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Why is it so hard to let go, despite knowing they're never coming back?

burrito

By burrito
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

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My ex got into something serious THE DAY WE ENDED IT. Seriously. Must be nice to be able to turn your feelings off to someone you spent 2 1/2 years with then turn them on for someone you just met. Blows my mind. Hurts my feelings. Makes my stomach turn. Makes my self-esteem take a nose dive.

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me85 Established Member

me85

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Posted
My ex got into something serious THE DAY WE ENDED IT. Seriously. Must be nice to be able to turn your feelings off to someone you spent 2 1/2 years with then turn them on for someone you just met. Blows my mind. Hurts my feelings. Makes my stomach turn. Makes my self-esteem take a nose dive.

 

 

I'm so very sorry.

 

Hugs to you! :o

 

He's not happy with her. He's masking his feelings. What a jerk! This will bite him in the end because what comes around goes around. Take comfort in that.

 

Let yourself feel all things you feel and come here to vent OFTEN because we care & are hear to listen & try to help you!;)

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Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

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I'm so very sorry.

 

Hugs to you! :o

 

He's not happy with her. He's masking his feelings. What a jerk! This will bite him in the end because what comes around goes around. Take comfort in that.

 

Let yourself feel all things you feel and come here to vent OFTEN because we care & are hear to listen & try to help you!;)

 

Thank you! It breaks my heart and I don't want it to. I know how he is though and he probably thinks he is happy. He just can't be alone. He went NC on the same day with me that he is using as their anniversary date on his FB page. lol I have to laugh because it's so juvenile but it still bugs me. She commented on a picture where a friend asked who he was, "he's my happily ever after". What?? You don't even know him lady!! I guarantee she doesn't know he was professing his loved to me that same day! WTF, man! I wish it were that easy for me. I obviously knew he would eventually move on with someone but already?! And I thought he loved me more than anyone ever had. And now he's over me. Just like that.

 

Sorry, I am having a horrible afternoon over this sh**! And I know I should not be looking at FB. I have since removed it but it's in my head now. Grrrrrr

Edited by Jules78
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burrito Member

burrito

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xUnknown,

 

Yeah, I have already hidden her from my newsfeed on Facebook. On the other hand, I'm still following her on Instagram, and she's still following me. I can't unfollow her, I'm afraid that one day I'll want to see what she's up to and she might set her account on private. It's a stupid excuse, but that's why I haven't unfollowed her. I've taken off my fb and instagram apps off my phone though. That way, I won't be on there all the time. I haven't been on either for a week. It helps me not focus on her.

 

I don't really care too much about what she's thinking or what she's doing. All I know is that she's forgotten me and is probably already with some guy. What really sucks is that after I made a video for her, a week later, she told me she needed time to think. After everything I've done, she leaves with no thought at all. Again, I'm trying to move on as quickly as she did.

 

Video, if you're interested. Speed Drawing: Stippling - YouTube

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burrito Member

burrito

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Jules78,

 

I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but do you think it's possible he probably had his eyes on that girl for a while before ya'll broke up? I could be wrong..

me85 Established Member

me85

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Thank you! It breaks my heart and I don't want it to. I know how he is though and he probably thinks he is happy. He just can't be alone. He went NC on the same day with me that he is using as their anniversary date on his FB page. lol I have to laugh because it's so juvenile but it still bugs me. She commented on a picture where a friend asked who he was, "he's my happily ever after". What?? You don't even know him lady!! I guarantee she doesn't know he was professing his loved to me that same day! WTF, man! I wish it were that easy for me. I obviously knew he would eventually move on with someone but already?! And I thought he loved me more than anyone ever had. And now he's over me. Just like that.

 

Sorry, I am having a horrible afternoon over this sh**! And I know I should not be looking at FB. I have since removed it but it's in my head now. Grrrrrr

 

What an a-hole! I'm so sorry, again! I know I do not know you but I'm certain you deserve better than this guy! I hope the moving on process is easy for you. I'm an idiot sulking over someone who said "goodbye" in a FB message before deleting & blocking me just so I couldn't see his activity with other girls...well mostly skanks from what I saw when I could see. LOL

 

He did me a favor though. & it doesn't really bother me like I thought it would. It did for like a day or 2. I should have beat him to the punch but you know, I'm like a grown up and **** so I tend to act like a grown up and ****. :D

 

Boy his this new girl your ex is with is in for a real treat, huh?!

