Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I recently started hanging out at pubs after being married for a long time. I dont have any friends to go with me, which makes it kinda tough because I've got no one to fall back on. I've met a few guy friends there, but they're not always at the pubs when I go. They're not real friends anyway. More like acquaintantces who say they want to hang out, but nothing ever comes of it. Anyway, even with my ability to sing very well doing karaoke, I still haven't has any conversations with any women except the barmaids who are heartbreakers and who only flirt for tips. I'd like to broaden my conversations away from the bar area, but it seems everybody knows each other except for me. People come in the pub in groups or in pairs and know other people they meet up with there, and I end up being the odd man out. Standing there watching everyone else in the bar engaging in conversation. What I'd like to know is, how do I break the barrier to meet a girl I'm attracted to if she's with a girlfriend, or a group of friends? I'm hoping that once I get in an actual band that it'll be different and that some women will actually come up to me initiating conversation because I'll be fronting a band. I think being in a band gets you more attention vs doing karaoke where I kinda just get lost in a crowd of 23 other singers. When doing karaoke I get applauded, but I'm starting to feel like some take offense to it because they see me as a ringer. I dont just do karaoke. I can really kick it. I've had a few people tell me they thought I was a professional singer. I dont want to be distained in the bar because I make others look bad. Thats not my intention. I give it my best in hopes of having women come up to me, but so far that hasn't happened. I'm thinking of giving up the karaoke thing because I dont seem to be getting the kind attention I thought I would from ladies in the bar. I think I've got a much better chance leading a band. Is that the case ladies? Are women more likely to come up to me as a singer in a band?
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Being the singer in the band doesn't make you more approachable. I was going to suggest joining the pub's dart or pool team. Also don't be afraid to just smile & say hi.
Kansas87 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'd just go with making eye contact and smiling. If she smiles back or doesn't flee, wait a minute and then go say hi. Or send over a drink (I always see this on TV but do people really do it???). If a girl you like sings karaoke that is a great opener. Go up and compliment her or ask her about her choice of song or something. I'm not sure being in a band will really help you. On the whole, most girls still like to be pursued, rather than doing the initiating (at least my friends all do).
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Being the singer in the band doesn't make you more approachable. I was going to suggest joining the pub's dart or pool team. Also don't be afraid to just smile & say hi. This one pub I want to doesnt have darts or a pool table, and the other pub does, but no one ever plays. People are more interested in singing and conversing. Its probably because the game area is in a separate room.
moveONorStay Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 If you are attracted to a girl physically, just pick the right moment and walk up and introduce yourself. She'll be flattered you had the balls to show your interest. Source: Has always worked for me 1
BlametheIrish Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Have ypu considered online dating? Getting together for a jam session with a nice woman? IMO bars arebt the place to find quality dating material. It's not like it never happens but it's just rare IMO. Being in a band will attract more women than Karaoke by far, but being in a band tends to.impress the younger crowd more unless you're someone famous. Have you ever approached women elsewhere? Like grocery store, coffee shop even music store. I was at guitar center buying ultra light strings for my old Epiphone the other day, a guy comes up and explains how often ultra light strings break etc etc. I explain to him I.rarely use a pick. Conversation was going towards a pick up, and I would have game hom my.number had I.been single. But I shut it down in a nice way so as to.not hurt his feelings. My.point to that long winded rant is branch out on where you look for women. Some of the best of us still love beer but arent to keen on the bar scene
Shaun-Dro Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I recently started hanging out at pubs after being married for a long time. I dont have any friends to go with me, which makes it kinda tough because I've got no one to fall back on. I've met a few guy friends there, but they're not always at the pubs when I go. They're not real friends anyway. More like acquaintantces who say they want to hang out, but nothing ever comes of it. Anyway, even with my ability to sing very well doing karaoke, I still haven't has any conversations with any women except the barmaids who are heartbreakers and who only flirt for tips. I'd like to broaden my conversations away from the bar area, but it seems everybody knows each other except for me. People come in the pub in groups or in pairs and know other people they meet up with there, and I end up being the odd man out. Standing there watching everyone else in the bar engaging in conversation. What I'd like to know is, how do I break the barrier to meet a girl I'm attracted to if she's with a girlfriend, or a group of friends? I'm hoping that once I get in an actual band that it'll be different and that some women will actually come up to me initiating conversation because I'll be fronting a band. I think being in a band gets you more attention vs doing karaoke where I kinda just get lost in a crowd of 23 other singers. When doing karaoke I get applauded, but I'm starting to feel like some take offense to it because they see me as a ringer. I dont just do karaoke. I can really kick it. I've had a few people tell me they thought I was a professional singer. I dont want to be distained in the bar because I make others look bad. Thats not my intention. I give it my best in hopes of having women come up to me, but so far that hasn't happened. I'm thinking of giving up the karaoke thing because I dont seem to be getting the kind attention I thought I would from ladies in the bar. I think I've got a much better chance leading a band. Is that the case ladies? Are women more likely to come up to me as a singer in a band? My best advice is to play the numbers game with women. Another piece of advice is to get to know the people who frequent the bar and eventually you'll get into a more comforting circle of meeting single women and won't be the odd man out anymore.