Break Up - my final realization - the truth

[JustaRegularGuyZ]

Ever been in a long term relationship with someone and then poof, it's all gone? Of course you have, most of you have. But what surprises me the most is how most of us say we were blind sided by the Break Up, that we didn't expect it. Do you honestly believe it?

 

Me and ex spent 6 years together and now we hate each other. I respect her a lot for having the strength to Break Up, it must've been so damn hard for her. I felt it coming. 6 months prior to the BU it felt different, I felt different. I started to think about other women and I started to think of cheating and of "what if" scenarios. At the same time I really started to look at my Ex and think "are you really happy? Is she really the person you want to have children with? Are you really happy with the physical and emotional aspects of this relationship?".

 

Sometimes I wonder how in the world we lasted 6 years, we were like fire and water: different family views, political, religious, music, etc. I think we became so comfortable around each other that we took everything for granted. We could be ourselves with each other, true and ugly selves. When the day of Break Up came I sat on the bed with her and she in tears told me that we should see other people because we have no future together. She was right, there wasn't, so I sat there with my head down and looked up at her with a smile. We agreed it was a right thing to do and had probably the most amazing sex ever. It felt different, like we were strangers, yet it was so alive. What happened next surprises me. I got home and broke down, I lost her, when an hour ago I knew it was a right thing to do to Break Up. I chased her for a week, I still had feelings for her but my Kitty was long gone, the fire in her eyes was no longer there. We had sex again, it was as great if not better, but I knew this was hurting me. She asked if we could be "friends with benefits" and I agreed, but the same night I realized that it would destroy me on emotional level, so I said no.

 

I wanted her back but she wanted to be friends. I knew I needed to heal, so I flew back home and cut all the contact with her: phones, facebook, mutual friends, email, everything. I stopped drinking and hit the GYM everyday, started writing, hanging out with friends, flirting with girls, and just enjoying myself. I didn't hook up with anyone, just don't want to. While she started drinking harder and partying every weekend, hooking up with whoever, and just being who she wanted to be.

 

5 weeks of hard No Contact and she contacts me and asks if I'm okay and to tell her when I land back so she knows I'm alive. Now you may think "oh oh, she is seeing if you are available!", i assure you, she could give no ****. In this situation you could a) not write her back and look like you are upset, angry, etc. or b) write a neutral comment to show that you are over her and she has no power over you. I did c) over do it and write a "**** you" note in a polite manner. I wrote basically that we are done and there is no point to even think of each other, and to move on. She wrote that she doesn't care how I am because she knows I'll be fine and the only reason she wrote because she saw a plane crash where I am at, so she cares if I'm alive.

 

We hate each other. After 6 years together we can't stand each other. I still care for her but I know she did the right thing by Breaking Up because I would've cheated :/.

 

The point is Break Ups suck and they hurt. Even when I knew it was going downhill and wanted to be free, I was afraid, and hurt when I realized it is really over. Though, I didn't want to give her the power to walk over me and have me as a friend while she moves on. But honestly, before saying you didn't expect the Break Up really look into the relationship.

 

Do I miss my Ex? Yes. Do I want her back? Maybe for a booty call but definitely not a relationship. Does she think of me? Obviously she does, she is only human and spent 6 years with me. She doesn't want me back and I don't want her either, our EGOs are so huge it is highly doubtful we will contact each other, not for at least 6 months or a year. Keep in mind there are so many people out there, everyone with unique personality and likes, so instead of dwelling over your EX take this experience and look for someone who is suitable for YOU! Don't settle anymore, find the one who is perfect for you. I know I will find that girl but not now, I need to continue to build myself for next few months. Also, don't take the Break Up as a competition to get laid with as many people as you can, this is not a competition, be yourself and go with the flow.

[Never Again]

Ever been in a long term relationship with someone and then poof, it's all gone? Of course you have, most of you have. But what surprises me the most is how most of us say we were blind sided by the Break Up, that we didn't expect it. Do you honestly believe it?

 

Some do, yes.

 

Sometimes we miss the signs. Sometimes the dumper hides their true feelings well.

 

Most often, however, I think these "signs" are easily missed because relationships are always evolving. They go through ups and down and never stay the same - even the most loving relationship will go through periods of ennui. Lulls, rifts, rough patches, boredom, staleness...they're all normal things in relationships because we can't always be on our A-game.

 

Some people like to think that their relationships are strong enough to weather these moments. Other people fall out of love the moment things aren't easy, fun and natural - after all, working at relationships is just so UNROMANTIC (/sarcasm).

 

There comes a point where remaining in love and in a relationship is a choice - you either work at it and keep it going, or you don't and watch it crumble before your eyes. You choose to fight against those base instincts and go running off with someone because they're momentarily more attractive, or you choose to be weak and submit.

 

Many dumpees choose to love despite the hard times, or cling because they're simply scared to let go.

 

Many dumpers choose to stop loving (yes, it is a choice), have enough courage to let go, or enough cowardice/immaturity to run away instead of trying.

 

Simply put, yes. Many people do believe their breakups happened out of the blue.

[Kansas87]

I wouldn't say mine was out of the blue, but in my mind the problems were things that could be easily repaired if worked on. He decided he didn't want to try, however. He wanted to be done, be free, find "whatever was missing" for him to "be happy."

 

So yes, the signs were there that there were problems, but I foolishly thought that since we had been together for a long time, loved each other, lived together, he would try to work on things. The surprise, to me, was that he just didn't want to try.

[Philosoraptor]

Nope, like most people I ignored the problems and hoped for the best. Wanting to make it work to the point of self sacrifice.

 

Like many it felt out of the blue at the moment, but it rarely truly is.

[Never Again]

I wouldn't say mine was out of the blue, but in my mind the problems were things that could be easily repaired if worked on. He decided he didn't want to try, however. He wanted to be done, be free, find "whatever was missing" for him to "be happy."

 

So yes, the signs were there that there were problems, but I foolishly thought that since we had been together for a long time, loved each other, lived together, he would try to work on things. The surprise, to me, was that he just didn't want to try.

 

I suppose I'd fall into this boat.

 

There weren't any "problems" - there was a lot of stress from outside forces and things had just slipped a little. We were putting more focus on our individual lives instead of the relationship.

 

I just considered this normal. There was still lots of communication, affection and "I love yous"...things had just mellowed out a lot (the sparkly butterflies suddenly fluttered away). I thought it was a temporary lull, especially because there were many plans on the horizon.

 

But she also chose to not want to work at it. One slate month, even with looming excitement, was enough for her romantic feelings to fade.

 

That was the surprise. It just changed so quickly due to nothing more than external stress that caused some boredom in the relationship for all of 4 weeks.