 

Just keep laughing. IT HELPS.

me85 Established Member

me85

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Oh and um, EFF facebook.

 

That is all.

 

Take care then. Bye bye now.

 

:D

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Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

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Jules78,

 

I'm not trying to sound mean or anything, but do you think it's possible he probably had his eyes on that girl for a while before ya'll broke up? I could be wrong..

 

Who f'n knows. If he did though then that makes what he was saying to me and texting to me all the days before that really messed up.

  • Like 1
Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

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What an a-hole! I'm so sorry, again! I know I do not know you but I'm certain you deserve better than this guy! I hope the moving on process is easy for you. I'm an idiot sulking over someone who said "goodbye" in a FB message before deleting & blocking me just so I couldn't see his activity with other girls...well mostly skanks from what I saw when I could see. LOL

 

He did me a favor though. & it doesn't really bother me like I thought it would. It did for like a day or 2. I should have beat him to the punch but you know, I'm like a grown up and **** so I tend to act like a grown up and ****. :D

 

Boy his this new girl your ex is with is in for a real treat, huh?!

 

Just keep laughing. IT HELPS.

 

I do deserve better! But I am pissed! It sucks to go from feeling like you are the most special girl in the world to a piece of crap. I" want to be with you and only you". "I will always be waiting for you". "I would rather be alone than be without you". "I would rather die than be without you". Hi, you're not dead yet *********! Mofo couldn't even wait one day. Ugh! I'm an idiot and he is an immature needy cry baby!

 

But my heart still hurts. :mad:

 

And yeah, F*()^ you FB!!

reddragon588 Established Member

reddragon588

Posted
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xUnknown,

 

Yeah, I have already hidden her from my newsfeed on Facebook. On the other hand, I'm still following her on Instagram, and she's still following me. I can't unfollow her, I'm afraid that one day I'll want to see what she's up to and she might set her account on private. It's a stupid excuse, but that's why I haven't unfollowed her. I've taken off my fb and instagram apps off my phone though. That way, I won't be on there all the time. I haven't been on either for a week. It helps me not focus on her.

 

I don't really care too much about what she's thinking or what she's doing. All I know is that she's forgotten me and is probably already with some guy. What really sucks is that after I made a video for her, a week later, she told me she needed time to think. After everything I've done, she leaves with no thought at all. Again, I'm trying to move on as quickly as she did.

 

Video, if you're interested. Speed Drawing: Stippling - YouTube

 

If you want my opinion, you need to unfollow and defriend. Man was it tough for me to do but I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't. I honestly feel like I'm a couple days or so from finally having the final breakthrough, and it's because I can't see that stuff when I want to "check up".

  • Like 2
me85 Established Member

me85

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I do deserve better! But I am pissed! It sucks to go from feeling like you are the most special girl in the world to a piece of crap. I" want to be with you and only you". "I will always be waiting for you". "I would rather be alone than be without you". "I would rather die than be without you". Hi, you're not dead yet *********! Mofo couldn't even wait one day. Ugh! I'm an idiot and he is an immature needy cry baby!

 

But my heart still hurts. :mad:

 

And yeah, F*()^ you FB!!

 

 

Sing it sister! I HATE immature people! Where can we find some adults for a change?? Gone are the days when RSs were taken seriously, I guess.

 

You have every right to be pissed. Just remember that he will get what's coming to him don't think for a second he won't try to come back to you. HE WILL. At some point...they all do.

 

lol fb IS THE debil!!!!:mad:

 

YOU'RE NOT AN IDIOT. HE IS.

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xUnknown Established Member

xUnknown

Posted
Posted
xUnknown,

 

Yeah, I have already hidden her from my newsfeed on Facebook. On the other hand, I'm still following her on Instagram, and she's still following me. I can't unfollow her, I'm afraid that one day I'll want to see what she's up to and she might set her account on private. It's a stupid excuse, but that's why I haven't unfollowed her. I've taken off my fb and instagram apps off my phone though. That way, I won't be on there all the time. I haven't been on either for a week. It helps me not focus on her.

 

I don't really care too much about what she's thinking or what she's doing. All I know is that she's forgotten me and is probably already with some guy. What really sucks is that after I made a video for her, a week later, she told me she needed time to think. After everything I've done, she leaves with no thought at all. Again, I'm trying to move on as quickly as she did.

