Did i just fall for a serial cheater?

[MissBee]

i don't know if i am in love with being in a relationship, in love with beind loved/liked/appreciated, or if i am just in love.

I seriously don't know. As far as movies and books.... Do you know those heartbreaking romances? That was my type of thing. I don't know anymore

 

Checkout the site Baggage Reclaim. I think it may help you when reading those articles to identify yourself and your type and why that may be so.

 

I think lots of people are in love with being in love/liked/attention more than they are the actual person and when the situation is poor, it is more apparent that it cannot actually be reality that they're in love with at all but some kind of projected fantasy on to this situation/person.

[Snipercatt]

The reason you don't read much about "easy" relstionships is because when you're in a delightful and easy relationship you are enjoying it and not on the internet posting about it.

[MaryFrancine]

Yeah, you don't see easy relationships on forums. You see them all over social networking sites )))

 

Thank you all for your posts. They helped, even the mean ones.

 

The situation didn't change besides the fact that we talked about these things and i would want him to put some serious work into his issues, and he wants to just put them behind him and never talk about them.

 

I don't know what will be next. But again, thank you all.

[Oldspiceywolf]

Let's break you down a bit.

I got caught up in someone who wanted me to make them feel comfortable and safe but didn't want to do right by me relationship-wise.

 

I don't see you getting outta this with out some scars. This isn't your second relationship it's your first real relationship with someone experienced in manipulation. Your next relationship in 2-3 years from now will be fantastic because you will be a woman who knows what she wants and you will be familiar with the bull shnizz people throw at you. Right now you're a little girl in love with being in love, that's ok it's a phase you have to go through but your a late bloomer so it's happening at 26. It happened for me at 28.

 

You think this dude is out of your league not to mention you can see yourself being part of his family and you can't walk away from this yet. You mentioned that back in your hometown life wasn't easy for you, you weren't treated well at work and your family wasn't exactly supportive. I know you want to be loved and find belonging, you can and you don't have to accept what this dude is offering to get that.

 

Start making a list of what you want out of your life then start doing what it takes to cross those off. I don't think going home is an option for you. If this guy is going to cheat(have inappropriate contact with face bookers and exes), do whatever he wants, and use you and your finances to change his life and make himself feel good about life then maybe you should take a play from his playbook.

 

Let's get your life tight without throwing away the possibility of this being legit(we all know your not ready for that and we know you still have hope. He's on a pedestal in your mind, you can't completely commit to this not being real because maybe it is(it isn't but he says it is and you don't have enough experience to tell you there's another one of him on every block)). Get your savings back! Get a job and start saving just incase this doesn't work out, you need to be able to take care of yourself without having to run home. Next start working out and eating right, you might be already, I don't know but if your body isn't functioning right your mind won't function right either. Finally, get out and make a few friends other than his family. Do what you like, meet people have some support. Even if you do find this guy to be better than he has led on and you marry him what kind of life will you all have if he and and your kids are your life and not just a significant part of your life, you could end up feeling unfulfilled and possibly do risky things to bring excitement into it.

 

This is a nasty cycle, put yourself first, your life is a movie and your the star! If the movie started today and you are the lead character whose life was in the dumps(you said you love those romantic movies,) you can be that star. This isn't the turning pout in the movie, you still have no confidence and your aren't happy with where you are in life, this is the beginning where you figure out you've been a passenger in your own car, take the wheel and drive to a place where your happiness lives, don't settle for ok, there really is more out there for you if you dare to take it!