Why Men Loves B*tches

November 20, 2013

I have started reading the book, Why Men Love B*tches, and my golly, I'd have to keep a written checklist in my wallet just to remember all that was said and to do it right to be considered a "bitch" (and to keep my boyfriend around). That sounds stressful to me.

There are all sorts of rules and standards, things you can't do, things you must do, and I find myself getting frustrated as I dig deeper into the chapters. There is valuable advice, don't get me wrong, but it got me thinking...By buying this book, reading it and following the advice given, we are still succumbing to men even if we follow the guidelines and become this worthy valuable woman. Men, in the end, still get what they want: a-non-nagging-self-serving-let's-you-do-what-you-want-without-initiating-the-talk type of woman.

It's easy to follow the rules, but am I still gonna be happy changing who I am to satisfy HIM? If I were to comply by the rules of this book, I'd go crazy checking things off the list to make sure "I make him happy".

So it goes like this:

1. He calls, it's 8:04 PM.

2. I put him on hold while I flip through the chapters of how to answer his question "Will you come over tonight?"

3. Finally find the answer and the books says "Don't go over after 8pm and not if he just hung out with his guy friends because then that would mean you put your life on hold for him and he won't respect you"

4. "Crap, I really wanted to come over", I think.

5. I take him off hold and muster the most convincing sweet voice and say, "Sorry honey, not tonight, I'm out with my girlfriend"

6. Sure, I won the most convincing lie of the night, but in the end the man doesn't really give a toot either way and I'm stuck thinking about how much fun we could have had...

What does this make of me? If I want to do something, why can't I?

In the end, I have concluded that men and women are JUST complete opposites. In fact, I think if there is such a book for women to read, then there should be a book for men like this, because let's face it, men are as clueless as much as we are.

I get it. The moral of the story is to be independent. But if I want to talk about things, why can't I? If I want to get upset at him for something, why can't I show it? Why does it have to be labeled as needy and dependent?

I'm just open to discussion really, I'd like to hear other opinions. I like the book and there are valid points, but um, who is gonna start the book for men to read? Because let's face it, some need more help than us just to avoid the nagging-you-better-not-go-out-with-your-friends-tonight kind of woman.

November 20, 2013

Generally, relevant to the title, men 'love' bitches if they're hot. When I look at friends who have 'bitch' wives, and there are a few who do, they still are, or were for many years, hot, and if that guy divorced her, ten others would be lining up to suffer some more. Men can be weird that way.

When I'm talking 'bitch', I don't mean women with strong boundaries and a direct demeanor, I mean abusive, both physically and emotionally/verbally. The kind of wife who'll whack her H with a frying pan and throws in a few epithets for good measure. For some men, that works. Why? Other than 'hot', it's usually a result of wearing down his self-esteem over many years. In the long term dynamics I've been exposed to, they didn't start out that way, rather evolved over time. IMO, the man plays a role in that, either directly because of his personality (he could be similar in demeanor), or passively because he allows it/enjoys it.

The way I see it now is that there's someone, potentially, for everyone, when it comes to partnerships/relationships. A lot of diversity.

November 20, 2013

I read the book cover to cover and applied the principles I learned in my own dating life. Needless to say, men were not falling at my feet as I had hoped. In fact, some things I did backfired, because I came off as totally 'aloof' and 'disinterested.' Some said that I had an 'air of entitlement' which was a huge turn off of course. In the end, I think it was my fault for not being able to finely juggle between being 'sincere and interest and great company' and being an 'independant bitch' who can always do better. I think I'll keep following some of the principles, because my results since reading the book have been drastically better than before. In fact, before, guys said i was needy and emotional, and nagging NEVER EVER worked. A lot of what the author said is true. Whenever I distance myself from the guy and don't react the way he expects, he comes pining after me.. There were a lot of times where I stopped contacting a guy, and he would start contacting me a lot when he didnt hear from me.. It's just as the author says.. when you show a "walk away" mentality, guys are definitely more intrigued. Those are a couple examples of principles that worked in practice. Also not sleeping with a guy immediately IS a must! Even my guy friends have texted me, "omg.. this girl I thought i was going to sleep with tonight did not spend the night after all.. i definitely want to get to know her more now.

November 20, 2013

Generally, relevant to the title, men 'love' bitches if they're hot. When I look at friends who have 'bitch' wives, and there are a few who do, they still are, or were for many years, hot, and if that guy divorced her, ten others would be lining up to suffer some more. Men can be weird that way.

