Author ILoveVegas Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Thanks everyone! Here is her whole message. "Happy thanksgiving day!! How are you? We havent talk for so long. Hows your work? Update me :)" In my mind why the hell do I need to update you with my job and whatever what I am doing 1
BC1980 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Thanks everyone! Here is her whole message. "Happy thanksgiving day!! How are you? We havent talk for so long. Hows your work? Update me :)" In my mind why the hell do I need to update you with my job and whatever what I am doing It's difficult not to respond to those types of texts because they seem so harmless on the surface. I temember getting those types of messages and responding only to get hurt. I felt that I was being mean by ignoring, but the truth is that you need NC to grieve and clear your mind. She needs to release you in all aspects at this point. That is what a breakup is. It's very detrimental to engage in that type is pseudo relationship. 3
Author ILoveVegas Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 (edited) I know its very hard when they start texting this things. Few days ago I wanted to contact her.. But once you realize that its just pointless to respond to a kind of message like that it just doesn't make sense to respond.. We are not friends, She told me she wanted to be by her own.. You have your issues then why do you want me to update you? She loss that privileged already.. I walked away with my dignity when she wanted to be alone. She didn't hear anything from me.. It's difficult not to respond to those types of texts because they seem so harmless on the surface. I temember getting those types of messages and responding only to get hurt. I felt that I was being mean by ignoring, but the truth is that you need NC to grieve and clear your mind. She needs to release you in all aspects at this point. That is what a breakup is. It's very detrimental to engage in that type is pseudo relationship. Edited November 29, 2013 by ILoveVegas 1
BC1980 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 You are doing the right thing. I engaged in texting with my ex for months until I finally woke up. I was like, this is a fake text relationship. It just delayed my recovery, and I ended up letting him ease out of the relationship. 3
deponie12 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 I agree with total NC- In fact, I read somewhere that if you are reading texts from the Ex- that is STILL contact ( not on your part, but theirs) SO my advice to all of you, BLOCK the number from texts! It has been a life saver for me- I will never get another text from his # again, and he can't call my cell either. BLOCK........ BLOCK......... AND BLOCK! 1
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Ex's don't respond to words, they respond to no contact and the minute you give them contact it feeds their ego enough for a couple days of ignoring you again until they are running low and need more fuel for their ego and guilt. It is NEVER because they want you back. Remember that. Only respond to change, nothing less. 2
BC1980 Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Ex's don't respond to words, they respond to no contact and the minute you give them contact it feeds their ego enough for a couple days of ignoring you again until they are running low and need more fuel for their ego and guilt. It is NEVER because they want you back. Remember that. Only respond to change, nothing less. This is true. I would ignore my ex and, like clockwork, I would get a text about something useless. It was always on cue, but it was just him fishing. He didn't like that I was ignoring him. Of course, I was the one who suffered in the end because I kept responding. I finally went NC because I was so fed up with it. It was a useless relationship at that point and added nothing to my life. 1
Author ILoveVegas Posted November 29, 2013 Author Posted November 29, 2013 Guys why do i feel so bad ignoring the message.. like sometimes I think I'm a bad person?? Is this normal?
BlessYourCottonSocks Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 Guys why do i feel so bad ignoring the message.. like sometimes I think I'm a bad person?? Is this normal? It's normal. Because you still love her. Keep reminding yourself why you are ignoring her. I live with my ex right now. It's tough because I can't exactly ignore him, but I am rather distant and cold. He asks me why I am acting like this and keeps trying to make conversation. This is how dumpers are...they feel guilty and what to make you feel guilty enough to engage in their pity conversations only so they can feel better that they left you. Don't give them that. Like I said before, I realized in life you can't always get what you want, same thing goes for dumpers. 1
Author ILoveVegas Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 I guess I just have to live with it.. Its so weird though why she wanted me to update her?? I was like huh??? Hello??? We broke up. It's normal. Because you still love her. Keep reminding yourself why you are ignoring her. I live with my ex right now. It's tough because I can't exactly ignore him, but I am rather distant and cold. He asks me why I am acting like this and keeps trying to make conversation. This is how dumpers are...they feel guilty and what to make you feel guilty enough to engage in their pity conversations only so they can feel better that they left you. Don't give them that. Like I said before, I realized in life you can't always get what you want, same thing goes for dumpers.
