AnyaNova Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 My question is, for you shy guys who keep things close to the hip (even the older shy guys), how can we (shy women) tell that you like us like that? And moreso, what are ways that we could communicate, if we suspect that you like us like that, that we like you like that, very subtly, in ways that us shy women would actually be capable of, you know, doing? Or am I doomed to a life of Mahlimapinhatipai?
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Look for signs of increased anxiety when he's around you. If he's able to talk fine in front of people, see if he's awkward and uncomfortable talking to you. That's a good sign. You may have to break the ice. You can ask for help or to borrow something. Don't ogle, but when your eyes to meet, look right into them and smile gently. Be subtle. He may have trouble picking up on hints, so don't give up if he doesn't get a clue the first time you approach (or the second and third, etc.) Once you figure out something else in common, use it as a conversation topic. The more you guys talk, the more comfortable he should get. 1
Esoteric Elf Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Make it obvious that you like him. If you are brave enough, pursue a prudently open method, such as (dependent on situation) trying to be around him more, asking him for help, touching him, up even to asking him out (again, depending on situation and how brave/assertive you are). More roundabout methods might be passively looking at him, smiling around him (not necessarily at him...he might wet his pants), and doing small things for him. In whatever you do, ensure you do this: you differentiate how you treat him from other guys. If you do not treat him singularly, he will not view your "affections" as particular to him, and, thus, he will think you treat every guy the same. 3
hrtblds2ez Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Make it obvious that you like him. If you are brave enough, pursue a prudently open method, such as (dependent on situation) trying to be around him more, asking him for help, touching him, up even to asking him out (again, depending on situation and how brave/assertive you are). More roundabout methods might be passively looking at him, smiling around him (not necessarily at him...he might wet his pants), and doing small things for him. In whatever you do, ensure you do this: you differentiate how you treat him from other guys. If you do not treat him singularly, he will not view your "affections" as particular to him, and, thus, he will think you treat every guy the same. Agree with the above. I am shy around women and in general. But if one I like is talking with me I tend to ramble like a little kid. Or my hands sweat, or tap my foot real fast, oh yeah and blushing. But I seriously hope no one would really wet their pants haha!!
Salvatore85 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'm a very shy guy and all the females I've dated have approached me. Basically I get extremely nervous, fumble my words, look at the floor, my hands sweat. Honestly it sucks because I see a female I like and I'm far too terrified to do anything about it lol. I honestly wish I was one of those outgoing guys who walk right up and chat away but I'm not. So if he's acting funny, not looking you in the eyes, fumbling around with his fingers, basically anything but trying to flirt he most likely likes you. Extremely stupid I know but if it's a female I'm not interested in I can flirt for days but god forbid you put me in a room with a female I find attractive lol.
string of letters Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Or am I doomed to a life of Mahlimapinhatipai? Lend me your Malayalam dictionary, and maybe I can tell you. 1
InnocentMan Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 If you google the word 'Mahlimapinhatipai', you get one result....this thread.
Author AnyaNova Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 If you google the word 'Mahlimapinhatipai', you get one result....this thread. I probably spelled it wrong. Mamihlapinatapai - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
jba10582 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I don't know the answer to your question, but I love the word Mamihlapinatapai.... Have to figure out how to integrate the usage of that word normal life. Should just go up to someone random and say THAT! 1
ThomasD Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 . . . You may have to break the ice. You can ask for help or to borrow something. Don't ogle, but when your eyes to meet, look right into them and smile gently. Be subtle. He may have trouble picking up on hints, so don't give up if he doesn't get a clue the first time you approach (or the second and third, etc.) It may not be that he "doesn't get the clue", but rather that he doesn't know what to do with it. Give him a few more opportunities to make a move. And if he makes the wrong move, it's OK to point out the right move - gently, respectfully, and sincerely. Once you figure out something else in common, use it as a conversation topic. The more you guys talk, the more comfortable he should get. My wife and I wrote to each other for over 3 months before we even saw each other face-to-face. At the time it seemed clumsy and inconvenient (although it DID give me a chance to interact with a real live female girl person of the opposite sex, without actually being in her presence) but in retrospect it was a very good way for two rather quiet-and-shy people to get well acquainted at a personal level. We were already "in like" before we even met. Make it obvious that you like him. If you are brave enough, pursue a prudently open method, such as (dependent on situation) trying to be around him more, asking him for help, touching him, up even to asking him out (again, depending on situation and how brave/assertive you are). Agreed - but don't let your actions be so exaggerated, or out-of-character for you, that he thinks you are mocking him, or making fun of him, or acting interested just to win a bet, etc. These ideas may still occur to him and you'll have to convey your sincerity. My first girlfriend all but told me I should ask for a date. It took a few tries on her part, increasingly more obvious, but eventually I was convinced that she was sincere and I did it. I'm glad she did this and admire her for the understanding and persistence she showed. More roundabout methods might be passively looking at him, smiling around him (not necessarily at him...he might wet his pants), and doing small things for him. Be careful about being too friendly or clingy around him, or fabricating flimsy excuses to be near him. He may find that embarrassing and drive him further into shyness. In whatever you do, ensure you do this: you differentiate how you treat him from other guys. If you do not treat him singularly, he will not view your "affections" as particular to him, and, thus, he will think you treat every guy the same. Yes, eventually he DOES want to know that he is special to you - but until you get there, he may be more comfortable being treated "just like the rest of the guys". He was attracted to how warm and friendly I was when we met. My hubby said I put him at ease immediately and made him blush with pleasure when I complimented him. I drew him out slowly. It's about more than compliments. Life partners work to make each other the best person he/she can be. 1
mysunflower Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I guess you have to make the move first. Once you feel like the shy guy like you, find a chance to hold his hand, it'll send him the message.
