daizy Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'm so torn. It's been a month and couple weeks since me and my ex have split up, we dated for nearly four years (mostly smooth sailing), we're now 21. We finally broke up after I repeatedly brought up some issues to work out, we never did. He agreed on the break up and offered no solutions, so that was that. I sobbed, regretted it at first, but then worked really hard to move on and until now I was feeling fine. So finally and out of the blue he reached out to me and poured out his feelings, I then wrote him a letter a week later explaining that I needed space/time, and that I wasn't over our issues, and that I didn't have the energy to work it out right now. He then responded with the most passionate and romantic letter that I never even knew he could write. It was moving, he wrote all the stuff I've been wanting him to say in the beginning. He's a genuine/kind person and I think he finally "gets it", the only problem is.. the problems were there for so long that I slowly became less attracted to him physically over time, and slightly emotionally disconnected. I didn't really care for the sex, it was infrequent, we hardly saw each other, but we still care/love each other a lot. So basically i'm stuck between giving this another shot because our relationship probably deserves it, but I've also been enjoying this time alone to myself and my life not worrying about the relationship. Schools also been hectic. But i'm open to the possibility in the future. I just feel like that's selfish of me to ask, I don't want him to wait for me, but I'm also not ready. What are good ways to handle this?
Arty54 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 It's really weird how when you want things to be so right from day 1 and you feel it but the OP doesn't until it's almost too late and then leaves you questioning shall I or not continue with this RS. I suppose if your hearts not in it it isn't fair on the OP. I would suggest that you thank him for his v kind words and that you still need sometime to think things through before you're willing to commit. You probably already now your answer and if this is the case maybe you should just be totally honest and say it's just not right for you.
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Sometimes you are just done. If that's the case, don't go backwards. Sometimes it's just too little too late.
melell Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 It depends. Do you love him? I think that putting time between things to work out how you feel can really destroy things. But if you truly need time and space then I would think you shouldn't be with this person at all, and you are not in love with them. It really needs to be stay together and work hard at the relationship, or end it for good. Who knows, in a few years you might reconnect. Space/time etc can end up being emotional suicide, and it really can kill a lot of feelings for both people.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 What do you mean by not worrying about the relationship? You say you love him. Are you saying you love him but you love being alone more?
2fargone Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'm so torn. It's been a month and couple weeks since me and my ex have split up, we dated for nearly four years (mostly smooth sailing), we're now 21. We finally broke up after I repeatedly brought up some issues to work out, we never did. He agreed on the break up and offered no solutions, so that was that. I sobbed, regretted it at first, but then worked really hard to move on and until now I was feeling fine. So finally and out of the blue he reached out to me and poured out his feelings, I then wrote him a letter a week later explaining that I needed space/time, and that I wasn't over our issues, and that I didn't have the energy to work it out right now. He then responded with the most passionate and romantic letter that I never even knew he could write. It was moving, he wrote all the stuff I've been wanting him to say in the beginning. He's a genuine/kind person and I think he finally "gets it", the only problem is.. the problems were there for so long that I slowly became less attracted to him physically over time, and slightly emotionally disconnected. I didn't really care for the sex, it was infrequent, we hardly saw each other, but we still care/love each other a lot. So basically i'm stuck between giving this another shot because our relationship probably deserves it, but I've also been enjoying this time alone to myself and my life not worrying about the relationship. Schools also been hectic. But i'm open to the possibility in the future. I just feel like that's selfish of me to ask, I don't want him to wait for me, but I'm also not ready. What are good ways to handle this? Basicly this is what my ex said... Too bad she thought she needed to fill the time apart with someone else in it...
Mariposa10 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Please do not get back together if you're not 100% sure. Why prolong all this pain? I agree with one of the posts, sometimes you're just done...
TryingToFigureItOut Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Just because you are done now does not mean you won't reconnect in the future. If you love him now, you will love him in a year or two. Clearly it's not the time for you two right now, but that doesn't mean the door is closed for the future. Focus on you right now, possibly date others, figure out what you want, and who knows you may reconnect with him in a couple of years.
Author daizy Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 What do you mean by not worrying about the relationship? You say you love him. Are you saying you love him but you love being alone more? Yes, I suppose that's actually how I feel..
Author daizy Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Just because you are done now does not mean you won't reconnect in the future. If you love him now, you will love him in a year or two. Clearly it's not the time for you two right now, but that doesn't mean the door is closed for the future. Focus on you right now, possibly date others, figure out what you want, and who knows you may reconnect with him in a couple of years. That's how I see it too. Timing is really key and it's just not happening for me right now.
Author daizy Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 It depends. Do you love him? I think that putting time between things to work out how you feel can really destroy things. But if you truly need time and space then I would think you shouldn't be with this person at all, and you are not in love with them. It really needs to be stay together and work hard at the relationship, or end it for good. Who knows, in a few years you might reconnect. Space/time etc can end up being emotional suicide, and it really can kill a lot of feelings for both people. I agree with you. It wouldn't be fair to go on with the relationship with all these uncertainties I'm feeling. I feel like if I was so sure I was in love and wanted it to work, the answer would be obvious.
Author daizy Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 It's really weird how when you want things to be so right from day 1 and you feel it but the OP doesn't until it's almost too late and then leaves you questioning shall I or not continue with this RS. I suppose if your hearts not in it it isn't fair on the OP. I would suggest that you thank him for his v kind words and that you still need sometime to think things through before you're willing to commit. You probably already now your answer and if this is the case maybe you should just be totally honest and say it's just not right for you. Really weird. He tells me the time apart has been really hard on him and the month felt very long but for me it was the complete opposite. My energy was focused on my personal goals, I felt lighter not having to think about us. I spent so much of the relationship in doubt at the end which caused this emotional drift. As bad as I feel for him hurting, I was hurting for a long time before we broke up too.
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