BC1980 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Guys why do i feel so bad ignoring the message.. like sometimes I think I'm a bad person?? Is this normal? It's very normal to feel bad about not responding. In fact, it's normal for the dumper to feel bad about not asking for an update. They feel guilt and grief as well. The problem is that the dumper doesn't want a relationship with you. They want to dip in and out of your life when it's convenient for them. They will get an update; then, off the go again. I honestly think most dumpers don't even realize their true motives for doing things. It's just natural for them to want to communicate with you. It doesn't make them bad, malicious people. They are just dealing with the breakup as well. When you respond, you dig yourself into a deeper hole because you are signaling to the dumper that you are perfectly fine with a "friendship." Basically, you are agreeing to the new terms of the relationship, so they assume you are okay with the setup. After all, you know you aren't a couple anymore, so why would you think that just because they want an update, they want to get back together? That is what is going on through their mind. You must be okay with the breakup, so you can be friends now. Right? Wrong. The truth is that everyone needs NC to grieve the relationship. You can't properly go through all the of emotions of grief with your ex. Maintaining contact leads to hurt feelings, confusion, and delayed healing to name a few. I lived through LC with my ex. My ex was not a bad person, and I truly don't believe he understood what he was doing by keeping in contact with me. Breakups are so shytty, but I wish I had understood the point of NC in the beginning. It's really your only choice. 1
BC1980 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I guess I just have to live with it.. Its so weird though why she wanted me to update her?? I was like huh??? Hello??? We broke up. I think it's totally normal for dumpers to want an update, especially if, in their minds, it wasn't a bad breakup. My ex termed our breakup "not bad" because we didn't fight, and there was no cheating. So he thought we could just maintain a friendship. My ex sent birthday cards to my parents after we broke up. He just acted like everything was okay. He wants to be the good guy. If we never talk again, he wants that on my shoulders. I was the one who asked for NC. That way, he can say he offered me friendship, and I didn't take it. See how that works well for him? In reality, he just doesn't get it. You go your separate ways after a breakup, and there is no middle ground. Another aspect to consider is that the dumper has lost their best friend and source of companionship. A lot of people still want to hold onto that even though it's not reasonable and causes much harm to the dumpee. 1
Author ILoveVegas Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Very good point of view.. Makes me feel better. It's very normal to feel bad about not responding. In fact, it's normal for the dumper to feel bad about not asking for an update. They feel guilt and grief as well. The problem is that the dumper doesn't want a relationship with you. They want to dip in and out of your life when it's convenient for them. They will get an update; then, off the go again. I honestly think most dumpers don't even realize their true motives for doing things. It's just natural for them to want to communicate with you. It doesn't make them bad, malicious people. They are just dealing with the breakup as well. When you respond, you dig yourself into a deeper hole because you are signaling to the dumper that you are perfectly fine with a "friendship." Basically, you are agreeing to the new terms of the relationship, so they assume you are okay with the setup. After all, you know you aren't a couple anymore, so why would you think that just because they want an update, they want to get back together? That is what is going on through their mind. You must be okay with the breakup, so you can be friends now. Right? Wrong. The truth is that everyone needs NC to grieve the relationship. You can't properly go through all the of emotions of grief with your ex. Maintaining contact leads to hurt feelings, confusion, and delayed healing to name a few. I lived through LC with my ex. My ex was not a bad person, and I truly don't believe he understood what he was doing by keeping in contact with me. Breakups are so shytty, but I wish I had understood the point of NC in the beginning. It's really your only choice.
Author ILoveVegas Posted December 1, 2013 Author Posted December 1, 2013 Hey guys a little update to the thread. I woke up this morning with a text from her again. "Why are you ignoring me? Are you mad at me?" I am not gonna respond right now but a little feedback would be great. Funny how tables are turned for only 1 month 1/2
chris21422 Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 That's awesome man. keep ignoring her till you hear I WANT YOU BACK but it might be hard for her to do that. She should put her big girl pants on.
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