 

Video, if you're interested. Speed Drawing: Stippling - YouTube

 

Dude...

 

That is incredible. You're one hell of an artist. Did she see that video?

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. I feel like I'm over it, and I've accepted she's never returning. She said she no longer cares for me, doesn't want to talk to me again, and doesn't want to stay friends. By her telling me that, it has allowed me to accept reality a little better. But even though I know I'll never see or hear from her again, I still think of her everyday, every hour. Some days I'm completely fine, and others, I just feel so sad.

 

My question is why is it so hard to let go even though we know our ex is never coming back? Don't get me wrong, I'm not clinging to false hope or anything, but it just puzzles me. Why do we miss someone who clearly doesn't miss or care about us? Why do we care so much about what that person is doing or what he or she is thinking, knowing that they are not thinking about us and has moved on? I wish I could just not feel anything for her anymore and move on just as easily as she did.

 

If the question makes no sense whatsoever, sorry :/ I guess it's kind of a rhetorical question, but I just want some opinions. I have no one else to talk to, about the way I'm feeling, anyway. Thanks for any replies

 

 

You're not contemplating this correctly... it is soooooooooooo not about the individual that left you. This is about you, having felt yourself all along making an investment (of your emotions) in a way that you always knew was the very same way you always intended/believed-in.

 

You were taking emotional steps that all seemed very suitable while first building a seeming (emotional) nest egg and then being inspired/motivated by that building nest egg to keep investing...

 

Perhaps the part that feels weirdest is knowing that you want to do exactly the same sort of investing (in someone) just about as badly as you ever did.

 

The part that 'catches' so many people... is the mentality where, if, say, they first 'invested' in that seeming emotional stock at $100 per share, and then witnessed some good times, and then an eventual decline in price, to where it is now $40 per share... they just won't identify that $40 as perfectly GOOD emotional-money which they could turn around and invest elsewhere very soon!!

 

This is complicated greatly by the mentality that says: "the only way I can get 'even' on this investment is to just hold it and (pray a lot)".

 

One great thing about love and romance... it never matters how much emotional cash you have... all that matters is starting at one 'entry point'... and then becoming inspired to do everything you can to build your investment from that point forward!!

 

Get it?

 

Good!

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
You're not contemplating this correctly... it is soooooooooooo not about the individual that left you. This is about you, having felt yourself all along making an investment (of your emotions) in a way that you always knew was the very same way you always intended/believed-in.

 

You were taking emotional steps that all seemed very suitable while first building a seeming (emotional) nest egg and then being inspired/motivated by that building nest egg to keep investing...

 

Perhaps the part that feels weirdest is knowing that you want to do exactly the same sort of investing (in someone) just about as badly as you ever did.

 

The part that 'catches' so many people... is the mentality where, if, say, they first 'invested' in that seeming emotional stock at $100 per share, and then witnessed some good times, and then an eventual decline in price, to where it is now $40 per share... they just won't identify that $40 as perfectly GOOD emotional-money which they could turn around and invest elsewhere very soon!!

 

This is complicated greatly by the mentality that says: "the only way I can get 'even' on this investment is to just hold it and (pray a lot)".

 

One great thing about love and romance... it never matters how much emotional cash you have... all that matters is starting at one 'entry point'... and then becoming inspired to do everything you can to build your investment from that point forward!!

 

Get it?

 

Good!

 

It's a slap in the face. Like, how dare you negate my investment? It's also a fact that something becomes more valuable once it becomes unattainable. Human nature.

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burrito Member

burrito

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xUnknown, yes she saw it. She 'loved' it. A week later, "I need time to think."

 

SincereOnlineGuy, I understand. Thank you, I'm still working on moving on. The sadness isn't nearly as intense as it was last week, but it comes and goes.

 

BC1980, tell me about it. People want what they can't have, that's the saying right? The only issue I find with that is that I always 'wanted' her, but I suppose what I had to offer wasn't enough, which is no one's fault.

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Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

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Sing it sister! I HATE immature people! Where can we find some adults for a change?? Gone are the days when RSs were taken seriously, I guess.

 

You have every right to be pissed. Just remember that he will get what's coming to him don't think for a second he won't try to come back to you. HE WILL. At some point...they all do.

 

lol fb IS THE debil!!!!:mad:

 

YOU'RE NOT AN IDIOT. HE IS.