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Have ypu considered online dating? Getting together for a jam session with a nice woman? IMO bars arebt the place to find quality dating material. It's not like it never happens but it's just rare IMO. Being in a band will attract more women than Karaoke by far, but being in a band tends to.impress the younger crowd more unless you're someone famous. Have you ever approached women elsewhere? Like grocery store, coffee shop even music store. I was at guitar center buying ultra light strings for my old Epiphone the other day, a guy comes up and explains how often ultra light strings break etc etc. I explain to him I.rarely use a pick. Conversation was going towards a pick up, and I would have game hom my.number had I.been single. But I shut it down in a nice way so as to.not hurt his feelings. My.point to that long winded rant is branch out on where you look for women. Some of the best of us still love beer but arent to keen on the bar scene Funny, I was at the Guitar Center shopping for a PA sytem. I could live in that place! lol Anyway, I know bars aren't ideal places to meet someone, but I just figured I'd have a much better chance if I could impress a woman with vocal talent vs some place like a store where they know nothing about any talent I have. I don't have any problem walking up to someone and saying hi, its just carrying on a meaningful conversation and getting down to a personal level where she feels confortable and avoiding awkward silences. Its also tough because I'm not as young as most of the people who hang in the clubs I've been to. I have this complex about how women in their twenties view me because Im in my 40's. I'm not looking for a long term relationship with a woman in her twenties. I'm just looking for short term fun. ;-) I'm just not sure how they're viewing me, as someone they think is attractive, or as their dad. I dont look old at all. I converse somewhat with younger girls, but I cant get a read on whether or not I'm someone they'd sleep with. Thats pretty much what stops me from initiating conversation with younger ladies I dont know. Edited November 21, 2013 by Vocals5
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 My best advice is to play the numbers game with women. Another piece of advice is to get to know the people who frequent the bar and eventually you'll get into a more comforting circle of meeting single women and won't be the odd man out anymore. What's ironic is I dont really like clubs, but I'm trying to train myself to like them because I dont want to waste the talent I have to sing. So far the people I've met were nice, but a little on the flaky side. They're merely acquaintantces that never go past hanging out on the bar.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 It probably sounds to some as if I'm trying to re-live my younger days. I suppose I am. Its just that I spent most of my adult life as a married man and I missed out experiencing different women and it bothers me, a lot.
Kate9292 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 It probably sounds to some as if I'm trying to re-live my younger days. I suppose I am. Its just that I spent most of my adult life as a married man and I missed out experiencing different women and it bothers me, a lot. Is there a big age difference between you and the girls you are going for? If yes, then I'm afraid you might have missed your time for it.
BlametheIrish Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Is there a big age difference between you and the girls you are going for? If yes, then I'm afraid you might have missed your time for it. If you're in 40's and trying to date women in their 20's I don't care how young you think you look, it's not that young. Most emotionally healthy 20 something year olds aren't interested in men your age (not to say none exist). And if they do it's because of wealth or status or daddy issues like you said. I'm sure more reasons exist none particularly good. I know this post is generalizing a younger crowd so take from it what you can. You can't relive your youth even if you do hook up with some 20 somethings. I suggest you live in the now as the past should be where it belongs, behind you. But if you insist on giving it a good go I suggest 1. Owning a nice expensive vehicle 2. Making a very impressive income 3. Keeping up with the 20 something scene like music and such 4. Getting used to talking to flaky money grubbers Again the type of 20something girl interested in a man your age wants you for your assets and I don't mean a winning smile. If you're cool with being some version of a sugar daddy or dating an emotionally unstable women then dip on into that dating pool. Im sure you'll get laid. But I'm guessing its not the way to make you feel better about how you lived your 20's.
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) If you're in 40's and trying to date women in their 20's I don't care how young you think you look, it's not that young. Most emotionally healthy 20 something year olds aren't interested in men your age (not to say none exist). And if they do it's because of wealth or status or daddy issues like you said. I'm sure more reasons exist none particularly good. I know this post is generalizing a younger crowd so take from it what you can. You can't relive your youth even if you do hook up with some 20 somethings. I suggest you live in the now as the past should be where it belongs, behind you. But if you insist on giving it a good go I suggest 1. Owning a nice expensive vehicle 2. Making a very impressive income 3. Keeping up with the 20 something scene like music and such 4. Getting used to talking to flaky money grubbers Again the type of 20something girl interested in a man your age wants you for your assets and I don't mean a winning smile. If you're cool with being some version of a sugar daddy or dating an emotionally unstable women then dip on into that dating pool. Im sure you'll get laid. But I'm guessing its not the way to make you feel better about how you lived your 20's. The emotionally unstable category huh? Hmmm...........lol............jk Unfortunately I'm too broke to be anyones sugar daddy. I'm not that broke though. I'm not rich, but I'm not poor either. Age doesnt matter to me as long as she's cute and has a sweet personality. If I could find a lady that looks like you at any age I'd be all set! I've wanted a brunette with your looks my whole life, but ended up marrying a bubbleheaded blonde. Go figure. You don't happen to have a late 30-ish single sister that looks like you, do you? lol Your boyfriend is VERY lucky guy. Remind him of that ever day! Thanks for the advice. I know I can't live in the past and I'm not going to try, which is why I got divorced and joined a band. Something I should've done 15 years ago. Right now I'm looking forward to the possibilities the future holds. Edited November 21, 2013 by Vocals5
Author Johnson1 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 I don't know about this singing part. I have sang karaoke also and I sing relatively well and the girls have given me attention for this always, maybe cause of my age/appearance dunno but I am still the one who has to go talking to them. You could always try facebook to meet girls though.. Thanks Dave. Yea, Facebook is tough though. Women usually don't accept friends requests from guys they don't know. I read somewhere how leary people are of each other on FB, which seems to be a common problem with all online sites.
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