Arty54 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Not heard from you in what seems like ages so thought I would mail you. If you don't want me to then say? I saw your dad the other day when I was at Joys, he came over to me which was a surprise and chatted for ages infact found it hard to get away but it was really nice. There was no issue at all which was also nice, we chatted about this and that but he had a couple of things for me that Emma had had and wanted them out of his garage I think!. Anyway, it was nice to chat although when I said to say hello to your mum his face clouded and his tone changed as if to say hmmm yes she's not as forthcoming!! But then not a surprise at all. Things ok here but SOOO hard. Seem to be chasing my tail all the time and trying to do a million things at once and as I said to mum a couple of days ago I now realise all that you did for me over the past months and i thank you for that. My news is that I am getting a new car on Friday!! AM so excited, well I will be when I know that it is all going to come together just so. have arranged finance etc but its in Northampton and so am driving my car up there in the morning and part exing it. am getting the Audi A5 cab 3.0 quattro as if it would be anything else. However it is meant to be as it has my initials JCU and is Amethyst Grey which is my birthstone and has a lot of meaning as you know. So I just had to have it even though I have not seen it and am taking a huge leap of faith. I know you would have had forty fits but you know me and although I am worried my blind optimism will get me through or at least it had better!! Am trying to think if I have anything else to report and not really. I'm not looking forward to Christmas AT ALL. God alone knows what I will do, feel like doing something wild and reckless but when I have to be back for boxing day for the kids its a little prohibitive! What are you doing are you coming home? It scares me a bit. I've neer been totally on my own at christmas and I know that mum and dad will include me as would pete but it's a horrid place when you are single and your perception is that everyone is having a better time than you!! Obviously they are not but you know what I mean. Also we have had a great couple of Christmas's well imbetween the family hassle but overall great. Maybe I will go climb a mountain somewhere. Your dad seemed to think you were doing a great job out there with nic but that she was sitting on the fence again and no decisions made. If that is the case it must be driving you nuts!! :-) Alsohe asked me about your job, as if I would know!! But he said you were looking all the time but nothing yet. He said he had recommended a couple of things but you'd blown them out but then they were probably chief floor sweeper somewhere!! Bless him. As to whether I am happy or not it ebbs and flows. sometimes laughing loads at work but sometimes very melancholy, feel life is a very open book at the moment and don't know where my path will take me. that initself is exciting but also scarey and as you know I always like to know the plan and where I am heading so feel kind of out of sorts but I suppose on a day to day basis dealing with it ok. How are you? What are you doing? What are you doing and what are you planning? Obviously you don't have to mail me back if you don't want to but it would be really nice to hear from you if you want. Take care of yourself. With Love Me.xx Very briefly 2yr relationship living together, she said she needed space so I travelled out to the states to see my sister, she dumped me by letter 10days later and packed and shipped my stuff off to storage! We had been best friends for years so since the BU mid Oct we have been exchanging txt, v friendly but she knows she's broken my heart. I decided 12 days ago to go NC as felt I was always waiting to hear from her and it was killing me, I didn't reply to the last text and won't be replying to this email. It would be fair to say we HAD some really fantastic times together but knowing her how I do she has a tendency to cut and run and I suppose I thought it'd be different for us and maybe she did too. We have both said that we wish to remain friends but realise emotionally this is not currently possible, well not for me anyway hence the NC. The reason for her email, the car, she just had to tell me about, I really didn't need to know or want to know. I think it was a selfish act on her part. Finally to top all this, we were engaged for a period and she tells me that she is still wearing my ring, has no idea why but just reminds her of happy times!! We all know that NC is never easy especially when all you or I want to do is reply to possibly keep 'the hope' alive but I know having read so many posts on here the best solution is to rise above it, ignore it and try and better yourself and move on! Good luck everyone who like me is fighting hard with 'No Contact' The question is, if she really reached out to me, would I have her back, at this moment in time YES! Having been married for 20yrs obviously now divorced you do learn what is important in your life and can recognise when something REALLY good comes along you try and do your upmost to keep it and cherish it. I sure I'll get a txt next saying, well from your silence I take it you don't want to here from me, oh by the way I love my new car love it! Always glad to have your thoughts or feedback, onwards and upwards!
