Stay Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 So it's been about 6 months since I've had NC with my ex, she contacted me a few times but I ignored them. It was a 6 almost 7 year relationship and she emotionally cheated on me, talking to another guy and hiding it away, lying, etc. Yesterday it was inevitable that we were going to meet, I knew she was going to be there since it's a mutual friend's gathering. I was prepared to talk to her, it's been long enough and I'm ok with how things went now. Little did I know I was in for more than I bargained for, we just talked casually asked how things are going but for some reason after talking a bit she started to tear up, I'm not sure why but she told me she was gonna go home when she starting tearing up so I asked her to go outside to get some air. I don't hate her, in the beginning I did, I was very angry/mad/sad as anyone would be but after a while I didn't feel that hatred towards her anymore. She told me she miss me a few times and our goodbye hug she seemed to held on forever. That was the story, now what I feel is a huge rush of emotions and feelings. I don't know what it is or why so I'm trying to understand what is going on. I know if I missed her tremendously before and forgot her for a while that she has to miss me just as much. She hasn't been on my mind ever since the breakup and all the sudden this encounter has left her on my mind for the past half day. I told her she knows well what she did and that it's what she wanted and she understood and said she knows, this is the first time we've talked about this after I found out. I never really went into details but I think it's clear to her what she did. What is she feeling? Grass wasn't as green as she thought? I've been told by numerous girls that I'm a very rare type of guy and it's hard to come by people like me so I kinda have an idea what I'm capable of. Why do I feel like this and why does she feel how she felt? I just want to understand this rush of emotion and feelings. Responses from both girls and guys are appreciated!
Mario79 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Wow, I envy you. Looks like indeed she realizes your worth and company after taking off. So she broke up with you or the other way around? Its good people can see it in you what you are worth. I think its obvious that 7 year relationship would come back with emotions. Its been half a year so it hasn't really been that long, although depending how long it took you to get over it it may have felt like 6 years. She obviously cares. And now you can decide what comes next. Pretty cool.
Author Stay Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Wow, I envy you. Looks like indeed she realizes your worth and company after taking off. So she broke up with you or the other way around? Its good people can see it in you what you are worth. I think its obvious that 7 year relationship would come back with emotions. Its been half a year so it hasn't really been that long, although depending how long it took you to get over it it may have felt like 6 years. She obviously cares. And now you can decide what comes next. Pretty cool. She called it off with me which did hurt me a lot, more than I ever thought it could. I was desperate, did all the things I shouldn't have done, begged, etc. It was pathetic to be honest. I know she cares but what is she trying to get out of me? If she was seriously over me she wouldn't have said she miss me so many times, at least in my opinion. I can't help but feel like she wants me back in a way, not like that's gonna happen because the damage is too severe for me to even think like that. I know I'm sorta looking through a rose tinted glass right now after the encounter but I'm clear in what had happened. Just confused at where she's trying to get throughout that encounter. I caught her eyes glancing me up and down a few times so that was a bit odd, I've hit the gym hard ever since so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. I don't know if she saw me doing so well and cried because she messed up or cried because of what I'm going through.
Mario79 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Well I get the sense she wants you back. Probably wants to see if you are willing to do anything about it. I think.
organizedchaos Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 She called it off with me which did hurt me a lot, more than I ever thought it could. I was desperate, did all the things I shouldn't have done, begged, etc. It was pathetic to be honest. I know she cares but what is she trying to get out of me? If she was seriously over me she wouldn't have said she miss me so many times, at least in my opinion. I can't help but feel like she wants me back in a way, not like that's gonna happen because the damage is too severe for me to even think like that. I know I'm sorta looking through a rose tinted glass right now after the encounter but I'm clear in what had happened. Just confused at where she's trying to get throughout that encounter. I caught her eyes glancing me up and down a few times so that was a bit odd, I've hit the gym hard ever since so I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. I don't know if she saw me doing so well and cried because she messed up or cried because of what I'm going through. Ok, so I'm confused too. If what you say in the bolded part is true, why do you care what her intentions are? Move on like you have been, go about your life.
Author Stay Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Ok, so I'm confused too. If what you say in the bolded part is true, why do you care what her intentions are? Move on like you have been, go about your life. You're right but idk I just got a huge rush of emotion and feelings after the encounter. I have to admit I really do miss what we had but I have to be strong.
xUnknown Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 She probably said that she missed you because, yes, she misses you and I'm sure part of her wants you back. She said that to gauge how you were feeling, if throwing herself at you would be worth it only to get denied again. In all honesty, if I were her, that is what I would do...see how you are feeling about things, if you miss me thats great, "I'm so so sorry etc etc", but if you make no mention of it, then well, he never missed me either..I "tried". IMO, I feel like women do that when they want the guy back, vs the guys who will say it straight up, "I fcked up and want you back etc etc etc".
