Babolat Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 How is his desire to meet in person not equally as valid? Some people, like myself, are bad on the phone. Some people, like myself, are also absolutely terrible at interacting with new people, and I need a drink to ease the nerves. Then again, he could just be looking for something else. I don't know. I can only speak for me . Then have a drink, before you call her
Babolat Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 The one thing I have learned. for me, with OLD, is not to spend too much time talking, chatting, texting, etc. You get this image in your head, you have an expectation, and, for the most part, it's never what you think. I am starting to become a fan of a few online messages, a few texts, maybe a call, then meet. It's situational and circumstantial too. I use to think if a girl wanted to meet me right away something was up, odd. I have discovered that is not always the case. One in particular told me she just wants to meet as soon as possible to see if there is chemistry. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 How would you determine if it's safe to meet someone just by talking on the phone? People can say anything to make you comfortable, whether over the phone or in-person. Example, I had a girlfriend that spoke to a guy for a month on the phone and online and on their fourth date, while being intimate for the first time he became forceful and violent. And if you are meeting someone in a public place, how would you be jeopardizing your safety? Of course somebody could be lying to me but I need to hear tone of voice, I need to gauge how quickly or slowly questions are answered, it's a bit of a vibe, not quite a science. Maybe it is a false sense of security but I'm just not comfortable jumping form OL to IRL . . . I need that intermediary step in between. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Of course somebody could be lying to me but I need to hear tone of voice, I need to gauge how quickly or slowly questions are answered, it's a bit of a vibe, not quite a science. Maybe it is a false sense of security but I'm just not comfortable jumping form OL to IRL . . . I need that intermediary step in between. Yes, this is what i need also.. and glad to hear that I wasn't being unreasonable in requesting a phone chat. btw i wrote him back and told him that it would be fun to meet but since he didn't want to chat first it wasn't going to work out for us. he emailed back saying, what's your number, let's chat. so there you go, stand up for what makes you feel comfortable and don't back down on it! i'll let you know if does have something to hide!! 2
NJtoDC Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I've been chatting with this guy on POF... he wants to meet me for drinks i told him I'd feel more comfortable if we at least spoke on the phone first but he just replied back that he'd rather just meet for drinks at a local place any thoughts on what i should do? How long have you been chatting with him? Did he tell you why he was declining your request to speak on the phone first? I also wouldn't meet without speaking first. I feel you get to know the person a little better when you speak on the phone, instead of chat online. I feel it breaks the ice a bit. When we meet he will be a little more familiar. If he isn't willing to speak on the phone, I would decide how important it is to you and how much you want to meet him. I wouldn't even ask whe he isn't willing to accommodate your comfort, as that is reason enough not to meet in my book. If he can't oblige you a simply phone call what else will he not care about you wanting/needing? I'd be curious what reasons he would have to refuse a phone call. The only ones I can think of are not reasons I would be pleased with- whether if it's being phone-shy or hiding you from his wife, or he is paranoid you are a stalker, or hiding his identity. If this was me- I would probably be like "It was nice talking with you John. I'm not comfortable with meeting a man without speaking on the phone first. I'm going to have to decline your invitation. I wish you well!":love: If he is sensitive to your needs and didn't realize how important this is to you he could change his mind. If he thinks you are being unreasonable? He's not the one for you. A phone call is nothing. What happens when you marry a man like this and ask him for something that is actual sacrifice?
NJtoDC Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) As far as online dating etiquette: My personal expectation of a man is that he will be a gentleman and be concerned for my safety and comfort when it comes to meeting him. If it is long distant- I want him to be willing to come to my area (or at the least, a place I am comfortable and familiar with) for our first meet. I don't want our first meeting to involve alcohol. I want to be sober, alert, and have me senses. I also want to make my best impression, and being even a bit tipsy won't help. Guys who have tried to get my drinking, and especially drunk, on a first date? Not a good sign in my book. He wouldn't want someone doing this to his sister, so what is his motive? Both these guys I am confident didn't respect me and just wanted to loosen me up in an effort for sex. I would expect the man to be concerned with and accommodate my comfort in whatever what that it was reasonably requested. If we are at a bar (perhaps not the first date) and I am uncomfortable with something there, and I ask to leave, I want him to be looking out for me- not himself. If he is getting a little to familiar or touchy I want to be able to tell him once (sweetly) how I feel and he responds respectfully and perhaps even apologetically. If I am not comfortable inviting him to my home or going to his yet- I want a man who is concerned with my sense of safety and security. If I express I want to meet in a public place at first, I want him to be pleased to oblige me even if he doesn't see the need himself. These are qualities that I want in a man. I want to feel safe, protected, cared for, etc. If he can't or won't see to that- he is not for me. Edited November 22, 2013 by NJtoDC 1
Blade96 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What the OP decided to do? Good call (pun intended) Calling first before meeting is awesome. If he is a decent man, he will understand when he hears your thought. If not - muppet if he doesn't. And then move on. 1
freetolove Posted December 4, 2013 Posted December 4, 2013 move on to the next one. who knows what he'll pressure you into next.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 He called me but i missed his call he didn't leave a message.., I didn't call him back since he hadn't left a message but I did message him a thank you for the effort on the POF site he responded kinda cranky saying that yeah he had called from work! i didn't answer that message and now there's been no further contact...
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