ks0985 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I wouldn't reply to that unless your cool with just being friends with her. Didn't really get a sense that she was making much effort to try and get you back. 1
HeartBroken1988 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I can't understand how people can act normal like nothing happened after a long relationship. You shouldn't reply, it's HER problem. Actually, I received a mail a bit like that (a lot shorter and colder though) from my ex few months ago and it hurt me so bad that I had the feeling to return to square one. It's selfish there's no other words.
BC1980 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 So she sent you an email to tell you all about her life for what reason exactly? Probably attention. She doesn't have you anymore to talk to, so she needs to validate her life by telling you about it. That email makes me angry just reading it. Don't answer it. 9
Chi townD Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You stated that you were friends for years before. Looks like that letter (e-mail) was an attempt to try and go back to that.
Author Arty54 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 BC1980 Don't worry, I won't be replying! She has plenty of girlfriends to talk to about her life, it has made me angry because she knows actually how I feel/felt about her, she had been asking questions previously about when I was returning to the UK simply because she wanted to know whether we were going to bump into each other. I sent her a text politely telling her that I owe her nothing and she lost the right to know my thoughts and plans when she ended our relationship. She did profusely apologise and said she wouldn't ask again unless she really needed to know something, she has obviously forgotten that pledge. I just don't understand why people think it is ok to break your heart and then continue to stamp on it? My parents struggled to accept her mainly because my teenage kids rejected her and my parents didn't want to rock boat, so I can understand her mentioning about my parents recent reaction to her. To all those that want to hear from your ex when your still hurting, believe me you don't!
Author Arty54 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 You stated that you were friends for years before. Looks like that letter (e-mail) was an attempt to try and go back to that. Yes we were, known each other since she was 18, so some 25yrs but became very close 2yrs before we got together as we helped each other through our respective divorces! We have both maintained that we wish to remain friends in time, we both know this may take months. She even said recently in a text that she would dread seeing me as it'll break her heart all over again, makes you wonder who dumped who!!
barky2 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 For your sanity don't reply. That was all me me me me me Oh wait she thru in a few questions wondering about you. Selfish little girl. Nothing about wanting you back or anything so leave it be. She thinks you'll be right there ready to respond in a instant. When you don't, it prob will hit her you're gone. Do not reply or I'll throw a shoe at you. Barky 7
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 and i'll pick the shoe up and beat you to death with it, i'll even use it to dig your grave 2
Author Arty54 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 It's ok Barky I don't want you hurling that shoe, so won't be replying! Maybe a week or so ago I would have, but reading the posts on LS about NC and the success stories of how it helps has made a massive difference. I do not want to alienate her but I DO realise that the NC now is for the best for me.
d0nnivain Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 You stated that you were friends for years before. Looks like that letter (e-mail) was an attempt to try and go back to that. I agree. She's being friendly. She is not looking to get back together. She may be looking for some kind of "permission" to poliltely engage your family in conversation if she bumps into them. No response is required unless you want to specifically tell her to not contact you or talk to your family which doesn't seem necessary, imo.
LadyM Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 BC1980 I just don't understand why people think it is ok to break your heart and then continue to stamp on it? This happened to me and, likely, many of us here. They try to continue contact with us and no matter what they say to us, it makes us feel horrible. I believe their contact shows a distinct lack of empathy on their part. They are narcissistic and don't even know how to take our feelings into consideration. They are heartless and are only thinking about how to comfort themselves. They are looking for a way not to feel like the "bad guy" and a response indicates that you're alright and they didn't do anything so terrible. They may feel lonesome for a minute so they reach out. In this case, writing to you made HER feel better. It had nothing to do with how you're feeling because she really doesn't care so much. I must say, you seem so strong dealing with this BU and you have my admiration. Wish it had been like that for myself... 1
LadyM Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Sorry....I can't figure out how to quote only one line. So, the first line of the above response should be the "quote".......(I just don't understand why people think it is ok to break your heart and then continue to stamp on it?) If anyone could tell me how to quote only part of a response, I'd be most appreciative!!