Author Stay Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 She probably said that she missed you because, yes, she misses you and I'm sure part of her wants you back. She said that to gauge how you were feeling, if throwing herself at you would be worth it only to get denied again. In all honesty, if I were her, that is what I would do...see how you are feeling about things, if you miss me thats great, "I'm so so sorry etc etc", but if you make no mention of it, then well, he never missed me either..I "tried". IMO, I feel like women do that when they want the guy back, vs the guys who will say it straight up, "I fcked up and want you back etc etc etc". I had a feeling she was beating around the bush as you can say with that stuff. If she said it once then it's whatever but she said it a few times and as much as I do miss her too I didn't say it back. She kept trying to get answers about my life and I just told her it's great, never going into details. I've known her for 7 years, and this could go for probably majority of girls, that if she didn't care and was over me she would care less in what I'm doing. She just had me by the strings at one point and now that she see my worth she's realizing what she had and like people say, people will want what they can't have. 1
rec88 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 If I had to put myself in her shoes, I'd be pretty nervous about talking to you. The things I regret most in my life are not so much the chances I didn't take, but the times I've hurt people, and it looks like she's having that realization. She's finally able to see and feel the breakup from your perspective. This induces shame, and all the mind loops that come with it. I'm sure she knew just like you did that you two would see each other that day. She probably tried to put herself in your shoes, and she can't imagine you being anything other than angry with her after what she did. That makes it really difficult for her to swallow her pride and spit out an apology. I say this because I've been on both sides before. DISCLAIMER: This is all under the assumption that she is emerging from her gigs or whatever. Sounds like it to me. Whether this is the case or not, she seems relieved to see you and she will probably get out what she wants to say sooner or later. I'm glad you don't feel bad towards her anymore. Just don't forget what you deserve and don't settle for less. 1
Author Stay Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 If I had to put myself in her shoes, I'd be pretty nervous about talking to you. The things I regret most in my life are not so much the chances I didn't take, but the times I've hurt people, and it looks like she's having that realization. She's finally able to see and feel the breakup from your perspective. This induces shame, and all the mind loops that come with it. I'm sure she knew just like you did that you two would see each other that day. She probably tried to put herself in your shoes, and she can't imagine you being anything other than angry with her after what she did. That makes it really difficult for her to swallow her pride and spit out an apology. I say this because I've been on both sides before. DISCLAIMER: This is all under the assumption that she is emerging from her gigs or whatever. Sounds like it to me. Whether this is the case or not, she seems relieved to see you and she will probably get out what she wants to say sooner or later. I'm glad you don't feel bad towards her anymore. Just don't forget what you deserve and don't settle for less. Thanks for this reply, I think you put words to exactly what I feel and think. I do think you're very on the dot with what she's feeling. I think that was the reason she was crying to see me doing so well. I was smiling just talking happily and it was genuine. I caught her looking at me a few times also, especially as I was taking my sweater off. I've done a dramatic change in the months I've been out of her life so I'm sure she notices it also because numerous other people noticed. Anyways I'm sure there's a lot of regrets and she did specifically asked if I hate her which I answered no. She just thought I hated her because I completely ignored her for the past months. I enjoyed the talk because the last time we talked it was based on a lot of hatred on my behalf. I just remember feeling a huge burning sensation in my chest and like my heart was just slowly being pulled apart. Worst feeling ever. I think with this encounter I got the upper hand, I never once said I miss her even though I do a lot. She said it a few times, I know it wasn't once or twice. She cried, asked me how's my life now and I told her it's great. Just enjoying my time and hanging out with people. Of course I had to return that question and asked her if she's where she wants to be in life. She cried and said no, started talking about her work life but I think there's more behind to that no than just that. Work is work, getting a promotion isn't easy but work doesn't gets a person emotional like that.. At least in my opinion. It was great until I had time alone and reflected on the encounter again, kinda is bringing me down a bit. I got a rush of feelings and thinking too much again, my head hurts and I'm just all over at the moment trying to make sense of all this. This girl was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and that's what I had in my mind, unfortunately things happen and she isn't who I thought she was. 1
icantthink Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 she obviously wants you back. but not enough to ask you point blank. She sure going to base her reactions on your actions so be careful man. I'm sure you miss her, but would you be able to forget what she did? She's cheated on you. 1
Author Stay Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 she obviously wants you back. but not enough to ask you point blank. She sure going to base her reactions on your actions so be careful man. I'm sure you miss her, but would you be able to forget what she did? She's cheated on you. I doubt that's gonna happen, I just can't put myself through that and get back with her. I'm just really disappointed it had to come to this. It's like you want something and miss something that's isn't good for you. You know it's not the best decision but you really still do miss it.
xUnknown Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Yep, she wants you back but as ICT mentioned, can't bring herself to say it. She was trying to feel out how you felt about her by saying "I miss you" so many times trying to get a reaction out of you. Can you trust her again with your life...with your heart...if the answer is no, then keep looking forward. Don't look back at her. She's in the past. If you can forgive her and trust her again, then maybe reach out - but - it doesn't sound like it, so keep pressing on my friend.
Author Stay Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Yep, she wants you back but as ICT mentioned, can't bring herself to say it. She was trying to feel out how you felt about her by saying "I miss you" so many times trying to get a reaction out of you. Can you trust her again with your life...with your heart...if the answer is no, then keep looking forward. Don't look back at her. She's in the past. If you can forgive her and trust her again, then maybe reach out - but - it doesn't sound like it, so keep pressing on my friend. I wanted to say it back also but it's best if I don't so I didn't because I really do miss her. I just feel like my feelings are all over the place, kinda like the feeling of why didn't you feel like this sooner so then we could mend things and straighten things out instead it's too little too late. I'm trying to just look ahead, we'll see how I feel as time passes, I know it'll get better but I just feel like it backtracked a bit. I also think a lot about, "Wow someone else is replacing me" doing all the things I use to do with her, spending quality time with her, etc. I know obviously he's not better than me or she wouldn't miss me like that, her GIGS and comparison didn't live up to her expectations I guess.
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