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Struggling with NC [update: hit a low point]

Thedafox

By Thedafox
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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crederer Established Member

crederer

Posted
Posted

I dunno. Ex dumped me 7 months ago, she's still single and for some reason this bothers me too. Like....she'd rather be alone than me with me, even though I treated her pretty damn well.

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love1336x Established Member

love1336x

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life happens.

my ex of 3 years pull that on me but with a girl at work!

so I was force to see them be all cute and loving to one another.

 

I couldnt take it. I went to his house and blah we had sex.

went through his phone he was talking to tons of girls. I flipped so hard. broke his phone. .

 

this when I was younger. I would never do this again for dude.

KelC411 Established Member

KelC411

Posted
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Hi Thedafox. I feelyour pain. My ex left me for another woman "out of the blue" (I am starting to look back and realize there were signs I missed in my state of love) although I didnt find that out until about 2 weeks after the break up when he posted on facebook about his "special someone." I felt like someone had punched me. I am still getting over the BU let alone imagining him falling in love with another girl (who by the way I know he was talking to in the last month we were dating). I broke NC once and I regret it because he said some truly nasty and hurtful things to me. Like a stranger. not just a stranger but a stranger who hates you. So, I recommend staying NC, reminding yourself that this is about them and some need or issue they have, and moving forwardto find someone who isnt going to emotionally cheat or pretend when they are already checked out. We deserve better. I dont know you but I do know that. No one deserves to be dumped with no warning and then have to watch their ex in a new relationship regardless of whether dumpers do it frequently or not. Hang in there and the pain will lessen.

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Fangorn Member

Fangorn

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I'm in the same boat buddy, looking back at the relationship though I can't even see any red flags except a few days before we broke up. I initiated NC straight away to retain some dignity for myself and went to great lengths to do it, I can't even google search her name. Knowing that you can't will help stop you wanting to so you should view being blocked on everything as a positive, now the last step is to delete her number from everywhere, don't even keep a copy of it anywhere.

 

Every day you'll be less and less inclined to because you simply don't have the means to and everything you want to say to her, you should write in a letter and then tear or burn it.

 

As for thoughts of your ex with someone new, I find saying "Stop!" aloud and imagining a Stop sign is enough to interrupt the thought, and then I ask myself why does it matter anymore?

lil hoodlum Established Member

lil hoodlum

Posted
Posted
he said some truly nasty and hurtful things to me. Like a stranger. not just a stranger but a stranger who hates you.

 

Any ideas why does the dumper act like this?

 

I mean I just don't understand. They are the cowards yet they treat you as if you are the "bad guy" in all of this? Where does this hatred come from?

  • Like 1
reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
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It's out of your control, start focusing things you can control, like what you're doing with yourself. Find a new hobby, find what makes you happy, connect with old friends and make new ones too.

KelC411 Established Member

KelC411

Posted
Posted
Any ideas why does the dumper act like this?

 

I mean I just don't understand. They are the cowards yet they treat you as if you are the "bad guy" in all of this? Where does this hatred come from?

 

I am not sure. I have given it a lot of thought. Most people would say that they are done and just want us gone and I am sure that is part of it. But I wonder if some of it is guilt. They dont want to have to face that they 1)fell out of love or stopped trying or whatever happened and 2)that they were cowardly and blindsided us instead of being honest. It is easier to paint us as the villians and move on then to accept that they may have also made some mistakes.

 

But honestly, i really have no idea. I was shocked at the things he said. Even if someone had told me he would dump me, I NEVER would have thought he would be so cruel. It makes me question if I knew him at all.

2fargone Established Member

2fargone

Posted
Posted
Any ideas why does the dumper act like this?

 

I mean I just don't understand. They are the cowards yet they treat you as if you are the "bad guy" in all of this? Where does this hatred come from?

 

 

 

It's a self-protection thing. You either feel guilty and similar things like that, or you go the 'hate' route...

 

 

The end result won't change, in terms of either wanting you back or not. It just takes time...

strive Established Member

strive

Posted
Posted
Any ideas why does the dumper act like this?

 

I mean I just don't understand. They are the cowards yet they treat you as if you are the "bad guy" in all of this? Where does this hatred come from?

My guess:

 

Because at that point they truly and honestly don't care about you/what you think anymore and you're being a HUGE bother to them by clinging. You're annoying. You're essentially ruining their "moment" or their chance to make a good impression with the new guy/girl.

 

Dumpers who have their eyes set on someone new tend to be incredibly selfish.

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