BC1980 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I just saw the part where she is still wearing the engagement ring. That is nuts. 1
Author Arty54 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 I just saw the part where she is still wearing the engagement ring. That is nuts. I know, it is, when I challenged her as to why she was still wearing it when she obviously does not want to be engaged to me she said and I quote ' I know what your saying but I love it and maybe it reminds me of lots of good things too, I imagine I'll take it off one day but I'm just not ready too and that I can't explain as it doesn't make sense so I don't expect you to understand if I don't myself!' Weird, however since I know her very well, it is just an emotionally attachment for now.
Author Arty54 Posted December 13, 2013 Author Posted December 13, 2013 Hi you. How's the trip going? Got to be a gazillion times better than here. Christmas is SOOO passing me by, am struggling to even find the enthusiasm for the kids. They'll be with Craig so it'll just be me with m and d!!!! They're trying to cheer me up and although I'll go along I'd actually rather be on my own!! God that sounds like I'm about to slash my wrists . Am ok but good days and bad days. I've joined an outdoor pursuits group which is looking really good at the mo and have been on a couple of walks with them. Joined plenty of fish a couple of weeks ago but just can't do it so deleted myself again, mind you not before twat face andy contacted me through it. Sent shivers down my spine so deleted it the next day!!! Was thinking last night while lying in bed of when we were first together and how I loved you so much it hurt almost. I so miss that feeling and yes there may be a million blokes out there but it doesn't land in your lap and somehow am not prepared to look for it. I know you may not believe me but I have lost ALL my confidence in myself. I no longer feel I can hold a relationship together. I always thought you and I were 'it'. If that didn't work what's the point of looking again!! I do really hope that you feel ok though, you must I imagine as you are doing something lovely. Anyway I'll stop bleating on, just wanted to chat even if it is one way Love, me. Xxx Not sure what to make of it, have no intention of replying but the three Xxx is a shift in her feelings, I do know this as I know her v well.
barky2 Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Hi you. How's the trip going? Got to be a gazillion times better than here. Christmas is SOOO passing me by, am struggling to even find the enthusiasm for the kids. They'll be with Craig so it'll just be me with m and d!!!! They're trying to cheer me up and although I'll go along I'd actually rather be on my own!! God that sounds like I'm about to slash my wrists . Am ok but good days and bad days. I've joined an outdoor pursuits group which is looking really good at the mo and have been on a couple of walks with them. Joined plenty of fish a couple of weeks ago but just can't do it so deleted myself again, mind you not before twat face andy contacted me through it. Sent shivers down my spine so deleted it the next day!!! Was thinking last night while lying in bed of when we were first together and how I loved you so much it hurt almost. I so miss that feeling and yes there may be a million blokes out there but it doesn't land in your lap and somehow am not prepared to look for it. I know you may not believe me but I have lost ALL my confidence in myself. I no longer feel I can hold a relationship together. I always thought you and I were 'it'. If that didn't work what's the point of looking again!! I do really hope that you feel ok though, you must I imagine as you are doing something lovely. Anyway I'll stop bleating on, just wanted to chat even if it is one way Love, me. Xxx Not sure what to make of it, have no intention of replying but the three Xxx is a shift in her feelings, I do know this as I know her v well. Me me me me me me me me me just like the first email. Oh you feel bad? Wahhhh Oh rubbed in your face about pof and someone already writing to her? Gimme a break. Ya, sure we'll talk one day, that day op is when your are completely over her and married with kids loving your life. That's the day. Does she regret? Maybe just 1%. If you responded she'd drop off the face of the earth guaranteed. If she wants you back she'll make it known, right now she isn't. She's going thru the same breakup steps as you. Although she's looking for a friend in you to help her get thru it. Was she there for you? Didn't think so. Let this email be buddy. Barky 4
