Women with intimacy issues

[irc333]

I had recently started dating a woman from a Meetup group, I've actually known her for a while (on and off) since last year.

 

We finally started dating, and on the Halloween Party she was pretty frisky with me and touchy feely, groovin' up against me when the dance music was playing.

 

The following weekend, we had dinner at her place, she made dinner and I contributed in helping out as well. Then we went into her bedroom to watch TV. (She doesn't watch TV on the couch as she doesn't like the dogs on her couch with her).

 

So we're watching TV and I'm not one to make a move so quickly, so I let her give me hints....so she'd rub me on my stomach a bit or play tickle me. Even make innuendo-ish jokes.

 

One time, I think I started to get a slight eye headache, and she said if she could bring me some Tylenol and I said "sure", she joked and said, "IRC won't have sex with me tonight, because he has a headache! LOL"

 

Similar dialogue like that came from her during the course of the evening.

 

She had mentioned she had a breast job to me, and at the time I was really anting to get intimate, so I go in to touch her on her breast and kiss her....and she grabs my hand and yanks it away!

 

I said, "Um , what's up?" she goes, 'Nothin', I'm a bit guarded and weird about people touching me"

 

And I said, "Um, but I am touching you, I guess I fall in that classification of people in general"?"

She goes, "No, I am just uncomfortable with it."

 

She later on went to talk about how men lately have only liked her for her physical attributes or only are into for that reason and prefers for me to like her for her personality.

 

But I'm thinking "What's this got to do with me??"

 

She had mentioned recently that she's had other intimacy issues in the past, but would tell me later, perhaps now is the time to approach that subject?

[soccerrprp]

She later on went to talk about how men lately have only liked her for her physical attributes or only are into for that reason and prefers for me to like her for her personality.

 

But I'm thinking "What's this got to do with me??"

 

She had mentioned recently that she's had other intimacy issues in the past, but would tell me later, perhaps now is the time to approach that subject?

 

This has everything to do with you. Her past with men has made her insecure and you're a man. She doesn't know if you're the real deal or not.

 

Yeah, I think that you should talk about this before things become more serious and you find out when the two of you (or just you) have much more invested.

[Mrlonelyone]

If I understand correctly the woman will touch all over you, but cries foul if you touch her.

 

 

In my opinion, you should touch her in non-sexual areas. The problem is you went right for her boobs. Put a hand around her shoulders and hug her whole body close to you. If she can't let you initiate touching, then you need to ask if this is someone you want to spend time with.

 

 

As always I must mention that she would be all about "intimacy issues" with you... then with some hotter guy suddenly not have issues.

[MidwestUSA]

Agree with Mrlonelyone. Was this a first kiss? And you went straight for the boob? It sounds like she was being touchy feely teasey, how were you responding to her up to the point of going for the kiss?

 

It does sound like she has issues, and some boundary problems. If you fear intimacy, you don't tease a guy. The other possibility is that you're in a friend zone, one in which she confides her troubles about intimacy, but has no intention of allowing you to help with them, except for talk therapy. Now is definitely the time for her to clue you in, before you get too emotionally invested.

[RedRobin]

I agree with the other poster that you need to start with non-sexual touching first.

 

It would be odd to me if a guy had never kissed me just reached out and grabbed my boob, or some other intimate part of me we'd just got done talking about.

 

OTOH, Having you in her bedroom, then expecting you not to touch her is not cool though. I'm wary of even inviting men into my HOUSE that I don't want to be sexual with ASAP... much less my bedroom.

 

If they are in my bedroom, it's gonna happen. Just sayin.

[Shepp]

You wouldn't start a car in 5th gear right?

You might get away with 2nd but it'll make a hell of a racket.

Start in 1st & ease up steady and you'll get to 5th as smooth as you like.

 

 

Its just driving brother

[pteromom]

Yeah, I wouldn't want the first touch to be boob either. I don't believe that has anything to do with "intimacy issues".

 

She wants to know that you want HER, not just her body parts.

 

Boobs come after kissing and cuddling - that's why it's called second base.

[irc333]

Actually, we've already kissed. Also, being in bed with a woman in her bedroom, does seem to give a "feel" of going for 2nd base. Plus teasing me sexually when in the same bed with a guy, not such a good idea.

 

We've known each other for a while, kissed and cuddled up until that point, until that last weekend where we were at her place.

 

It's really on her, because she admits to having such issues.

 

I guess it's one of those " You had to be there" scenarios.

 

 

I agree with the other poster that you need to start with non-sexual touching first.

 

It would be odd to me if a guy had never kissed me just reached out and grabbed my boob, or some other intimate part of me we'd just got done talking about.

 

OTOH, Having you in her bedroom, then expecting you not to touch her is not cool though. I'm wary of even inviting men into my HOUSE that I don't want to be sexual with ASAP... much less my bedroom.

 

If they are in my bedroom, it's gonna happen. Just sayin.

[irc333]

She also has mentioned to me that men often think she's kind of a tease or comes off as "easy", and now I know why.

 

From her perspective she doesn't see the issue, but when numerous men see it, well, it's apparently her, not me.