2fargone Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I am shy, yet confident. All women I've been with came to me, not the other way around. The fact alone that I would be talking to you and keep talking to you or want to see you or be with you shows that I'm interested. 1
befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 My question is, for you shy guys who keep things close to the hip (even the older shy guys), how can we (shy women) tell that you like us like that? And moreso, what are ways that we could communicate, if we suspect that you like us like that, that we like you like that, very subtly, in ways that us shy women would actually be capable of, you know, doing? Or am I doomed to a life of Mahlimapinhatipai? Here are my thoughts. If you get along with someone then you start to spend time together. For the relationship to go to romance there has to be favorable circumstances: close in age, not already in another relationship, attracted to each other. If those things happen then it's natural.
2fargone Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Here are my thoughts. If you get along with someone then you start to spend time together. For the relationship to go to romance there has to be favorable circumstances: close in age, not already in another relationship, attracted to each other. If those things happen then it's natural. Lol at the close in age.... I never had a girl less than 14 years younger.
befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Lol at the close in age.... I never had a girl less than 14 years younger. That must have been rough in your teenage years. 1
2fargone Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 That must have been rough in your teenage years. Ye I knew I had that one coming.... I don't think age matter that much anymore after the youngest of both has passed let's say 26-28....
befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Ye I knew I had that one coming.... I don't think age matter that much anymore after the youngest of both has passed let's say 26-28.... Sorry. I agree. If you're happy then who can ask for more? But, I do think twice about dating older women when I think about them being 70 while I'm 50. Maybe I over think it. 1
Author AnyaNova Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Here are my thoughts. If you get along with someone then you start to spend time together. For the relationship to go to romance there has to be favorable circumstances: close in age, not already in another relationship, attracted to each other. If those things happen then it's natural. What do you do if you're too shy to approach him to see if you get along together, and you suspect he might be as well.
2fargone Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 What do you do if you're too shy to approach him to see if you get along together, and you suspect he might be as well. This is why online works for me. You won't see me at dating sites though. Talking to eachother through skype or something, starting it without a camera, somehow feels safe. Distance, but closeness... You can find out enough about a person while chatting to determine if there's anything worth exploring.... How I come across them, or they across me... I dunno, really by accident And this is the only way I like it. Not looking, yet something spontaneous arises...
Author AnyaNova Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 This is why online works for me. You won't see me at dating sites though. Talking to eachother through skype or something, starting it without a camera, somehow feels safe. Distance, but closeness... You can find out enough about a person while chatting to determine if there's anything worth exploring.... How I come across them, or they across me... I dunno, really by accident And this is the only way I like it. Not looking, yet something spontaneous arises... Okay, so say there was this totally and completely hypothetical guy in a totally and completely hypothetical class, that you're not sure 100 percent where he's at, but has seen some signs that he might be interested, and also possibly shy (through a flukey chance, we were able to talk a little bit one time since we were together on a staircase on our way out from class a little late), but have no idea, since we all sit in our little discipline groups, and mine is in the arts, and his is, well not, and we are too far across the room to just naturally chat, how to actually talk to him again? These stupid little discipline groups are like this huge wall of China, and to actually cross over-discipline would too clearly announce interest and be too risky...So how to even get to a place where we could talk online? Yup. It's official. I'm doomed to a life of Mamihlapinatipai or however the heck you spell it. :-p
2fargone Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Okay, so say there was this totally and completely hypothetical guy in a totally and completely hypothetical class, that you're not sure 100 percent where he's at, but has seen some signs that he might be interested, and also possibly shy (through a flukey chance, we were able to talk a little bit one time since we were together on a staircase on our way out from class a little late), but have no idea, since we all sit in our little discipline groups, and mine is in the arts, and his is, well not, and we are too far across the room to just naturally chat, how to actually talk to him again? These stupid little discipline groups are like this huge wall of China, and to actually cross over-discipline would too clearly announce interest and be too risky...So how to even get to a place where we could talk online? Yup. It's official. I'm doomed to a life of Mamihlapinatipai or however the heck you spell it. :-p Depending on what this class is about and how often it is, steer a conversation towards being able to compare notes or talk about it outside class, hence ask his email adress
befriendlyplease Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Okay, so say there was this totally and completely hypothetical guy in a totally and completely hypothetical class, that you're not sure 100 percent where he's at, but has seen some signs that he might be interested, and also possibly shy (through a flukey chance, we were able to talk a little bit one time since we were together on a staircase on our way out from class a little late), but have no idea, since we all sit in our little discipline groups, and mine is in the arts, and his is, well not, and we are too far across the room to just naturally chat, how to actually talk to him again? These stupid little discipline groups are like this huge wall of China, and to actually cross over-discipline would too clearly announce interest and be too risky...So how to even get to a place where we could talk online? Yup. It's official. I'm doomed to a life of Mamihlapinatipai or however the heck you spell it. :-p Sometimes I imagine I am already comfortable with a person and we are friends and then say what I would say to a friend in that moment. I don't know if that would work but it's helped me be more comfortable with myself in the past. Good luck.
Author AnyaNova Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Sometimes I imagine I am already comfortable with a person and we are friends and then say what I would say to a friend in that moment. I don't know if that would work but it's helped me be more comfortable with myself in the past. Good luck. You see, both your answer and the previous are assuming that I've gotten to where I can actually talk to the guy, and have figured out a way to pass the great wall of China/all of us surrounded by fellow students in our discipline, without being blatantly obvious. :-)
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