Struggling with NC [update: hit a low point]

[Thedafox]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up on October 22nd, it just came out of the blue.

 

We had gone to the fair that past Sunday and had one of the best dates we've had in years (dated for almost 3 years, 2 years 7 months to be exact) and she even told me she was back to being "obsessed" with me again. It was absolutely perfect, that day, minus one little fight we had.

 

2 days later she tells me she's bored and wants to live the single life. I don't know where it came from but it hit like a truck. I went to a friends house that very same night in a complete daze, I don't remember much from the 3 min drive from her house to his except how I almost got hit because I almost ran a stop sign.

 

 

She wanted to remain friends after that and I tried, but NOTHING good came out of it. I was an emotional wreck, always trying to talk to her about how to fix it and it just made everything worse. She had been talking to someone she met on POF and apparently she "really really likes him, he even works at Lockheed Martin!"

 

I've tried No Contact about 2 weeks ago and I just can't find it in myself to do it. I go out to run when I get upset and that makes me tired, then I try to lay down and I find my mind racing about her and whatever his name is doing together, it just drives me insane.

 

How did she move on so quick after a serious relationship? I was replaced within 6 days of our breakup (she had another crush) and now she's talking about dating this guy 4 weeks after our breakup.

 

How do I build up the courage to not message her anymore? She has me blocked on almost everything with the exception of me calling her.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up on October 22nd, it just came out of the blue.

 

We had gone to the fair that past Sunday and had one of the best dates we've had in years (dated for almost 3 years, 2 years 7 months to be exact) and she even told me she was back to being "obsessed" with me again. It was absolutely perfect, that day, minus one little fight we had.

 

2 days later she tells me she's bored and wants to live the single life. I don't know where it came from but it hit like a truck. I went to a friends house that very same night in a complete daze, I don't remember much from the 3 min drive from her house to his except how I almost got hit because I almost ran a stop sign.

 

 

She wanted to remain friends after that and I tried, but NOTHING good came out of it. I was an emotional wreck, always trying to talk to her about how to fix it and it just made everything worse. She had been talking to someone she met on POF and apparently she "really really likes him, he even works at Lockheed Martin!"

 

I've tried No Contact about 2 weeks ago and I just can't find it in myself to do it. I go out to run when I get upset and that makes me tired, then I try to lay down and I find my mind racing about her and whatever his name is doing together, it just drives me insane.

 

How did she move on so quick after a serious relationship? I was replaced within 6 days of our breakup (she had another crush) and now she's talking about dating this guy 4 weeks after our breakup.

 

How do I build up the courage to not message her anymore? She has me blocked on almost everything with the exception of me calling her.

 

Whats up man? Welcome to Loveshack.

 

First, I'm sorry to hear about this situation. It sounds like its a rough one honestly.

 

One of the main things many of the people being dumped on here struggle with is "Why did they break up with me out of the blue?" and "how did he/she move on so fast?" Its a question that will tear you apart if you let it get to you.

 

What you have to learn is many dumpers (not all, but a vast majority) have thought about breaking up for a long time now. To you, it was out of the blue...to them, the thought was an endless loop for a little while. Nothing really happens just like that. It is such a kick in the privates, but very true. Now WHY they did it could be a number of reason....they werent interested in you anymore, they were bored, they wanted something different, they dont know what they want etc etc etc....the main thing here is DONT bother with it because it will just make your days longer.

 

In this situation, she seems to have jumped that fence VERY quickly. I wouldnt doubt that this new guy hasnt been there for a while and not something completely new. Most dumpers (again, not all, but a vast majority) already have someone lined up because they already moved on from you emotionally a while ago. Maybe not cheating per say, but she already emotionally checked out man.

 

All of this is really hard, but the key here is healing and moving forward. Its a tough road, but something that will make you stronger in the end. DO NOT BREAK NC. It will ONLY set you back so much farther. Use this site to break the want of contacting her, and realize (and this one is hard because you do NOT want this) that there are other people out there worthy of your time and attention. Someone who is willing to just bolt after so long just because she claims to be "bored" is someone you dont need.

 

Keep the chin up.

[Fufu]

My ex girlfriend and I broke up on October 22nd, it just came out of the blue.

 

We had gone to the fair that past Sunday and had one of the best dates we've had in years (dated for almost 3 years, 2 years 7 months to be exact) and she even told me she was back to being "obsessed" with me again. It was absolutely perfect, that day, minus one little fight we had.

