I have been contacted repeatedly after NC.

[Whatever12321]

Short Backstory. Had been together for 7 years had a break 3 years back and lasted for about 3 months. Break up came up kind of nowhere she said she just lost the connection and needed time to get her feelings back, she didn't want to break up but she led me along for about a month and nothing seemed to get any better so I ended the relationship rather than feel like I was being used as a back up plan in someway.

 

Anyway we have no longer been together for around 3 and a half months now I have tried NC but she always will text or call, by the way she has a 8 year old son which I love with all my heart so NC is extremely hard but I feel it is the only way to get my family back. She always has broke the NC because she had her son contact me and then she and I would end up talking one way or another or she would say she missed me she even at one point asked to give her over the weekend to get her head straight and possibly work things out however I came to find out she lied to me about what she was doing one of those nights and went out to a party which turned things into a huge fight. She swears on everything that she is not talking to anyone or anything like that she is just really confused with her feelings right now.

 

Finally 2 weeks ago I made up my mind to tell her that I needed to have time to myself and I could not get over the breakup staying so close with her and talking to her all the time she said she understood and agreed to quit trying to contact me in anyway. Anyway over the weekend she tried to call me at 4am I answered because I was worried because it was unlike her to be awake that late, she didn't say a word and the phone call ended so texted her and asked if everything was ok, she replied yes and that was that. She contacted me on monday saying that she hated not talking, and not knowing how I was or what I am up to. She then immediately replied I know I shouldn't be texting you but I can't just not think about you.

 

I dont want her to think that I am being rude or moved on or anything like that but don't want to let her get what she is needing to just go back to how she has been acting. Should I text her back and just tell her I am fine and just doing my normal routine and hope this helps in what she is going through and leave it as that or should I hold up to NC and make her wait longer or for her to try to contact me again.

Edited November 21, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[melell]

This is really really unfair on you. I think that you need to use concrete nc, and try to move on. If she comes back ready to start again you will know it, she will make it very clear. But you do need to try and move on as if that will never happen.

 

The thing is this isn't getting anywhere, in a way you are waiting for her to return, and if she doesn't all you are doing is wasting your time.

 

In my honest opinion you should be with someone who appreciates who you are enough to want to be with you. It doesn't sound like she is that person..

[Omei]

Stay NC.

Having her 8 year old son contact you so she can? So unfair.

[BC1980]

She contacts you for selfish reasons. She said she likes to know how you are doing. Well, when you break up with someone, you forfeit those rights. My ex said some similar things. Yes, I understand having a connection with the child. My ex had a son I was very close with and was a primary caregiver for (his mother died when he was very young). You and I are suffering a double loss.

 

My ex said he liked talking to me, he missed me, it was so hard for him. Called and texted, wanted to see me. When I asked what his intentions were, he was still "unsure." You need hardcore NC. It's the only way.

[Sososad]

that's very unfair on you and really pulling on the auld

heartstrings. I feel for you I really do seems like your genuinely

trying your best to move on a be fair

[Whatever12321]

Well I should of waited for someones advice I guess, I did text her back but kept it short and conversation ending. I told her I am fine, and I am working out and doing my school stuff like always. But I tried to end it with throwing it back at her in a way by saying I know it is different to go without talking and hope she is doing better.

 

I know now I had I relapse sort of by giving into her and texting back but I just don't want to take a chance that she is trying to work on things, I am almost to the point that I never want her back for everything she has done to me and I honestly think that is why she is texting me now, just to make sure I never get to that point of just washing my hands from everything and being out of her life forever. Anyway she replied back first thing this morning by saying Well Im glad you're good....

 

I almost feel like she wants me to reply back and ask how she is or something or what she has been up to but honestly I don't care, nor do I need to know. That is why I don't understand why she just won't leave me alone, especially when she has said that she has nothing to offer to save or fix the relationship, but always adds in the "right now" part. When I did break up with her I deep down didn't want to and thought that it would make her wake up to the seriousness of her actions toward our relationship. But when I did she tried to say no and kind of was trying to get me to give in to my decision, when I was leaving after I talked to her I said ok then this is it we are no longer together.

 

She would tell me that no its not it is going to work its self out. She has always been religious and had been on a kick about she is looking for a sign for us to be together or not and she is just trying to work on herself to be able to be the person that she needs to be for us. I am just so confused and hurt that I don't know what to do anymore I can't just be friends with her and even when I was going to see her son it was only hurting me more knowing what I was losing each time. Which a few weeks back she had called me because her and her son seen me and it made him break down crying because how much he missed me, I told her I would love to be able to see him however right now it hurts to much to put my self in that position.

