Shaine Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Ok. So i read about this: Below are 8 rules for contacting your ex, hopefully you’ll heed to this advice and turn things around for yourself -faster and with less pain and struggle. Rule 1 – Make the first move Someone has to initiate the process. It doesn’t matter whether you are the dumped or dumpee, if you want your ex back, you’ve got to make the first move. You may be waiting for your ex to make the first move while your ex is also waiting for you to make the first move. In the end each moves on thinking the other has lost interest. Is there a risk that you may be rejected (again)? Sure. Life is a risk. Love is a risk. If you fold every time you think you may be rejected, you are guaranteed living a very lonely love-less life for in every relationship there is a chance that you may be rejected. Got it from here: 8 Simple Rules For Contacting Your Ex | | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng I broke up with him, apologized after 2 days, he wont take me back. I have a problem of breaking up with him when the fight is just too much. But i know i can change if he gives me a chance. After breakup, i begged 2-3days. Got rejected. He told me he doesnt love me anymore and that i should find someone else. Its been 8 days since last contact. Do you think its okay for me to contact him now? Do you think he's still mad? Is 1 week nc enough for him to miss me and think about us. There was no cheating. It was a good relationship.
Zahara Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 C'mon. You begged and pleaded for 3 days and he kept on rejecting you. He knows you want him back. You don't need to check to see if he's changed his mind, unless you'd like to give him the satisfaction of seeing you grovel some more. 2
HorseLuck Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) No..that's way too soon. I read your first thread. Not sure why you'd want him back. You're need to keep strong and hold on to NC for dear life. Edited November 21, 2013 by HorseLuck 1
Author Shaine Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Okay. You're right. Too soon. He knows i just want him back. Why did i even search for getting my ex back. Grrr! Edited November 21, 2013 by Shaine
Canadiangirl78 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 It sounds to me that he's made himself clear about his feelings. I think the only thing that would come of you contacting him is for you to be rejected again. You have already made your feelings known to him and it does not sound like he is interested in a relationship with you. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore then you already are by contacting him. I think that you should start working on yourself and figuring out what works for you to get over this guy.. The sooner you accept that it's over the sooner you can start moving on and away from this guy.. The man that truly loves you and wants you is out there waiting for you to get over this guy and find him!!!! Stay strong Hun, we are all here for you but DO NOT contact him, post here instead! Chin up, and take care of you! 2
lylat333 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Shaine I've read that exact same page at least once. While there is a page or two I felt were really helpful from that site, some of their other pages, not so much. It first really confused me because it was antithetical to conventional LS wisdom. But after the crazy amount of reading I've done and number of websites I've visited, I really think LS is the most accurate. The people who post here seem more mature than anyone else and it is a site that is very good about not instilling false hope in people. It's not just thoughts from one end-all, be-all author but a huge collection of real-world instances.... of which I for one have read a lot. As someone else who read your other thread I also think contacting him is a terrible idea. At this point, in your position, I would honestly say don't EVER do it. It's been almost 4 months for me and I've had to CONTINUOUSLY battle the "what if's" in my mind and figure out if I'm actually doing the right thing. Well, not so much anymore. You will probably continue to struggle with this and it's going to feel almost inevitable for you to stick your neck out even if it's just one more time but seriously, don't do it. It will be the most counter-productive thing you could possibly do. He already knows exactly where you are, promise. If I were you I would be very suspicious of your ex being unfaithful. By you reaching out, again, you fuel his crap behavior and attitude and I know you don't want that. I was just about to delete the personal notes I've been keeping on my iPod (which is synced with my email) because I no longer need them and want to eliminate anything from my life related to thinking about my ex. But before I do, here is something I wrote to myself 2-3 months ago in my note about, "Why isn't it OK to break NC?" She would only respond positively if she truly missed me anyway. Me breaking NC changes nothing. ^^ That's what I live by! Edited November 21, 2013 by lylat333 3
BC1980 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 There are tons of these websites devoted to getting your ex back, and a lot of them want money. Do you really need all this manipulation in your life? What of your recovery? How are you going to recover if you are involved in a "plan" to get your ex back? Don't do it. 1