 

I have hope that there are mature adults out there. He and his new girlfriend (after two weeks, really?) are "in love" and will be together "happlily ever after"... yeah ok. Good luck with that. I think they are both lonely and need validation and good for them to find it in each other I guess. I don't want a man who can't handle the stress of a relationship when there are problems to work through. He runs to another woman. That's a deal breaker, sorry dude.

 

I hope he tries to come back so I can tell him to call someone who cares.

 

I just hope he doesn't call tomorrow because I am not ready to say that yet. lol

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me85 Established Member

me85

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I have hope that there are mature adults out there. He and his new girlfriend (after two weeks, really?) are "in love" and will be together "happlily ever after"... yeah ok. Good luck with that. I think they are both lonely and need validation and good for them to find it in each other I guess. I don't want a man who can't handle the stress of a relationship when there are problems to work through. He runs to another woman. That's a deal breaker, sorry dude.

 

I hope he tries to come back so I can tell him to call someone who cares.

 

I just hope he doesn't call tomorrow because I am not ready to say that yet. lol

 

 

LOL Same here.

 

My stupid ex POS has been a complete WASTE of my time. He's the same as yours. Can't handle stress of RS & thinks it's supposed to be all roses & cupcakes all the time.

 

I hope I get the chance to reject my ex too. I know I should not feel that way but I am in the "I want to rip his head off" stage today. :mad:

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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It did actually take me 7 months to accept my breakup and let go. That is supposed to be the last stage of grief thank goodness. It took me breaking NC last week to accept it. I don't advocate doing that, but it had that effect for me. Funny thing is that my ex hasn't completely let go and accepted it. He was the dumper. He was still talking about MAYBE trying again in the FUTURE. Yeah right.

 

I have been more calm with acceptance, but it's very sad. Still some moments of anger, but this have subsided too.

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me85 Established Member

me85

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Posted (edited)
It did actually take me 7 months to accept my breakup and let go. That is supposed to be the last stage of grief thank goodness. It took me breaking NC last week to accept it. I don't advocate doing that, but it had that effect for me. Funny thing is that my ex hasn't completely let go and accepted it. He was the dumper. He was still talking about MAYBE trying again in the FUTURE. Yeah right.

 

I have been more calm with acceptance, but it's very sad. Still some moments of anger, but this have subsided too.

 

I'm just angry because my ex is stringing me along because "he doesn't know what he feels or wants" UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Nearly 5 months of this ****. I am such an idiot. & it's MY FAULT I ALLOWED HIM TO DO THIS TO ME. This is NOT me. I became spineless somewhere along the way but never again. Why in the hell did I ever love this person to begin with?!! How could I be so foolish to think he was the one after all he's done to me?! I know he's talking to other girls and playing the field. I'd respect him if only he'd be straight forward with me about it.

 

I'm happy to feel anger at this point because all I've really been feeling is hurt from being rejected and blindsided and not thinking like my smart, rational self, I do have some insecurities but I KNOW I am a great girl and everyone tells me "honey he is so not worth it believe me we know what he's done to you he's no good" When EVERYONE you know (his friends too) says that about someone...come on! Time for me to wake the **** up now. I'm out of the "pitiful me" stage.

 

I'm so happy to be in the "**** him" stage at this point. I seriously need it to last & carry me through. I'm so emotionally damaged from my ex, I'm going to need a year of counseling.

 

Shame on those who torture us this way and disregard us as if we are nothing. I'll be so guarded for such a long time.

Edited by me85
organizedchaos Established Member

organizedchaos

Posted
Posted
It did actually take me 7 months to accept my breakup and let go. That is supposed to be the last stage of grief thank goodness. It took me breaking NC last week to accept it. I don't advocate doing that, but it had that effect for me. Funny thing is that my ex hasn't completely let go and accepted it. He was the dumper. He was still talking about MAYBE trying again in the FUTURE. Yeah right.

 

I have been more calm with acceptance, but it's very sad. Still some moments of anger, but this have subsided too.

 

It's been 4 months, I tried my best but I'm at the point of acceptance and hardcore NC. I'm not angry, just sad it's come to this.

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Jules78 Established Member

Jules78

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LOL Same here.

 

My stupid ex POS has been a complete WASTE of my time. He's the same as yours. Can't handle stress of RS & thinks it's supposed to be all roses & cupcakes all the time.