 

So she offered me a day a week to pick him up after school and spend the afternoon with him and then I could just drop him off when we were done hanging out, but like I said it is to painful for me to be around him right now and not only that she is having to have either the grandparents pick him up from school or she takes off work and picks him up and takes him back with her, so a part of me feels like if I was to do that it would and only was to benefit herself in a way. I almost feel like texting her and asking what is it that she wants from me and why does she feel like she has to text or call, but I don't want to break my NC that I am never the one to text or call her this whole entire time.

 

I need my closure with her honestly because I feel like I can't keep waiting for her to change her mind but I can't move on either for the same reasons. When I start to feel better boom there she is texting or going out of her way driving down the main street that I live off of. One last thing I can't be totally NC because we used to live together and our landlord told us that she was selling the house we were renting, we had decided instead of wasting money on high rent prices we would move back into our parents homes to save every bit of money together to buy a home, so we have all our belongings and a car of mine in a storage that we split the rent on and she always contacts me for me to put the money in the account and to go pay the bill.

 

Anyway a little more info we still share a joint banking account I don't deposit my checks into it however so I can keep up with my money, I had to block her from Facebook because she was in my business every second and on her Facebook she still has pictures of all of us on there which I went through and deleted any picture that we were ever together already. I also bought her a engagement ring which she knew about however I never gave it to her, so in the past times that we would be civil and talk she always asks if I still have the ring or not. She also acted really offensive to me telling her that I was going to start looking for a 1bdr apartment.

 

I feel like she isn't taking the situation or me seriously and showing no respect to me either. I also feel like texting her back and saying I know it may be hard for you but what we need is to have no contact with each other to get our heads right and to be able to heal from the breakup that I will deposit and go write a check for the storage every month to not worry about it and for her to just leave me alone.

Edited November 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Zahara]

1. You are prioritizing someone that sees you as an option.

 

2. The more you stay in contact with her, the more you enable her behavior. It won't change because she knows she has you securely where she wants you to be. The only way to determine an outcome, bad or good is to step away, cold turkey NC and let it take its course. She'll either realize the loss and want to make it work or she'll accept it and move on.

 

3. Bad for using her child to get to you. Not good.

 

4. Smart of you to distance yourself from the child because while you are in pain, you at least understand the situation. An 8 year old shouldn't be put in a situation that confuses and hurts him.

 

5. The child isn't yours. Let him go. And let her go.

[Whatever12321]

So this past week I guess has been a emotional roller coaster for her. Like I said I finally replied back to her about her text then she replied back. Well she just texted me again asking if I am talking to anyone that she really needed to know. I then replied back Why? She said because, that she won't say anything just needs to know.

 

I replied back to her no, not really.Why? She then said Ok thanks thats what I needed to know, I said REALLY!. She said that the past week has been hell for her and she can't stop thinking about me and is driving her nuts. We went into a semi-conversation I was mostly upset from feeling like I really just screwed up again but she said that she has just wanted to call me to have me hold her. I laughed, that I wouldn't take her bait.

 

Anyway she said she missed me and thinks about me everyday, and that it is so hard. I told her I know and she sent crying faces. Like I said she is religious and we both have a app on our phone that gives random bible verses, todays was about the brokenhearted. So I asked if she read it she said yes, that it reminded her of me, I told her to pray just like she told me when I was going through all of this at the beginning. And that was it, I understand though that I really took a few steps backward but I felt I did what was right and I feel good about my decision at least for now.

 

I honestly don't know what all of this is about or if she just misses me, lonely, or if everything is finally setting in but I am going to not initiate anything still and let her figure out her emotions for now. I don't want to let her know how I really feel because I am scared that it will satisfy what she is needing and pull back again. So if anyone wants to give any advice I would love to hear it.

[freebird31]

If you are really uneasy about this, have you thought about just asking her and communicating with her these problems? Ask her "is there a chance for us, yes or no" no iffy answers and no maybes. It's either a yes or no. If it's not a yea then it's a no. And u need to move on. Stop playing these games with her and allowing her to play them with you. Be upfront and have a mature one to one conversation. Get your answers. Stop assuming. If the answers no, u need to let it go ! And move on. Because that is truly unfair for you. If she wants her space for the time being, fine. but only if you two are working towards the goal to be together. She needs to be clear. And maybe she might not even know what she wants. But you CANNOT wait around for her to figure it out. If that's also the case, start NC and move on!!! NC at all. And ask her if she could please respect your need for space to heal.

