SarahJames Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm writing this just to get it off my chest, and best case scenario: someone can relate. I really don't want to get any scrutiny for how wrong this is, etc. as I'm well aware. I was involved with a MM, and NC has been in effect for less than 2 months. Some days it seems easier, but other days it just seems harder. Long story short: I have managed to snoop my way into some of his personal stuff. I found information he sent to a friend saying that feelings weren't supposed to arise between us. We did not say "I love you" to each other, and we started things just based on sex. Over time, however, the feelings were undeniable. We could just feel it, but we didn't speak of it. Sometimes we would just say, "we have let each other get too close". He said, to the friend, that we fell in love. I have avoided the conversation about feelings, and the whole time it has been on my mind whether he simply liked me, loved me, or was IN love with me. Reading him tell someone that we fell in love made me so happy. It made me happy to know that he felt the same way. It made me happy to know that it wasn't all in my head. The feelings were mutual. That feeling of elation didn't last long. It was soon followed by sadness. Sadness that nothing could ever come between us. I'm just hoping that one day we can cross paths again, and perhaps circumstances will be different. I'm hoping he came into my life for a reason, and he will come back for a reason, a positive reason.
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Your A is over, for a reason. Kill the hope you have, otherwise you'll never move on. It's been 2 months of NC and neither of you caved. Use what you saw to help let go and make peace with the A, good closure and now you know how he felt. But, do yourself a huge favour, don't get into the habit of snooping online (not sure if I want to know if you got into his email or private messages on fb) about him. It'll become a habit. Just don't go there anymore... Stay strong and let yourself heal. 1
Author SarahJames Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Upon finding out my ex-MM had genuine feelings for me, I felt very happy. However, given the option that circumstances were different, and we could be together, I'm not sure I'd be so thrilled. The fantasy of being with him officially, with his W out of the picture, seems great and all until I think about what that would mean for me. There would be a vacancy in the "OW" slot...I would never truly trust him, and I would always be suspicious of whether or not I was really making him happy. I'm hurt that I could never be with him due to circumstances, but if he was willing to get a D, I wouldn't be pleased either. It's all so crazy and makes no sense. I have hurt myself and the BS by ever getting involved with this MM, and for what?
yellowmaverick Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Upon finding out my ex-MM had genuine feelings for me, I felt very happy. However, given the option that circumstances were different, and we could be together, I'm not sure I'd be so thrilled. The fantasy of being with him officially, with his W out of the picture, seems great and all until I think about what that would mean for me. There would be a vacancy in the "OW" slot...I would never truly trust him, and I would always be suspicious of whether or not I was really making him happy. I'm hurt that I could never be with him due to circumstances, but if he was willing to get a D, I wouldn't be pleased either. It's all so crazy and makes no sense. I have hurt myself and the BS by ever getting involved with this MM, and for what? Bingo!!!! Yes, there would be a vacancy in the OW slot, because HE is the issue, not the person he is with. Run, bambi, run.......
Mascara Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Even if he never cheated on you.... I don't know, I don't think I could ever be with someone who had cheated. I don't really care what the reasons were. If I were to be on a date with someone, and I asked why his marriage ended - if he said "because I had an affair", I'd be gone. It's got nothing to do with fear of it happening to me. I just don't want to be with someone of that character. So yeah, I understand where you're coming from. I think very often OW are blinded by just wanting him. Then, sometimes, it hits - "I've ended up with someone who cheated on his last partner." 1
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Upon finding out my ex-MM had genuine feelings for me, I felt very happy. However, given the option that circumstances were different, and we could be together, I'm not sure I'd be so thrilled. The fantasy of being with him officially, with his W out of the picture, seems great and all until I think about what that would mean for me. There would be a vacancy in the "OW" slot...I would never truly trust him, and I would always be suspicious of whether or not I was really making him happy. I'm hurt that I could never be with him due to circumstances, but if he was willing to get a D, I wouldn't be pleased either. It's all so crazy and makes no sense. I have hurt myself and the BS by ever getting involved with this MM, and for what? Exactly, all for what. I hope you figure that out some day. Take care of you and fix things at home. I can't remember but did your husband know of your A?
leavethepieces Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Yeah, I have to say that I felt the same as you did. Then the day he left his wife I found myself angry at him!! I remember him saying to me, "I'm telling you that I'm getting a divorce and you're mad at me?" I came to the same conclusion that you did. I'd never be able to trust him and I don't think I would have ever been happy in that place. But it doesn't matter anyway because I'm still married and now he's divorced and doesn't seem to want me anyway. Although every so often, he'll send me an e-mail or call to see how I am. These men make no sense!!!
Recommended Posts