sleeplessinslc Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) I've been talking to this guy for about 2 months now. Conversations are great,we get a long well - until recently when I found out he bumped into his ex after months of no contact.They sat down and talked. Their ties run deep. They dated on and off for 2 years. Us - long distance - for a few months. After his failed marriage, this ex gf accepted him completely and let him run the relationship -- even letting him break up with her a million times - and essentially crushing her self esteem -- which led to her cheating on him for the entire last year they were together. Now that's he's found out the damage he caused his ex- he wants to "fix" her and uplift her self esteem by giving her words of affirmation. While he does this, he wants me not to close the door on us. But I don't think that's fair. I do not know where I stand in his life. Do I wait for him till he's ready or do I move on? Edited November 20, 2013 by sleeplessinslc grammar
Philosoraptor Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Goodness no. Let him go on his crusade. If you wait around you're only going to waste your own time. 6
Zahara Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You move on. There's no telling how long he's going to take to "fix" her! Honestly, I think it's a load of BS. 3
Philosoraptor Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 On top of what has been said, I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up back with this ex while trying to fix her... and you shouldn't be there waiting and wasting your time while it happens. 4
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 You stand on the outside of his relationship with his Ex.
Acacia98 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I do not know where I stand in his life. Do I wait for him till he's ready or do I move on? You move on. Remember what he did to his ex-girlfriend? After his failed marriage, this ex gf accepted him completely and let him run the relationship -- even letting him break up with her a million times - and essentially crushing her self esteem -- which led to her cheating on him for the entire last year they were together. He's proposing to do the same to you. He wants to dictate the terms of the relationship and for you to accept whatever he suggests. Then he will make you wait by the sidelines (or break up with you a million times), ultimately crushing your self-esteem. Then when you finally break up with him and start to move on, he will realize how much he damaged you and want to swoop back into your life and 'rescue' you. Save yourself the drama. Move on. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 MOVE ON. His request is selfish and infinitely unfair to you. 1
CarrieT Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 He wants to dictate the terms of the relationship and for you to accept whatever he suggests. Then he will make you wait by the sidelines (or break up with you a million times), ultimately crushing your self-esteem. Then when you finally break up with him and start to move on, he will realize how much he damaged you and want to swoop back into your life and 'rescue' you. Save yourself the drama. Move on. ^^^^ THIS ^^^^ Don't be the wet noodle he is asking you to be - just wish him well in his endeavors and move on. You've only known him two months. It isn't a lifetime and he's already shown you what a manipulator he is. You deserve better. 2
soccerrprp Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 ....UGH. The arrogance....I guarantee he wouldn't agree to something like that if you were in a similar situation. You don't have to be understanding. You need to look out for yourself and never let anyone think that you are open to being treated anything less than amazingly and as a top priority.
Author sleeplessinslc Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 He actually said to give him a couple of weeks to sort things out and that his ex was moving away soon anyway. Can't believe how much BS I took from him now that I write about it. Haha!
Author sleeplessinslc Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 You stand on the outside of his relationship with his Ex. And it took a forum in loveshack to reinforce what I already know. Dammnnn. I appreciate the time everyone took to help me out with this. I was hoping he'd be worth the trouble because I like him so much. But it's true. I shouldn't let anyone treat me as a mere afterthought. Have I mentioned how I found out how they bumped into each other- he posted a picture of them on his Facebook and Instagram. This was him affirming his ex - trying to lift her self esteem, he said. A pile of BS, I know. The list goes on. I saw the signs but just turned a blind eye on them because I'm a silly, silly girl. 1
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