When I'm talking 'bitch', I don't mean women with strong boundaries and a direct demeanor, I mean abusive, both physically and emotionally/verbally. The kind of wife who'll whack her H with a frying pan and throws in a few epithets for good measure. For some men, that works. Why? Other than 'hot', it's usually a result of wearing down his self-esteem over many years. In the long term dynamics I've been exposed to, they didn't start out that way, rather evolved over time. IMO, the man plays a role in that, either directly because of his personality (he could be similar in demeanor), or passively because he allows it/enjoys it.

The way I see it now is that there's someone, potentially, for everyone, when it comes to partnerships/relationships. A lot of diversity.

Sorry, for those who have never read the book, the title "bitch" isn't about a demeaning verbally abusive woman who treats her man like a slave, it is actually defined as a women with strong boundaries who is independent, puts herself first, confident and strong.

Misleading, I suppose...

November 20, 2013

There are millions of books for men to read, the problem:

like you they dont want to change
they think they are special and different
they dont believe the stuff actually works while everyone else benefits from the success of such books
ive come to realize people on this forum dont want to be happy

The book doesnt teach women how to be "bitches" I think its more sassy

November 20, 2013

Thanks Pink!

"Whenever I distance myself from the guy and don't react the way he expects, he comes pining after me.."

In long term relationships, do you think this works if the guy has began to take you for granted?

I think you are right, it's all about balance and I can see some of the advice given not working in certain situations.

It's important to be a mystery in the beginning, but it's also important to let your guard down and give a little. Don't always say No and don't become a prude.

I just am reading the book as I am currently in a relationship where the guy has taken me for granted...trying to understand how I can incorporate the advice into my love life.

November 20, 2013

There are millions of books for men to read, the problem:

like you they dont want to change
they think they are special and different
they dont believe the stuff actually works while everyone else benefits from the success of such books
ive come to realize people on this forum dont want to be happy

The book doesnt teach women how to be "bitches" I think its more sassy

lol. I hear ya. It's not that I "don't" want to change, it's that he needs to change too. I can't be the only one changing everything about me and still left unsatisfied. I don't think I'm special or different either, I just feel like this book is bowing to men.

ive come to realize people on this forum dont want to be happy

and this pertains to?

November 20, 2013

If a guy is going to make me play games and put on an act and be anything other than natural, he is not the guy for me. I'd rather be alone. Have not had that problem.

November 20, 2013

I had high hopes for this book, got a few chapters in and put it down. Advice like:

If you are too busy to do all the housework and you want and know you can afford a maid to come in once a week, but your husband considers that lazy and doesn't want to waste the money, then when you go grocery shopping withdraw an extra 50 and have a cleaner come while your husband is at work. Your house will be clean and he will be happy and be none the wiser.

And,

In Asian cultures the women appear submissive, that's because they have it all figured out. They let the man feel like he is in control when really they are in control and have complete control over finances.

I stopped reading after advice like this. The total is completely misleading. I saw the phenomenon of men who stayed with bitchy girls so I bought the book hoping it would explain this but it didn't. Instead it makes it seem like women should be the complete opposite of a bitch basically a quiet doormat. To me, I would have to love a man an awful lot to be willing to go to the lengths to do any of the suggestions in the book. While reading it I almost felt like it was setting women back. Meh Ill look into other books for relationship advice.

November 20, 2013

Thanks Pink!

"Whenever I distance myself from the guy and don't react the way he expects, he comes pining after me.."

In long term relationships, do you think this works if the guy has began to take you for granted?

I think you are right, it's all about balance and I can see some of the advice given not working in certain situations.

It's important to be a mystery in the beginning, but it's also important to let your guard down and give a little. Don't always say No and don't become a prude.

I just am reading the book as I am currently in a relationship where the guy has taken me for granted...trying to understand how I can incorporate the advice into my love life.

Regarding long-term relationships - there was a time where I dated a guy for over 2 years (this was prior to me discovering this book), and as I said, I used to be really immature, emotional, needy.. One time, my boyfriend said something really mean to me (ie: attacked my personality). Instead of my usual 'crying' or yelling or saying 'why dont you break up with me then if you hate my personality so much?' I simply left his house. I did not say a single word. I think he was shocked that I had walked away. I didn't contact him, and when he called me that night, I didnt pick up. He continued contacting me until I finally caved in.... There was another time when a guy I had dated for a while was torn between choosing his ex and me.. I went away for a trip with my friends, and I was on the phone with him while I was in a hotel room with a bunch of friends (snowboarding trip), I said I had to go because I was busy hanging out with friends.. he immediately texted me after i hung up, saying "feels like we're losing each other." That line may not seem like much but it's an example of how a guy who was about to choose another girl over me was feeling like he was losing me because i gave off this appearance that i was busy and had a life.. and that other guys may snatch me up..