lylat333 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 P.S. There is a flaw in the opening premise of, Someone has to initiate the process. It doesn’t matter whether you are the dumped or dumpee, if you want your ex back, you’ve got to make the first move. You may be waiting for your ex to make the first move while your ex is also waiting for you to make the first move. In the end each moves on thinking the other has lost interest. Sometimes it's OK for either to initiate contact. However, a lot of times, and especially in your case (and mine) the ball is clearly on one person's side of the court and not the other. You've put the ball on your ex's side. I put the ball on my ex's side. We're under the delusion that picking it up and putting it back down again or reminding them of something they are already aware of will be the start of something meaningful. 2
ByMyself01 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 IT'S TOO SOON. "8" days is not enough time. When u contacted him, you set the clock back even farther. When my ex left the time before, he contacted me after 9 day without me bothering him. Because you bothered him, you set it back atleast an extra month if you ever had hope to get him back. Don't bother him AT ALL anymore. By you contacting him, you left the door open to let him know it's killing you that hes gone. If he really cares, that satisfaction will soon subside and he will contact you because he knows he can since you already did. You did your part, so leave him alone for good until he contacts you. 2
lylat333 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 If you're like me and have wondered, "What if my ex wants to reach out but is too scared?" Sadly I highly doubt that's the case, and I think it's a line when people say that down the road. If it were true, hypothetically... boo ****ing hoo for them. I believe if someone wants to reach out they will. It's a million times more likely you're actually making it easier for him to NOT want to contact you. I think ByMyself01 is right on. 1
r321148 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Agree with the above. He knows where you are. As for these websites. Some charge and the rest just make money from desperate people clicking the links and making them advertising money. There are some snippets there but as far as actual advice goes I'd steer clear. They don't care about you, their methods aren't "tried and tested" and more often than not they won't work. For all they care their advice could be "tie yourself naked to a streetlight outside his house". If people click the link they have made their money. They often talk in terms of manipulation and by going through that you are only stopping yourself moving on. Even if you could manipulate your ex into coming back would you really want him back on those terms? Your ex will come back if he wants to and that is the only way it'll work (from reading your other thread I'm not entirely sure why you want him to). You can't control that so you shouldn't try. Nothing you say now will make a difference to him and will just hurt you more. Going no contact will help you get yourself back. That is something you can control. Stop wasting your time on things out of your control and start focusing on the things you can. Good luck 2
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 You can't keep breaking up with people like it's nothing. You may be waiting for your ex to make the first move while your ex is also waiting for you to make the first move. In the end each moves on thinking the other has lost interest. You already have the answer to that: After breakup, i begged 2-3days. Got rejected. He told me he doesnt love me anymore and that i should find someone else. 1
Author Shaine Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Thank you all for your advice. Good thing i asked first before doing anything stupid.
flight E Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 U will be fine dr. I had an ex I was so in luv with I almost ran crazy. Now I talk to her like any other human being. To tell you the truth if there was a real break up its complete self hatred to want to get back with the person without healing. 1 you will learn nothing. 2 you will be coming from a very weak, unattractive position which will only lead to another breakup. 3 you will always be on your toes so to speak, interpreting everything. Analysing everything. And afraid. Love yourself first;heal. After that make a rational decision whether your ex is worth getting back with. It's hard but it's the best way to grow as a human being
Author Shaine Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Only 18 days NC and i feel totally fine. First week was like dying. But i helped myself. I didnt want to hurt anymore so i was constantly telling myself that it's over and he is not worth it and i am better off without him. I dont need a man who will just give me up. I need a man who will fight for me and the relationship.
nevergoodenough Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Visit my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/445948-how-get-back-her
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