guy is the right one for you. Do you have chemistry with either of them? Why are things moving so slow physically? Are you sure you even want a relationship with either of them? 3
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I need help before I continue to complicate things. Ive been going out on dates with two awesome dudes( theyre awesome so far!). Not to brag but Im an attractive girl so I get ask to go on dates often. My bad dating wxperiences in the past made me date wiser now so I screen dates carefully and get rid of guys who are not worth my time. So there are two guys who I thought were great. Guy1. Met him at work. We became friends. Hung out with other people. Then he asked me to hang out just the two of us. After hanging out for a few months he said he liked me so we started going out on actual dates( approxumately two months now). Weve known each other for about a year. No sex. This week we kissed and made out for the first time. Which made things complicated. He said hes sensing that im pushing and pulling so he asked me what was wrong. I said I feel weird that we work together. He said that he would quit if it bothers me. I said to not too. Then he told me hes open to whatever I want, if I want to just date or if I want a relationship hes open to both. Then he asked me what do I want. I said to date and get to know each other. He asked me so youre ok if I see other people. I said if you want to its ok. Guy 2. Been dating him for a month. No sex but just hold hands. He invited me to go to his works christmas party and Im still not sure If I would go because I dont want to complicate things more. Honestly, im really confused because these are both two great guys. Both educated and have great careers. They both treat me like a princess. I like both of them. Please give me some advice. Thanks. This forum tends to be better off for those who have problems, vs. those merely enjoying a full social calendar and/or the fruits of their universal appeal. Were one sitting back and pondering, while not in the company of either guy, one would probably look down the road 20 years and contemplate which guy would make for the best life-mate. Maybe you could use the practice at considering the big picture, and at the very least your interactions in the present could serve to perhaps establish updated priorities. I don't think the working together factor needs to be an issue, but it would depend on what sort of interactions you have to have at work. I sense that you just want something to fall out of the sky and *kick* you, as if to let you know which direction to take. You'll have no trouble taking that direction once somebody or something helps you to decide. Maybe just keep juggling, and expecting that an indication will come along... 1
Versacehottie Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 i am wondering why you feel like you need to choose at this point. For that matter, I would even add the lawyer into the mix! You need more information. The kind of information you will get from continuing to go out with both or even several. The cream will rise to the top! In other words, the one it should be will reveal itself in time. If more girls dated this way, dating would go more smoothly, I think. Less "why didn't he call" etc. This is a "good" problem to have. I wouldn't decide just yet. If it matters at all, I like guys 1 & 3. I need more info about 2 because right now he seems dull by your description. LOL, kinda kidding.
truth_seeker Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 They are both very respectful. Guy 1 and I didnt kiss until this week and weve known each other for a year and have hung out alot of times before we started dating. Weve been dating for about two months. Guy 2 we have never kissed and weve been dating for a month. I know guy 1 longer so I know hes someone I can trust. I feel comfortable around him but hes a little moody sometimes. Hes into stuff that I like to. We ride his motorcycle and shoot guns but a little picky with food. Guy 2 is really funny. He makes me laugh. He's adventurous like me and open into trying various activities with me. I actually anticipate hanging out with both if them but a littke more with guy2 Maybe because hes funny and easy to get along with. Also maybe because I jut know hom for a month you know the excitement of getting to know someone new. Guy 1's mood fluctuates but hes a sweet guy and very thoughtful. He drives to my work just to bring me coffee. Curious: do you have fwb's while talking it slow with these two guys?
Author MissNoname Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Guy 1: You’ve known him over a year, been dating him two months and only kissed him for the first time last week? Guy 2: You’ve been dating him a month and have never kissed? I’m sorry, but unless you are 14 years old, I don’t think either guy is the right one for you. Do you have chemistry with either of them? Why are things moving so slow physically? Are you sure you even want a relationship with either of them? Yes I have chemistry with them otherwise I wouldnt waste my time thinking about them. I told guy 1 that I wanted to wait and he respected me. I have self control and I wouldnt have sex with anyone unless Im sure who I want to be with. These guys respect me which shows they are mature enough to understand that trust slowly develops and that we dont have to be phyically intimate to show we like each other. There are other ways to show it. We enjoy hangin out and doing activities outside. We learn things from each other which is alot of fun. But yes Im attracted to both of them and I know they are too to me. 1
Author MissNoname Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Curious: do you have fwb's while talking it slow with these two guys? Honestly, I dont. No offense to anyone but I feel that I respect myself more that I dont and it shows when I interact with guys and I dont think I have time . I barely have time to see these guys because they all want to see me at least once a week.
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