So yeah, I definitely think "distance combined with the appeance of self-control" can make a guy worry that he might lose you. If you want help while actually in a relationship rather than just in dating stage, i highly recommend her second book, "Why Men Marry Bitches." Lots of good stuff in that book as well to keep a guy from taking you for granted!

November 20, 2013

If a guy is going to make me play games and put on an act and be anything other than natural, he is not the guy for me. I'd rather be alone. Have not had that problem.

You took the words out of my mouth.

If you have to put on an act or follow steps to keep a guy's interest, then he isn't worth it anyway.

Look for someone who:

- likes you the way you are

- wants the same things you want out of a relationship

Then you don't have to play the games. There's no winning in trying to trick or force someone to love you.

November 20, 2013

I just feel like this book is bowing to men.

This is going to sound sexist, but it should be. Its not your job to lead, take control of a relationship. Deep down you wont respect a guy you can walk over, let your emotions control, etc.

All these people that don't want to play "the games" are going to end up being alone as they wish. Self fulfilling prophecy. These games have been around since the beginning of time of man and woman. Learn to play, understand (which you are by reading the book) and be successful

November 20, 2013

Pretty much all men become complacent and take you for granted in LTR's. I dont think there is one of this planet that doesnt. Once they have that steady stream of sex and know their woman is attached, and at least 6 months has passed, it is bound to happen. If there is a book that prevents this from happening that person would be extremely rich.

YOU ARE SOOO RIGHT!! UGH!!! Got in advice when it happens though? lol

Bigcitydreamer:

Gosh, I completely agree with you!!! That's exactly how I feel about this book and you put it perfect: "Quiet doormats" So spot on.

November 20, 2013

I read that book & many others like it: The Rules, He's Just Not That Into You, It's called a Break Up 'Cause it's Broken, etc.

At their core, all of these pop psychology books have one fundamental principle: have some self esteem. As long as you own your behavior it's all fine. If you want to go to his house at 2:00 a.m. for a booty call, GO. Just don't whine later that he used you for sex. If you are genuinely busy, great! Do what you are doing & live your life. Don't rearrange your schedule & ditch your friends just because some guy called & then cry that he always calls at the last minute. You trained him to do that by always being available on his terms. It's not about playing games. It's about being your own person not trying to live your life just to please someone else.

November 20, 2013

All these people that don't want to play "the games" are going to end up being alone as they wish. Self fulfilling prophecy. These games have been around since the beginning of time of man and woman. Learn to play, understand (which you are by reading the book) and be successful

I'm curious how many people saying not to play games are married or in relationships vs. how many people who say "learn to play the games".

and to the single women posting on the dating forum about be yourself and find someone to accept you for you... hows that working out for you now?

It will! Sometimes there are lots of setbacks on the way to success, and the biggest mistake they can make is to play these kind of games and get tangled up in relationships that aren't really what they want but they can't seem to get out of.

November 20, 2013

Speaking to the strategies forwarded here regarding the book, those can work with one subset of males who respond to that kind of stimulation. What remains is whether, or not, those males are compatible in the overall sense. IOW, while certain personality traits may be stimulated by, for example, 'distancing', it should be determined whether or not that man's psychology, as someone who responds predictably, evidently by pursuing or becoming more intrigued, is compatible for a LTR. IME, personality traits run in groups and within each group there are 'good' and 'not so good' combinations.

Having been married, I personally don't see the need for strategies and the like, especially after having gone through MC. However, since there are billions of relationships out there, and each one is different, I guess there are some which the book can speak to in an effective way.

November 20, 2013

This is going to sound sexist, but it should be. Its not your job to lead, take control of a relationship. Deep down you wont respect a guy you can walk over, let your emotions control, etc.

