unbeknown Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 So I'll start with a little background. Met online. She's 21. I'm 23. First date we went to a local bar. Conversation was great. She seemed to be interested. She initiated linking arms when walking to the next bar etc. She seemed really nervous and was playing with her hair/fiddling with her necklace (don't know if that's a good or bad sign). We didn't kiss but she did text as soon as she got in to say thanks for a lovely time. Anyway went for a second date a week later to a gig on Monday just gone as I got free tickets through my job. Lots of touching there with her hand on my back and mine on hers when she was standing in front. When we got home (the gig was an hour away which I drove) she invited me in for a cup of tea (bare in mind it was 1am so she could have easily said goodnight in the car). I stayed for a bit chatting then when I went to leave she suggested doing something again and came up with a plan herself. I then went to kiss her. But that's when things went wrong. It wasn't like any first kiss I've had with anyone before. It was sort of just like 3-4 little pecks on the lips rather than a proper kiss. Anyway I left and text her the next day and she replied 8 hours later which is quite a long time considering for the past 2 weeks she has replied within half an hour every single time. I replied back and that was the last I heard from her. That was on Tuesday afternoon (it's now Wednesday night). I already know that I'm looking in to things too much and it's only been a day but it's just the shift in distance since I went for the kiss and I've been on plenty of dates to know when someone is interested or not. Even so, is there anyway I can salvage this before cutting contact? Anything I can say to her? I don't want to apologise for kissing her as I'm a man, but maybe stepping over the mark? Part of me wants to believe she is just nervous/shy and doesn't know how to respond to the situation (I'm probably kidding myself). Any advice much appreciated
Phantom888 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Often times the kiss is the way to determine "chemistry". You can both get along great, but if the kiss isn't right, the girl would give up and move on in the early stage of dating. My guess is that she didn't feel the sparks.
Uwaae Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 First of all, why are you worried about any of this? Its just one date, why should you apologize for anything really. If you feel like contacting her, you should. Contact her again and say "I'm going to [so & so] I'd love for you to join me" Dont act like a baby, or a little boy
Author unbeknown Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Often times the kiss is the way to determine "chemistry". You can both get along great, but if the kiss isn't right, the girl would give up and move on in the early stage of dating. My guess is that she didn't feel the sparks. Yeah that would have been my thought too but the fact it wasn't really a proper kiss I couldn't see how anyone could get any judgement for sparks or not based on that And thanks Uwaae for the reply. I wouldn't say I'm worried about it. I'd never apologize for escalating physical contact either but I feel if I didn't kiss her then she'd be texting me now. Yet the other part of me knows that if I didn't kiss I'd also be heading straight for the friend zone. Kinda stumped on what to text her :/ Thanks for any input
soccerrprp Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I then went to kiss her. But that's when things went wrong. It wasn't like any first kiss I've had with anyone before. It was sort of just like 3-4 little pecks on the lips rather than a proper kiss. Anything I can say to her? I don't want to apologise for kissing her as I'm a man, but maybe stepping over the mark? Part of me wants to believe she is just nervous/shy and doesn't know how to respond to the situation (I'm probably kidding myself). Any advice much appreciated She wasn't ready. She wasn't really that interested in you. If a woman is really into you, she'd give you a proper kiss. And, yeah, this I'm a man thing has its pitfalls. Some women have a little more self-respect and awareness of themselves and don't always fall for men moving in and being a man thing. You may have jumped the gun. You want to try to salvage this, so why wouldn't you apologize for moving in so soon? Apologizing is not manly?
Author unbeknown Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 I think you might be right. I've been on a lot of dates in the past and have always kissed on teh 1st date. The ones I didn't have never really worked out so I guess I've just got that driven in to me that I need to move fast. Often forget that everyone is different sometimes. So you're saying an apology wouldn't be the worst thing to do?
soccerrprp Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I think you might be right. I've been on a lot of dates in the past and have always kissed on teh 1st date. The ones I didn't have never really worked out so I guess I've just got that driven in to me that I need to move fast. Often forget that everyone is different sometimes. So you're saying an apology wouldn't be the worst thing to do? Yeah. A simple: "Hey, I'd like to apologize if I moved too quickly the other night. I really like you and would like to continue seeing you if you're interested." And then go from there. See how she responds. You don't lose anything from that, certainly not your manhood.
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Give me a break. Just because she didn't responded for 8 hours is no big deal. She could have been asleep for all you know. As for the day that hs now passed, you said she's 21. Is she in college? It's exam week you know. The new guy she met, no matter how cute, has to take a back seat to grades. The ability to communicate instantly should not be confused with the requirement that people be at each other's beck & call. Do not apologize for kissing her. She's a grown woman if she didn't want to kiss you, she would have moved back or turned her head. If you apologize, you will be a doormat not a man & no woman wants to date a doormat. Stop with the BS texting. Pick up the phone & call her. When you reach her -- not her VM -- ask her on a third date. If she doesn't return the phone call or says no, she doesn't want to date you; move on.
soccerrprp Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Do not apologize for kissing her. She's a grown woman if she didn't want to kiss you, she would have moved back or turned her head. If you apologize, you will be a doormat not a man & no woman wants to date a doormat. I agree that if it's been only a few hours not to panic. And when you apologize, which is fine, if you think it's warranted, do it in person. You're not being a doormat for apologizing for overstepping boundaries and making a mistake. Just do what I suggested earlier. Don't listen to this "doormat" rubbish.
Gottabestrong Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 What did you say in your last text? In the beginning I always let guys initiate conversation, which for me starts anew every day. So if your last text was something like: "I am off to see my friend, talk to you soon!" I would not reply and wait for you to initiate contact again the next day. Maybe she is doing the same?
Winherback Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Maybe she really likes you, has been hurt in the past and is going into her protection shell a bit. In that case, you have to make her feel comfortable and she will go hot and cold a bit, but your consistency calmness and reassurance will help w that. Or, she just got busy and its no big deal. Or, she is unsure after the kiss. And if that is all that sticks out to her then maybe she has some issues that dont concern you. All scenarios require you to relax and go w the flow. Be a man, be secure and know nothing is ever guaranteed in this life due to so many uncontrollable variables. So RELAX and be happy and positive before you sabotage anything on your own by making a mountain out of a molehill.
Phantom888 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 If you still want to be with her, give her a buzz. If she ignores you, then that's a sign of she is not interested at all. Just relax. Don't beat yourself up. If anything, she's not right for you, not the other way around.
start at the end Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 If you really think that the kiss was quite awkward, but you had made rough plans to hang out again..maybe just send a flirty/joking/non-creepy text saying you're looking forward to doing [insert plans here] and hope you get another chance at that awkward first kiss. I would find that sweet if I liked the guy.
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