MorbidFever Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I posted awhile ago how exMM was doing all sorts of weird stuff on Facebook and posting 'messages' to me indirectly on his professional page. A lot of it was mean messages. Out of curiosity yesterday I take a look and last week he posted a picture of his wife in an item of clothing I gave him as a gift. WTF??? HAHAHA!!!! I have never seen someone react so strangely from a break-up. Anyone else have a bizarre story on how exMM or exMW reacted?
crederer Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I dunno yeah, that's bizzare but it's also weird that you're following his or his wife's posts. But ya, I bumped into an ex while wearing an article of clothing she bought for me like 2 years prior and she demanded I take it off right then and there and give it back to her. It was weird and very public.
wanting more Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 If the last messages ha posted were mean, why would you go looking for more?
AmyBamy Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 The guy I broke up with just keeps trying to contact me. I heard that he is leaving his wife but until he does I will not have contact with him. I think it's weird when people hold on to relationships that are obviously over and ours is obviously over I made that very clear to him. But he keeps holding on or trying to at least. And my best friend saw him out at dinner recently and he acted like he didn't know her and he does. She said he refused to make eye contact with her and hung his head. I'm sure that he knows I've told her all about him being married and that he won't stop contacting me she said he looked scared that she was going to say something to him. So that's weird too I guess. But no not any secret messages or anything but I don't look at any of his stuff online at all because I have him blocked on everything so that he can't contact me.
Author MorbidFever Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 If the last messages ha posted were mean, why would you go looking for more? This may sound odd, but it actually helped me in moving on. Reading how mean and vindictive he was/is made me pity him.
HeSh_tTheBed Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Yes!!! Totally get it. Please read my recent post---I was really freaking out about MM's reaction to our breakup. He used to prevent breakups by saying things that could be summed up as "It's not over till I say it's over." And I used to brush it off---god the justifying I did!!!--I used to think "Awww---this is just how a man goes nuts about a breakup cuz he's SO IN LOVE..." Like, how could I blame him when every chick, myself included, has gone a little batty from unrequited love? And in A's you tend to end things when they're somewhat good. Of course it's not love. It's just wanting to keep the supply. I was freaking out all morning and last night---as in thinking this guy's gonna kill me or kidnap my children--like, real high drama stuff. But I read back through some of his old emails, and realized it ain't that dramatic. He's just an a**hole. So, I'm calming down. I think the catastrophizing is just because of the crazy-making. Good luck with getting over him. I recommend moving away, if you can. 1
Author MorbidFever Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Yes!!! Totally get it. Please read my recent post---I was really freaking out about MM's reaction to our breakup. He used to prevent breakups by saying things that could be summed up as "It's not over till I say it's over." And I used to brush it off---god the justifying I did!!!--I used to think "Awww---this is just how a man goes nuts about a breakup cuz he's SO IN LOVE..." Like, how could I blame him when every chick, myself included, has gone a little batty from unrequited love? And in A's you tend to end things when they're somewhat good. Of course it's not love. It's just wanting to keep the supply. I was freaking out all morning and last night---as in thinking this guy's gonna kill me or kidnap my children--like, real high drama stuff. But I read back through some of his old emails, and realized it ain't that dramatic. He's just an a**hole. So, I'm calming down. I think the catastrophizing is just because of the crazy-making. Good luck with getting over him. I recommend moving away, if you can. Wow! I have to read your posts. Your ex sounds like mine! He actually told me if he ever saw another guy hitting on me he would stab them in the neck! Total controlling a-hole!
Author MorbidFever Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 btw, your username has me LMAO!
HeSh_tTheBed Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 This may sound odd, but it actually helped me in moving on. Reading how mean and vindictive he was/is made me pity him. me too! But...how is it we go to pity. Even pity, as contemptuous as it may be, is somewhat soft and loving. 1
Author MorbidFever Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 me too! But...how is it we go to pity. Even pity, as contemptuous as it may be, is somewhat soft and loving. It is strange isn't it. After NC, I thought I could not put one foot in front of the other. I was a mess, but remained strong and took it day to day. Such as..today I am NOT contacting him no matter what. It definitely helped also, to think it terms of a day, not weeks or months. I remained a 'fan' of his professional page. And I am glad I did check on things here and there. It was just repulsive what he was and is doing. He started off with posting our songs and sweet cryptic messages, then a couple weeks later he turned nasty. They say DON'T read stuff, but if I didn't, I honestly don't know that I would be where I would be now i.e. MOVED ON and seeing how ridiculous he is.
HeSh_tTheBed Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Wow! I have to read your posts. Your ex sounds like mine! He actually told me if he ever saw another guy hitting on me he would stab them in the neck! Total controlling a-hole! OMG, same kind of thing here. But it was seldom so I chalked it up to a bit of Alpha energy in the midst of a lot of timid qualities. The contradictions were crazy..he could come across as awkward/emotional/kind but he had a swagger (his body is cut from the Marble atop Mt. Olympus, hand-crafted by the gods) and a romantic quality when he came in close that was astoundingly effective. Then a few months after our breakup I think he went out with a vengeance---specifically using stuff that was about "us"on his new conquests, and adopting a very unrecognizable Cynical/Unromantic persona on his cheating profile page. Really weird schizoid stuff. I occasionally flatter myself that it's to get my attention, but it's so wholly destructive and weird, who cares? It's like how the breakup would go if you were dating a homeless vet. How could I confuse this with a loving guy? I have no faith in myself.