All these people that don't want to play "the games" are going to end up being alone as they wish. Self fulfilling prophecy. These games have been around since the beginning of time of man and woman. Learn to play, understand (which you are by reading the book) and be successful

I definitely agree with you. For those who say we should be 'ourselves' and say the things we want rather than following the rules of some book - why are people on this site? People are on this site seeking the advice of others because they know that if they do what they usually do, they'll just end up feeling lonely and rejected again. They need someone to tell them NOT to do what they want to do (ie: should I call that guy to find out why he's not answering my last 3 texts?), and fortunately, we have this site to tell us a resounding NO, stop acting needy and desperate! Move on with your life! There are other guys out there!, etc. In the end, it's just a book and it may not have the answers to all your problems, but it does give you some insight into what general things both sexes do that may push the other away and what things generally reels someone in.

November 20, 2013

This is going to sound sexist, but it should be. Its not your job to lead, take control of a relationship. Deep down you wont respect a guy you can walk over, let your emotions control, etc.

All these people that don't want to play "the games" are going to end up being alone as they wish. Self fulfilling prophecy. These games have been around since the beginning of time of man and woman. Learn to play, understand (which you are by reading the book) and be successful

I don't want to lead or take control at all, but by the basis of this book it looks like that is what they are teaching women. They want you to take control in a quiet way.

I'm presuming you are a man, correct?

If that is the case, please share with me these games a woman must endure to keep her man around....tickle me pink.

November 20, 2013

This thread gave me a pretty big smile. It's interesting to read, because it feels like you are allowing yourself to feel stressed and experience things in rulebook fashion, rather, than allowing yourself to feel happy and live in your own ways. Your inherent intuition shows, and, will become more fine-tuned to act in ways that you feel are appropriate and bring value to you…and if this book helps to bring that part out in you, I hope it works in ways where you find YOUR happiness rather than to “make” someone else happy.

November 20, 2013

AMEN SISTER!! You are so right.

I read that book & many others like it: The Rules, He's Just Not That Into You, It's called a Break Up 'Cause it's Broken, etc.

At their core, all of these pop psychology books have one fundamental principle: have some self esteem. As long as you own your behavior it's all fine. If you want to go to his house at 2:00 a.m. for a booty call, GO. Just don't whine later that he used you for sex. If you are genuinely busy, great! Do what you are doing & live your life. Don't rearrange your schedule & ditch your friends just because some guy called & then cry that he always calls at the last minute. You trained him to do that by always being available on his terms. It's not about playing games. It's about being your own person not trying to live your life just to please someone else.

November 20, 2013

If a guy is going to make me play games and put on an act and be anything other than natural, he is not the guy for me. I'd rather be alone. Have not had that problem.

this is all there is to it...

November 20, 2013

I don't think I'm special or different either, I just feel like this book is bowing to men.

but its a girls own choice to read it and do what it says right?

You don't have to! If it works for you great, if it doesn't it doesn't!

November 20, 2013

Not all men are like you.

And this is exactly what makes the world go round...there is someone for every personality. It's just finding someone you are compatible with. And even then will it be hard frickin work.

November 20, 2013

I was on Amazon, curious to find this book.

Users also bought: 80 lbs of cat nip, jackrabbit vibrator, fifty shades of grey

November 20, 2013

I read that book & many others like it: The Rules, He's Just Not That Into You, It's called a Break Up 'Cause it's Broken, etc.

At their core, all of these pop psychology books have one fundamental principle: have some self esteem. As long as you own your behavior it's all fine. If you want to go to his house at 2:00 a.m. for a booty call, GO. Just don't whine later that he used you for sex. If you are genuinely busy, great! Do what you are doing & live your life. Don't rearrange your schedule & ditch your friends just because some guy called & then cry that he always calls at the last minute. You trained him to do that by always being available on his terms. It's not about playing games. It's about being your own person not trying to live your life just to please someone else.

I agree. These books don't really teach you to 'be submissive' or trying to warp yourself into someone else just to please a man. It is about picking yourself up, being confident, and in the book, "why men love bitches" particularly, the author teaches you how to come off as someone who will not tolerate bad behavior without actually verbalizing it.

Sign In

Why Men Loves B*tches

Recommended Posts

BlessYourCottonSocks

carhill

PinkCarnations

BlessYourCottonSocks

CptSaveAho

BlessYourCottonSocks

BlessYourCottonSocks

runningfar

Bigcitydreamer

PinkCarnations

pteromom

CptSaveAho

BlessYourCottonSocks

d0nnivain

pteromom

carhill

PinkCarnations

BlessYourCottonSocks

jba10582

BlessYourCottonSocks

RogerWallace111

Shepp

BlessYourCottonSocks

MrCastle

PinkCarnations

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...