[notthathard]

She is getting exactly what she needs from you.

She asked you a question about if your seeing anyone else, you answered her.

Sending crying faces, oh no.

She has the power now and she knows it.

[BC1980]

So this past week I guess has been a emotional roller coaster for her. Like I said I finally replied back to her about her text then she replied back. Well she just texted me again asking if I am talking to anyone that she really needed to know. I then replied back Why? She said because, that she won't say anything just needs to know.

 

I replied back to her no, not really.Why? She then said Ok thanks thats what I needed to know, I said REALLY!. She said that the past week has been hell for her and she can't stop thinking about me and is driving her nuts. We went into a semi-conversation I was mostly upset from feeling like I really just screwed up again but she said that she has just wanted to call me to have me hold her. I laughed, that I wouldn't take her bait.

 

Anyway she said she missed me and thinks about me everyday, and that it is so hard. I told her I know and she sent crying faces. Like I said she is religious and we both have a app on our phone that gives random bible verses, todays was about the brokenhearted. So I asked if she read it she said yes, that it reminded her of me, I told her to pray just like she told me when I was going through all of this at the beginning. And that was it, I understand though that I really took a few steps backward but I felt I did what was right and I feel good about my decision at least for now.

 

I honestly don't know what all of this is about or if she just misses me, lonely, or if everything is finally setting in but I am going to not initiate anything still and let her figure out her emotions for now. I don't want to let her know how I really feel because I am scared that it will satisfy what she is needing and pull back again. So if anyone wants to give any advice I would love to hear it.

 

I'm puking right now. My ex pulled this exact same thing. Cried his fake tears. Said it was just so hard for him. He missed me ever so much. Said he was worried I was dating someone else. Again, I'm puking just writing that.

 

Of course, after months of that nonsense, he was still confused. Big surprise. NC is what you need.

[Simon Phoenix]

So this past week I guess has been a emotional roller coaster for her. Like I said I finally replied back to her about her text then she replied back. Well she just texted me again asking if I am talking to anyone that she really needed to know. I then replied back Why? She said because, that she won't say anything just needs to know.

 

I replied back to her no, not really.Why? She then said Ok thanks thats what I needed to know, I said REALLY!. She said that the past week has been hell for her and she can't stop thinking about me and is driving her nuts. We went into a semi-conversation I was mostly upset from feeling like I really just screwed up again but she said that she has just wanted to call me to have me hold her. I laughed, that I wouldn't take her bait.

 

Anyway she said she missed me and thinks about me everyday, and that it is so hard. I told her I know and she sent crying faces. Like I said she is religious and we both have a app on our phone that gives random bible verses, todays was about the brokenhearted. So I asked if she read it she said yes, that it reminded her of me, I told her to pray just like she told me when I was going through all of this at the beginning. And that was it, I understand though that I really took a few steps backward but I felt I did what was right and I feel good about my decision at least for now.

 

I honestly don't know what all of this is about or if she just misses me, lonely, or if everything is finally setting in but I am going to not initiate anything still and let her figure out her emotions for now. I don't want to let her know how I really feel because I am scared that it will satisfy what she is needing and pull back again. So if anyone wants to give any advice I would love to hear it.

 

You need to stop enabling her. Every time you respond, it gives her a boost. STOP RESPONDING NOW! She's not going to quit if you keep caving in and indulging her.

[Whatever12321]

You are all right, my point was though how do I know that after NC that she infact may have had a change of heart and want to work things out if I never respond back? I honestly am doing better than ever but every time she text a week or 2 after NC it makes me start thinking that she wants to work things out which makes it so hard to not respond.

 

After our text the other night I had a hard time trying to figure out for myself if I would even want her back if she did want to work on things. I am tired of all the games and power bs, I just want her to either get her feelings in order or to leave me alone all together. However now that it has been a few days since I have talked to her I don't want to contact her and have her give me answers anymore even though I feel like I need them.

 

But I feel like if I did that I would come off as wanting her back when Im unsure if that is what I want anyway or give her even more security that I am still interested. So my plan now is to go back to what I have been doing and just worrying about myself and the next time she contacts me ignore it until she can someway prove that she is 100% committed to earning a chance back in my life.