desperategirl Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Hey all, Dated a guy a few times - five in total. Seemed like a nice guy, took an interest in my life. Last communication from him was five days ago, when he sent a message asking how an exam went. I replied, but never heard back. This is not the first time a guy has done this, but i think that after five dates, and a couple of sleepovers, someone should send a messga eof the 'thanks but no thanks' variety. I'm a little bummed, but not too burnt. Thing is, am kinda wanting to send a message. nothing heavy, just saying i think he should have been a gentleman and bowed out gracefully rather than just ignored me. Any thoughts?
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I wouldn't bother, no. He knows it's a sh*tty way of doing things but that isn't stopping him from doing it anyway. Keep your dignity intact and don't bother sending him any more messages. Having said that, have you actually texted him during those five days at all? I know technically you sent the last text, but I don't see why you didn't message him at some point during that time period asking how his day was going or whatever. You sound bothered enough to have made a thread about it so clearly you do care, if you've been holding back just because you felt he should be the initiator then that's a bit game-playing I think and he could equally think you're not bothered at all.
soccerrprp Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Did you sleep with him? What's the point really? He won't respond, he'll verbally crap on you or let you hear what you want and move on as he's probably already have. Try to move on.
colombiana28 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 same thing happened to me...5 dates, 2 cuddle-fest sleepovers, a couple sweet kisses. never actually stopped replying to my texts, just stopped initiating completely. would answer my lengthy texts with polite one or two-word answers. i got the message after 3-4 days of silence, cried my eyes out on the fifth day, then deleted his number and forgot about him. it's been about a month and i only think about him once or twice a week. god i liked him a lot...but these things happen. i don't see what good would come from calling him out. we obviously weren't a good match, so on i move to find the right one for me!
Author desperategirl Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 I wouldn't bother, no. He knows it's a sh*tty way of doing things but that isn't stopping him from doing it anyway. Keep your dignity intact and don't bother sending him any more messages. Having said that, have you actually texted him during those five days at all? I know technically you sent the last text, but I don't see why you didn't message him at some point during that time period asking how his day was going or whatever. You sound bothered enough to have made a thread about it so clearly you do care, if you've been holding back just because you felt he should be the initiator then that's a bit game-playing I think and he could equally think you're not bothered at all. Hi, I haven't messaged, no, but I guess that's cos I sent the last message, and didn't want to send two with no response? Is that game playing? Hmmm. I thought that if guys like you, they will pursue though?
Author desperategirl Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 same thing happened to me...5 dates, 2 cuddle-fest sleepovers, a couple sweet kisses. never actually stopped replying to my texts, just stopped initiating completely. would answer my lengthy texts with polite one or two-word answers. i got the message after 3-4 days of silence, cried my eyes out on the fifth day, then deleted his number and forgot about him. it's been about a month and i only think about him once or twice a week. god i liked him a lot...but these things happen. i don't see what good would come from calling him out. we obviously weren't a good match, so on i move to find the right one for me! Yeah, good advice. I'm just confused as to how somene can go from being interested in your life to just fading out. Weird!
Uwaae Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Well, if you dont act like you like the guy, why would the guy bother? Send him a Text if you want and stop waiting on him
Drewx2 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Yeah, good advice. I'm just confused as to how somene can go from being interested in your life to just fading out. Weird! It's called auto rejection & it's a coping mechanism. Basically If you don't show an interested person that you like them they're ego becomes crippled and they start ignoring or just go cold. For some reason I don't think auto rejection fits the OP's circumstance but it's always a possible explanation. Did you show enough sexual/romantic interests back? No guy wants to be friends with a women they find attractive.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 (edited) Hey all, Dated a guy a few times - five in total. Seemed like a nice guy, took an interest in my life. Last communication from him was five days ago, when he sent a message asking how an exam went. I replied, but never heard back. This is not the first time a guy has done this, but i think that after five dates, and a couple of sleepovers, someone should send a messga eof the 'thanks but no thanks' variety. I'm a little bummed, but not too burnt. Thing is, am kinda wanting to send a message. nothing heavy, just saying i think he should have been a gentleman and bowed out gracefully rather than just ignored me. Any thoughts? I agree that unless he like lost or damaged his phone or something weird like that, no reason why he couldn't hit you back. And even something happened to his phone if he was thinking about you he would find alternate ways of contact. It sucks but some guys are less than communicative when they are just not that into you. Some are emotionally unavailable and play Houdini when they see feelings are developing on their end, some are juggling multiple women at once and they go with another, others are on the rebound (they won't tell you) and then there ex comes back into the picture, others genuinely feel bad about telling you they are just not feeling it anymore so they take the coward route and just ignore you. This has happened to me a handful of times in my teens and early 20s but I just because more discerning now in my mid 20s and my bs meter is pretty sharp. I just go purely by actions now instead of words, I don't chase anymore, I don't go above and beyond to "prove" how "great" I am, and I don't get too excited until an official commitment is made and we've spent a decent amount of time as a solid couple. Men can very easily separate the emotional from the physical. Just because you have a great time also doesn't mean the person is suitable for a relationship. I also refrain from certain activities until I know someone isn't just looking for a FWB, especially if we met online. Furthermore, I do what is known as "mirroring" and that is to copy their exact behavior towards you, towards them. And interestingly enough, when you send the "nice" messages they get ignored but send them something nasty or angry and "suddenly" they reply. Don't even waste your time; it wasn't a serious relationship. Edited November 21, 2013 by nomadic_butterfly 1
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