 

2 days later she tells me she's bored and wants to live the single life. I don't know where it came from but it hit like a truck. I went to a friends house that very same night in a complete daze, I don't remember much from the 3 min drive from her house to his except how I almost got hit because I almost ran a stop sign.

 

 

She wanted to remain friends after that and I tried, but NOTHING good came out of it. I was an emotional wreck, always trying to talk to her about how to fix it and it just made everything worse. She had been talking to someone she met on POF and apparently she "really really likes him, he even works at Lockheed Martin!"

 

I've tried No Contact about 2 weeks ago and I just can't find it in myself to do it. I go out to run when I get upset and that makes me tired, then I try to lay down and I find my mind racing about her and whatever his name is doing together, it just drives me insane.

 

How did she move on so quick after a serious relationship? I was replaced within 6 days of our breakup (she had another crush) and now she's talking about dating this guy 4 weeks after our breakup.

 

How do I build up the courage to not message her anymore? She has me blocked on almost everything with the exception of me calling her.

 

 

I believe she must have think thousand of times before breaking up with you thus it was easier for her to move on and find a new person.

 

The reality hurts at times, especially when you have no idea at all. Not even a slightest signal.

 

Continue with NC, I know it's tough and most of us been through this. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel and right now you have to just walk through this tunnel and find the light. Don't give up on NC.

[Thedafox]

I believe she must have think thousand of times before breaking up with you thus it was easier for her to move on and find a new person.

 

The reality hurts at times, especially when you have no idea at all. Not even a slightest signal.

 

Continue with NC, I know it's tough and most of us been through this. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel and right now you have to just walk through this tunnel and find the light. Don't give up on NC.

 

 

 

I really don't know how though, she talked to me about marriage, having kids less than a month ago. She said she couldn't see herself with anyone else just a few days before a breakup.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I really don't know how though, she talked to me about marriage, having kids less than a month ago. She said she couldn't see herself with anyone else just a few days before a breakup.

 

You'll also learn that words don't mean much in the end. Many ex's on here say thousands of things even hours before a breakup that turns out to not be true. AFTER mine did, she said it wasn't a full breakup and that I'm the one she is going to marry and how I'm the one yada yada...that was a year ago. I'm story 1 of 100000 on here who went though the same stuff.

 

Stick to your guns. Don't contact her right now. It comes off as desperate and needy. Keep moving forward.

Edited November 21, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[notthathard]

I really don't know how though, she talked to me about marriage, having kids less than a month ago. She said she couldn't see herself with anyone else just a few days before a breakup.

 

Ahh yes sounds familiar to me which happened sometime ago.

She talked about having a child and getting married all the time, even up will the last few weeks.

 

She probably did want to do these things, just not with you. Sorry to say that but it was like that for me.

[acidios]

well im not the right man to talk about but trust me i really feel the same pain as you right now i also was dump at 22 October like you and trust me all that time i tryed to reconnect to talk..

nothing worked so now im taking the NC rule seriusly to fix my self and it will be better for you to doit also its hard yes but its the best to do for you

 

cry if you feel to cry dont hold your emotions but look your self and only you the only thing that i must tell you is get yourself ready for a hard month xmas is a time that its not easy to face and you will need to be really strong (the same goes to me also)

 

you said that she have you blocked on everything with the exception of you calling her. delete her phone number doit dont think enything just doit it and focus on NC. stay strong get ready for xmas (the same goes to me)

[Jules78]

I really don't know how though, she talked to me about marriage, having kids less than a month ago. She said she couldn't see herself with anyone else just a few days before a breakup.

 

My ex did the same thing. Was telling me all of the wonderful things he loved about me and I was the only one, blah blah blah. Then he just disappeared - shut me out and now he is with someone new that he met last month and he is the "happiest he has ever been in his whole life". Awesome. Don't snoop on her social media sites because I did and it will rip your heart out.

 

My feeling is that they are insecure need constant validation that they are loved. That's the only thing I can gather from it because it makes no dang sense otherwise. I can't turn my feelings on and off. Thing with this guy though, my ex, is that he has a pattern of moving on to something new and it becomes serious quick because he cannot be alone for even one day. If you don't show him love constantly, he seeks it elsewhere. No telling how many women there were that I didn't know about.

 

Do not contact her. I promise it will only make you feel worthless. Don't do it!

[Haydn]

Forget everything she said or promised. Its about you now sonny boy! Pick yourself up. Delete her number. You need to be alone and go through this. Dont let her pity you. We have all messed up in the beginning of a break up. Just dont contact....Take care.