NoLeafClover Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 (edited) Hi you. How's the trip going? Got to be a gazillion times better than here. Christmas is SOOO passing me by, am struggling to even find the enthusiasm for the kids. They'll be with Craig so it'll just be me with m and d!!!! They're trying to cheer me up and although I'll go along I'd actually rather be on my own!! God that sounds like I'm about to slash my wrists . Am ok but good days and bad days. I've joined an outdoor pursuits group which is looking really good at the mo and have been on a couple of walks with them. Joined plenty of fish a couple of weeks ago but just can't do it so deleted myself again, mind you not before twat face andy contacted me through it. Sent shivers down my spine so deleted it the next day!!! Was thinking last night while lying in bed of when we were first together and how I loved you so much it hurt almost. I so miss that feeling and yes there may be a million blokes out there but it doesn't land in your lap and somehow am not prepared to look for it. I know you may not believe me but I have lost ALL my confidence in myself. I no longer feel I can hold a relationship together. I always thought you and I were 'it'. If that didn't work what's the point of looking again!! I do really hope that you feel ok though, you must I imagine as you are doing something lovely. Anyway I'll stop bleating on, just wanted to chat even if it is one way Love, me. Xxx Not sure what to make of it, have no intention of replying but the three Xxx is a shift in her feelings, I do know this as I know her v well. Im sorry dude but WTF...she is really dumb...like who messages their ex and tells them they signed up on POF obviously to look for other options. It's weird as is that she's just talking about herself as if she wrote this crap to herself and not for you. I don't know her but I can tell you that this is not someone that makes much sense. First keeping the engagement ring and wearing it like everything is okay. Second she writes you after no contact for weeks to tell you how great she is doing out of the blue like you asked her to tell you. Then she goes to tell you that she thought you were 'it' and that she lost her "self confidence"? Don't fall for this little messages. She is trying to get some type of response from you so that she can feel better. It's hurting her that you are gone and sticking to NC and it's killing her inside. People don't go from "I loved you so much that it hurt" to "I signed up on POF" to look for other men and I am doing great. Forget about her, stick to no contact as hard as it maybe for you. You can do better than trying to be with someone who refused to be with you for the rest of your life and has no idea what she wants in her life. Edited December 13, 2013 by NoLeafClover 1
Chi townD Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Hi you. How's the trip going? Got to be a gazillion times better than here. Christmas is SOOO passing me by, am struggling to even find the enthusiasm for the kids. They'll be with Craig so it'll just be me with m and d!!!! They're trying to cheer me up and although I'll go along I'd actually rather be on my own!! God that sounds like I'm about to slash my wrists . Am ok but good days and bad days. I've joined an outdoor pursuits group which is looking really good at the mo and have been on a couple of walks with them. Joined plenty of fish a couple of weeks ago but just can't do it so deleted myself again, mind you not before twat face andy contacted me through it. Sent shivers down my spine so deleted it the next day!!! Was thinking last night while lying in bed of when we were first together and how I loved you so much it hurt almost. I so miss that feeling and yes there may be a million blokes out there but it doesn't land in your lap and somehow am not prepared to look for it. I know you may not believe me but I have lost ALL my confidence in myself. I no longer feel I can hold a relationship together. I always thought you and I were 'it'. If that didn't work what's the point of looking again!! I do really hope that you feel ok though, you must I imagine as you are doing something lovely. Anyway I'll stop bleating on, just wanted to chat even if it is one way Love, me. Xxx Not sure what to make of it, have no intention of replying but the three Xxx is a shift in her feelings, I do know this as I know her v well. Okay, Email translation. Blah...blah... Life can be sometimes hard especially without you in it, but I'm determined to make it without you...blah...blah.... Christmas is going to be hard. People may look at me like I'm some spinster because I don't have anyone (side note: and who fault is that). But I'm joining clubs and meeting new people and, hopefully, I'll be able to find your replacement soon. P.S. I love my new car. Bye! Nothing in that email is heart felt and NO indication that she wants you back. So, don't even waste your time. Okay? XXX Not gay. Just showing you how easy it is to hit a key three times and it not mean anything. 3