Author MorbidFever Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 OMG, same kind of thing here. But it was seldom so I chalked it up to a bit of Alpha energy in the midst of a lot of timid qualities. The contradictions were crazy..he could come across as awkward/emotional/kind but he had a swagger (his body is cut from the Marble atop Mt. Olympus, hand-crafted by the gods) and a romantic quality when he came in close that was astoundingly effective. Then a few months after our breakup I think he went out with a vengeance---specifically using stuff that was about "us"on his new conquests, and adopting a very unrecognizable Cynical/Unromantic persona on his cheating profile page. Really weird schizoid stuff. I occasionally flatter myself that it's to get my attention, but it's so wholly destructive and weird, who cares? It's like how the breakup would go if you were dating a homeless vet. How could I confuse this with a loving guy? I have no faith in myself. He's probably a sociopath like mine. And a bit mental. You probably also got the "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't live without you you're my whole world, I have no happiness I feel NOTHING until I talk to you again. I am dying every day inside without you!!!!!" And then 2 days later you get a message from him saying he is setting you free and he needs to move on. Then 3 days later you get a message "You are impossible to forget!!!! I dream of you, think only of you, I don't want what I have, I love you so much, I can't live without you!!!!!!" And then 2 days later….am I right? It's always just about them and how their emotional needs are met. Then if they see you moving on or you being unresponsive, they flip out. Control freaks with serious anger issues. Socio nutcases.
Author MorbidFever Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Also, I don't know how we managed to mistake these qualities for love either. Imagine meeting a guy, a single guy, and he started making these kinds of demands or told you he would physically hurt someone for hitting on you, or make threats against your friends or like you said..saying things like "it's not over until I say it's over". It's unreal how we could excuse these things or come up with our own excuses in our minds as to why we are being treated that way. That is not the type of person I am, to put up with physical or verbal abuse, but I did without thinking they were serious red-flags.
HeSh_tTheBed Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 It is strange isn't it. After NC, I thought I could not put one foot in front of the other. I was a mess, but remained strong and took it day to day. Such as..today I am NOT contacting him no matter what. It definitely helped also, to think it terms of a day, not weeks or months. I remained a 'fan' of his professional page. And I am glad I did check on things here and there. It was just repulsive what he was and is doing. He started off with posting our songs and sweet cryptic messages, then a couple weeks later he turned nasty. They say DON'T read stuff, but if I didn't, I honestly don't know that I would be where I would be now i.e. MOVED ON and seeing how ridiculous he is. Yes!!!! AND HE DID THIS TO MOVE ON FROM YOU. It's his way of thinking "well, if I'm gonna fail, I'm gonna fail BIG and I'm gonna let her know how much it hurts." It's very similar to the half-bunny-boilerish OW who stands on her MM's lawn and cries. Men don't express themselves too much, so this is self-expression, writ large and scary. But if he really loved you he wouldn't fail in such a big way. He'd move mountains, not "Sh_tThe Bed" (Can you tell I am obsessed with this saying??!! LOL) My MM was rendered powerless by my definitive cutting off (there was nothing he could do, I was DONE with affairs.) And so he had to do SOMETHING. I'm pretty sure he wants my friend and I to fight, me scream at him, expose him to his wife. I won't give him the satisfaction. I will make him suffer in his inauthentic life until. He can do his own dirty work. I do, however, feel an obligation to the BS and my H (who knows some but not all). I just don't know what to do next.
MissBee Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I posted awhile ago how exMM was doing all sorts of weird stuff on Facebook and posting 'messages' to me indirectly on his professional page. A lot of it was mean messages. Out of curiosity yesterday I take a look and last week he posted a picture of his wife in an item of clothing I gave him as a gift. WTF??? HAHAHA!!!! I have never seen someone react so strangely from a break-up. Anyone else have a bizarre story on how exMM or exMW reacted? The good thing with my A was that he didn't have a social media presence then so there was no prolonging of anything by FB/Twitter etc. Social media really complicates NC as though you do not directly speak, reading someone's tweets, statuses, looking at their pictures etc. keeps you still very much abreast of their life, but only partially, then you read into things and obsess over secret messages, filling in the blanks etc. I would suggest you refrain from looking. I had an ex who put on a whole show on FB and Twitter for my benefit with his myriad of 1 month gfs post our breakup. It was just juvenile and I fed into it and it kept me stuck. With the A, thankfully NC remained NC and I didn't drive myself crazy checking up on his virtual life.
HeSh_tTheBed Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 He's probably a sociopath like mine. And a bit mental. You probably also got the "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't live without you you're my whole world, I have no happiness I feel NOTHING until I talk to you again. I am dying every day inside without you!!!!!" To his credit he was not THAT effusive. I would find that too intense and codependent and would probably not stay attracted. I need a little coolness from a guy to feel secure about him. Well he provided exactly what I needed cause he had me hooked!!!! But definitely hot & cold.
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