[aelvidge]

He is a rebound and it wont last, I wouldn't worry about him

[organizedchaos]

I really don't know how though, she talked to me about marriage, having kids less than a month ago. She said she couldn't see herself with anyone else just a few days before a breakup.

 

 

 

She may have just been trying to convince herself that was true. Maybe by saying it it would make her negative thoughts go away. But several days later she still felt the same way and figured this is what must be. Sucks man, similar story as mine.

[BC1980]

Ahh yes sounds familiar to me which happened sometime ago.

She talked about having a child and getting married all the time, even up will the last few weeks.

 

She probably did want to do these things, just not with you. Sorry to say that but it was like that for me.

 

I thought this was unique, but it's apparently pretty common. My ex told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him a few days before he dumped me. He was even texting me that he loved me the very day he broke up with me. We were even planning a trip with our families, and my dad had bought his plane ticket. I've since found out that this type of thing isn't all that uncommon, but it hurts like h*ll.

 

My ex said he wanted to get married, we lived together, we had some joint assets. I mean, in the end, it means nothing if they break up with you. There are people who leave 30 year marriages, so we shouldn't be too surprised.

 

If anything, I've learned that life is punctuated by highs and lows, and we are solely responsible for our own happiness no matter what gets thrown our way. We are not being singled out. It's just life. I've learned to enjoy every minute, and I think that is the biggest lesson I have taken from this. I have realized what is truly important to me, and I have found out that I actually do have the power to make myself happy. These are tough lessons, but you will see them in time. It's still fresh right now, but I promise that the silver lining is there somewhere.

[MoveAlong]

My ex and I dated for 3 years, and she was convinced that I was the one...apparently time changes things quickly. I, too, was taken by surprise by my break up. It's been 6 weeks, and I have maintained NC. It sucks. There is no denying it. For me, getting out of bed, and being functional has turned into a challenge. When we broke up, every single friend of mine said, "it's okay..it'll hurt...move along...become even better...your future is amazing...blah blah". I never heard or accepted anything. But NC has helped me from acting like a fool. As much as I want to contact her and talk to her...there is no point! She KNOWs how I feel; there is no more talk needed. She has contacted me but until she asks to talk about us, there is nothing more to say. Her texts have only set me back. You need to stay NC! One thing that helps me is working or being around other people. If I need to focus, I work in a more public area...café, library, etc. Goodluck! Stay NC! I'm a day away from my 6th week of NC. Each day has been a little better; I'd be lying if I said that I still don't feel poorly...but, the forums are right...each day does get a little better. There are ups and downs, but we will all move along.

[Simon Phoenix]

He is a rebound and it wont last, I wouldn't worry about him

 

Unless you marry your first love, every relationship is a rebound of sorts. I mean, both of my parents got married to their "rebounds" after divorcing.

 

I think people put way too much emphasis into the whole rebound thing. I honestly think it doesn't matter as much as people think it does.

 

As for the OP, you have to go No Contact for your own sanity and self-respect. Posters in here are right in the fact that she likely has been preparing for this in her mind for weeks/months, which is why it seems like she's moved on so quickly. She got a headstart on you in the moving on process. And everything she said to you while you were dating is null and void. It's basically a deleted file on your computer and the only way to go back and access it is to take it out of the trash bin. Unfortunately for you, only she can do that.

[Thedafox]

So here's an update on how the situation is going

 

I haven't messaged her since the original post and it's getting a hell of a lot better. I, most like everyone else here, still has moments where they miss their S/O but it generally passes and I feel myself not moving on just yet but being comfortable with being without her.

 

I've gone on a few dates and they were fun but I do feel a bit iffy because I know I'm not over her so I've just been focusing on myself and it's been helping a lot, went from 250 to about 235 now, aiming for 190.

 

This website has been a tremendous help and I'm glad I discovered it.

[Thedafox]

I hit a low point today and asked an old mutual friend of ours how's she's doing, she told me she was doing fine and said that she was in a relationship with a guy she met online.

 

 

Why is it killing me so much? I want her to be happy but it kills me to think that's she's already replaced me so quickly. We were serious for 2 years 7 months and were talking about getting our own place and marriage and all that fun stuff 2 days before we broke up.

 

Any advice?

[LadyM]

That they can effortlessly replace us so quickly I think is the worst of the BU pain. Two weeks before my ex broke up with me, he told me he is nothing without me. Two weeks later, he met a new girl and I was out. I know how you feel. The pain of them cavorting happily with their new love is beyond devastating.