polynomial Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I'm sorry, but what the f*ck is wrong with her?? I just.. I can't
Iguanna Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 She left you cause she wanted a break. You were TOO good for her and she wanted out. She wasn't ready for a new marriage after her divorce. She has still some stuff she hasn't done in her life and she wants to have the feeling that she can do, even if she doesn't do them at the end. Her e-mails want to keep you "stand-by", waiting, hoping. She has understood that you went NC and she is trying to remind you of the good things so you change your mind and be there when SHE needs you. I use to say one thing: when people leave without an excuse it's cause they want to come back without an excuse. They want this door to be open for them and they want to make the decision whether to pass this door or not. She doesn't sound like a bad person, I guess she had a bad marriage and now she wants to do things she missed. But the ugly truth is she is not ready to commit herself just yet. I think she will come back sooner or later. The thing is, maybe by that time your heart will be already cold for her. There is a song saying "now you love me but I don't care anymore". It's up to you what you will do. If it were me, I would send her an e-mail saying "do not contact me unless you are coming back to me". And I wouldn't expect anything less than a yes or no answer. No more lalala mails, no more news, no more anything. Come or go, black or white. And if you choose to go, that's the end. The very last end.
TylerDurdenn Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 He/she wrote a paragraph about their new car? How sad. Please do not reply. 1
Haydn Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 Bollocks Tyler you did it again! He/she wrote a paragraph about their new car? How sad. Please do not reply.
Author Arty54 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 Thank-you all for your feedback, it is always refreshing to have other opinions even if you don't necessarily know all the facts of an individual's relationship. She did have a poor 5 year marriage (didn't love him, long story and not relevant) and I believe is afraid to commit to anyone, it would be fair to say that she did really believe that if she couldn't make "it" with me she couldn't make it with anyone, only because she knew we knew each other so well. (It's not the first time she has said this). I should really understand her because again in her words I know her better than anyone, but the sad thing is 'I just don't, well, not anymore. She is talking to me like a best friend, who the hell would mention to an ex about POF! The twat face she mentioned is an ex who was not a nice guy. She talks about how she wants to feel i.e. So much in love that it hurts, but not with me but with somebody new! Again I do know she has never ever felt like that towards anyone else before so is looking to capture that feeling with someone else! (My interpretation) just makes me feel worthless! I am struggling big time with the NC but will remain resolute and will not reply, I'd love to and give her the feedback from you guys/girls just to show her how selfish she is being, this is not normally her nature, but as I said she is very quickly trying to put me back in the friend zone which is not something I can accept at the moment because of how I still feel about her. It's also interesting how she has sort of presumed that I am feeling better or over her, she knows full well that I really love her and that she broke my heart but because I have been travelling from NY to spend time in FL she believes everything is lovely in my world, she just doesn't have a clue, it's like she's with me 24/7 and I don't like the emotional effect she still has on me. The Xxx is just three Xxx but this is how we always ended our text conversations, just before the BU the texts from her reverted to Xx and when challenged she said 'I am sorry but that is just how I now feel! Yes I know exactly what you are all about so say........I am clutching at straws and your all probably right, I just think/believe that she is using this to try to get me to reply to restart a dialogue and thus as many have said ease her guilt and be able to rekindle a friendship with her best friend......but it ain't going to happen!! So it's been 37 days since she had any contact from me and so it will remain, again thanks for the support and replies, very much appreciated. 1
Recommended Posts