 

I hope I get the chance to reject my ex too. I know I should not feel that way but I am in the "I want to rip his head off" stage today. :mad:

 

I hope that day comes for you!

 

I'm all over the place. I laugh at his ridiculousness switching his feelings from one person to the next so quickly. He told his ex when he slept with her while we were on a break that he loved her, always had and always will (she sent me a screenshot of the text). He told me he didn't mean it. He said that he only said it to her because he thought he and I were done. Yet he spent two weeks with her as a couple. OK why am I just realizing how sad that is? lol He also said to her that it was God's will that they were back in each other's arms. Gag me! Now that he knows we are done he is off to the next and the happiest he has ever been. He also said he was so blessed to have met her. WTF? Seriously, what is the condition that describes him? Sociopath? Cry baby? Needy Nelly? lol

 

Sorry if I repeat things in my story that I already said. I can't keep up with what I said and where. :)

Edited by Jules78
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me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
I hope that day comes for you!

 

I'm all over the place. I laugh at his ridiculousness switching his feelings from one person to the next so quickly. He told his ex when he slept with her while we were on a break that he loved her, always had and always will (she sent me a screenshot of the text). He told me he didn't mean it. He said that he only said it to her because he thought he and I were done. Yet he spent two weeks with her as a couple. OK why am I just realizing how sad that is? lol He also said to her that it was God's will that they were back in each other's arms. Gag me! Now that he knows we are done he is off to the next and the happiest he has ever been. He also said he was so blessed to have met her. WTF? Seriously, what is the condition that describes him? Sociopath? Cry baby? Needy Nelly? lol

 

Sorry if I repeat things in my story that I already said. I can't keep up with what I said and where. :)

 

Same condition as my ex...SOCIOPATH.

 

Thank you. I hope that day comes for you as well! :D

 

And don't worry about repeating yourself on here. We ALL do! lol

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
I'm just angry because my ex is stringing me along because "he doesn't know what he feels or wants" UGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Nearly 5 months of this ****. I am such an idiot. & it's MY FAULT I ALLOWED HIM TO DO THIS TO ME. This is NOT me. I became spineless somewhere along the way but never again. Why in the hell did I ever love this person to begin with?!! How could I be so foolish to think he was the one after all he's done to me?! I know he's talking to other girls and playing the field. I'd respect him if only he'd be straight forward with me about it.

 

I'm happy to feel anger at this point because all I've really been feeling is hurt from being rejected and blindsided and not thinking like my smart, rational self, I do have some insecurities but I KNOW I am a great girl and everyone tells me "honey he is so not worth it believe me we know what he's done to you he's no good" When EVERYONE you know (his friends too) says that about someone...come on! Time for me to wake the **** up now. I'm out of the "pitiful me" stage.

 

I'm so happy to be in the "**** him" stage at this point. I seriously need it to last & carry me through. I'm so emotionally damaged from my ex, I'm going to need a year of counseling.

 

Shame on those who torture us this way and disregard us as if we are nothing. I'll be so guarded for such a long time.

 

The reason why it took me so long to find acceptance is because I allowed my ex to string me along. Only you can make yourself move forward. You can't depend in him to do that for you. Our exes are already not dependable when it comes to decision making.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted
I hope that day comes for you!

 

I'm all over the place. I laugh at his ridiculousness switching his feelings from one person to the next so quickly. He told his ex when he slept with her while we were on a break that he loved her, always had and always will (she sent me a screenshot of the text). He told me he didn't mean it. He said that he only said it to her because he thought he and I were done. Yet he spent two weeks with her as a couple. OK why am I just realizing how sad that is? lol He also said to her that it was God's will that they were back in each other's arms. Gag me! Now that he knows we are done he is off to the next and the happiest he has ever been. He also said he was so blessed to have met her. WTF? Seriously, what is the condition that describes him? Sociopath? Cry baby? Needy Nelly? lol

 

Sorry if I repeat things in my story that I already said. I can't keep up with what I said and where. :)

 

This one is definitely not a keeper:-) I'm sorry you are finding this out now. I feel your pain.

  • 2 weeks later...
RDawg Established Member

RDawg

Posted
Posted

@mariebauer: I hope you have your flame suit handy. Your advice runs contrary to our favourite theme of No Contact..

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