 

I don't even have any advice to give you because nothing helped me, except for the passage of time that made the memory of the hurt diminish in intensity.

 

As horrible as you feel now, I can promise you with my whole heart that, one day, it won't sting as sharply.

[Thedafox]

That they can effortlessly replace us so quickly I think is the worst of the BU pain. Two weeks before my ex broke up with me, he told me he is nothing without me. Two weeks later, he met a new girl and I was out. I know how you feel. The pain of them cavorting happily with their new love is beyond devastating.

 

I don't even have any advice to give you because nothing helped me, except for the passage of time that made the memory of the hurt diminish in intensity.

 

As horrible as you feel now, I can promise you with my whole heart that, one day, it won't sting as sharply.

 

 

How long did it take for you to accept all of it? This is my first major breakup so I am not sure when the healing actually begins to set it. I went 3 weeks of being apathetic to it then I had a dream about her 3 nights ago and I swear it feels like I'm back at step one.

[LadyM]

It took me a long time. I had my ups and downs for about a year, and then finally, a full year was the turning point for me and I was able to accept the situation. I feel like I was in denial for a long time. I felt like even though he was with her, he somehow still cared deeply for me.

 

But I feel like I'm an oddity and most people will recover much quicker than me, as you likely will. I'm embarrassed to even tell you it took me so long.

[im_thedude]

Read the original post in this thread.

 

Specifically, the part about how nothing is ever as it seems.

 

I am sorry, but your ex girlfriend probably had thought long and hard about leaving. She hid it well from you.

 

My ex girlfriend had broken up with me just days after a birthday, where she gave me a romantic present. We planned upcoming vacations together, we clung onto each other, kissed. I had seen vague writing on the wall months in advance but was under the impression that both parties were determined to make it work.

 

... I was wrong. When she left, it felt like she had hit a switch and became a totally different person. When I did an autopsy on the relationship, and really looked hard at our problems dating back years, I realized the true meaning of how love is blind. The red flags were there, and the relationship was running it's course many months in advance. I don't know if I either saw them and refused to act upon them, or if the blinders guided my mind toward strictly the happy aspects of our relationship. Regardless, it's very clear to me how poisonous we were to each other. For years, we brought each other down.

 

Your shock will turn to grief, and that's when the true pain and regret for what you lost will likely set in.

[Hotsauce3mk]

I'm almost 2 months post breakup as well and I am DREADING the day that I find out that my ex gf is dating someone new. I saw her on the tinder dating app just a few weeks after it ended and that really set me back to picture her dating someone else after we just spent over 2 (what i thought were very happy) years together. I have no idea if she is with someone new already but she is the kind of girl that always has someone that likes her. It's one of the things that is making me stay completely NC. Because I don't want to know ANYTHING that is going on. I'm just hoping I can prolong hearing about her or hearing from her until I've moved on but it will be tough considering we have a couple mutual friends.

 

The only advice I can say is to tell your friends not to tell you anything about your ex and just stay NC until you're ready to hear the worst. I don't know the situation you had with your ex but it seems like she blind sided you like my ex did if she was just talking about marriage just 2 days before it ended. But when thoughts of my ex with someone else come into my head I try and focus on the negatives about her, the red flags, and what I need to do to improve myself.

[2fargone]

I must be the odd one here. For me figuring out she had someone else, putting the pieces together of how she was luring him in (or he her) in the last month we were together, was all I needed to let go. It's where I draw the line.

[Reels]

I hit a low point today and asked an old mutual friend of ours how's she's doing, she told me she was doing fine and said that she was in a relationship with a guy she met online.

 

 

Why is it killing me so much? I want her to be happy but it kills me to think that's she's already replaced me so quickly. We were serious for 2 years 7 months and were talking about getting our own place and marriage and all that fun stuff 2 days before we broke up.

 

Any advice?

You can hate her for that as much you want, but in the end of the day you will still believe that you love her a lot.

 

Well, just bear this slow poison, nothing else can be said.

[LadyM]

I must be the odd one here. For me figuring out she had someone else, putting the pieces together of how she was luring him in (or he her) in the last month we were together, was all I needed to let go. It's where I draw the line.

 

You aren't odd - you're lucky.

 

How I envy you.

[strive]

I must be the odd one here. For me figuring out she had someone else, putting the pieces together of how she was luring him in (or he her) in the last month we were together, was all I needed to let go. It's where I draw the line.

Same for me. It's like the final nail to the coffin.