inarticulate Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Hey all, heartbroken fella here. My girlfriend of two and a half years just dumped me over the phone earlier this week, even though she was planning on visiting for Thanksgiving. She said that despite still liking me a lot and caring about me, she strongly felt she needed to take care of things about herself and be single. This was completely out-of-the-blue for me, because though we had some differences, we had agreed very recently to emphasize mutual sacrifice and compromise to help mend our relationship. I had also recently moved across the country for a new job, and our goodbyes at the airport were tearful and full of love and future plans. Needless to say, I was pretty saddened, but I thought it was okay because of the whole "grass is greener syndrome" thing. She said that there might be future for us six or twelve months out. But despite me saying that if she hooked up with guys there wouldn't be, she decides to throw a party and get drunk only three days (!) after we broke up. I mean, this was a 2.5 year relationship where we lived together, met each other's families, and were planning future adventures together only a few weeks ago. We were still texting, but when I asked for an opportunity to talk to her about us, she firmly stated that she was sorry but "this is what a break-up is" and asked me not to fly over and see her to try and fix it. How does this just happen? I did everything for this girl to try and help her be happy. Everything. Are relationships seriously this fickle? Am I too much of a "Mr. Nice Guy", who will just be screwed by girls who get bored? Is this how love is usually reciprocated?
chris21422 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Man I'm going through this exact same thing right now.. We cried at the airport said stuff but after 2 months she change her mind and wanted to be alone. The best I can advice you is do "No Contact" immediately.. Stop contacting her now and just disappeared.. You just pushing her more and more the more you insist about your relationship the more she is sure about her decision. Give her space man, Give her the gift of missing you. When it comes to giving her attention at this part of the relationship, less is more. I know it's hard.. I'm only day 35 of my No Contact but this is the only way man. Hey all, heartbroken fella here. My girlfriend of two and a half years just dumped me over the phone earlier this week, even though she was planning on visiting for Thanksgiving. She said that despite still liking me a lot and caring about me, she strongly felt she needed to take care of things about herself and be single. This was completely out-of-the-blue for me, because though we had some differences, we had agreed very recently to emphasize mutual sacrifice and compromise to help mend our relationship. I had also recently moved across the country for a new job, and our goodbyes at the airport were tearful and full of love and future plans. Needless to say, I was pretty saddened, but I thought it was okay because of the whole "grass is greener syndrome" thing. She said that there might be future for us six or twelve months out. But despite me saying that if she hooked up with guys there wouldn't be, she decides to throw a party and get drunk only three days (!) after we broke up. I mean, this was a 2.5 year relationship where we lived together, met each other's families, and were planning future adventures together only a few weeks ago. We were still texting, but when I asked for an opportunity to talk to her about us, she firmly stated that she was sorry but "this is what a break-up is" and asked me not to fly over and see her to try and fix it. How does this just happen? I did everything for this girl to try and help her be happy. Everything. Are relationships seriously this fickle? Am I too much of a "Mr. Nice Guy", who will just be screwed by girls who get bored? Is this how love is usually reciprocated?
melell Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 People are fickle. Put them in a relationship and that is what happens. I will say completely ignore anything anyone says in the first 3 months after the break up- I mean don't take what they say seriously or read into it. Things that are said after that time are a pretty good signal of where they are at. Unfortunately the dumpee gets thrown into a 'process' against their wishes- and you really do just have to go through it. I say nc, but especially in the sense that you need to get ok with being single regardless of whether they come back or not. Yeah, it does save you a lot of hurt, but I do think the learning to be happy alone is the most important reason to do. Not all relationships end this way, not everyone wants to go out and explore, and there are certainly many many people who really appreciate what they have. After my break up I thought this; Love is a lie People are horrible, everyone is selfish Relationships are a torturous waste of time, not worth the risk Almost 6 months later and I no longer think any of these things. Hang in there, ride it out. I promise you will grow, learn, and become stronger. Breaking up is a ****ty experience, but a really really valuable one. I can honestly say I am glad I went through it. 2
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