urbsroma Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I met this woman online, exchanged about a weeks worth of texts and one phone call before our first date. The first date, which was on a Thursday went great: started as coffee then moved to dinner, a drink and then some making out back at her place. Our next date was that Sunday: a nice fall walk and picnic outside; hand holding and ended in some public kissing. Third date was the following Tuesday: my place, cooked dinner, great conversation, more serious intimacy (no sex, which was fine with me). So three great dates in one week--then a growing sense of distance in her part. She said her ex had gotten in touch (she got out of a 8 year relationship 5 months ago; I got out of a 6 year relationship 11 months ago; we are both early 30s) and that she was feeling the hurt of their break up again. We had set plans, more than a week in advance for a fourth date to the zoo, and I checked in the Thursday before the Saturday to see if we were still on. She said yes and stated her excitement; on the Friday she texted me following up on the time of the date and reiterated she was looking forward to where the date "would lead". Then on Saturday morning she called and canceled. She said that she wasn't ready to be physically intimate and needed to slow her dating down. I told her that I was disappointed about the canceled date and emphasized that I was fine taking things slow since I wanted to get know her. I left it with her that if she found herself thinking of me she was welcome to get back in touch. Was this the right move? Should I contact her again? Or go silent and let her come back to me if things change. We really hit it off so I do not think this was some sort of easy let down on her part
carhill Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Past results are not guarantees of future performance. Anytime a person mentions anything remotely substantive about an ex while in the initial stages of dating, prior to sexual relations, disengage. I learned this wonderful life lesson from....women 2
soccerrprp Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Sorry, man. Wait for her to make the next contact. 1
Philosoraptor Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 She's not ready for anything serious right now and backed off. Being back in touch with the ex has casued a lot of feelings to stir up. Don't be surprised if they restart their relationship and you're left in the dust. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 She's not ready for anything serious right now and backed off. Being back in touch with the ex has casued a lot of feelings to stir up. Don't be surprised if they restart their relationship and you're left in the dust. Quite possible, unfortunately.
emva07 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 After a long period of NC the ex was probably out of sight out of mind, hence her happiness at having found such a wonderful guy and enjoying it. Now that he decides to show up again, poof, her life has time travelled to a time of pain.
PinkInTheLimo Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 There is also a rule of the universe which makes exes contact you the moment that a new possibility of happiness is smiling at you. As if they SMELL it! Happens all the time: ex dumps you, for months you are mourning the end of the relationship, at some point you feel better and go out in the world again, the ex is only a far memory you are actually happy to have gotten rid of. Guess who all of a sudden emails you or calls you: the ex!!! I think your reaction was respectful and the right one. Go on with your life and she might or she might not recontact you. If she does, makes sure that this time the ex is totally in the past. There are women and men who keep going up and down in that kind of rollercoaster and you don't want to be a passenger in that ride...
ShiningMoon Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Let it go. The last thing you want in your life is drama. This woman is emotionally unavailable and you should stir away. A relationship is supposed to be smooth/fun from the start, if it starts hitting bumpy roads from the beginning, there's chances it won't work out in the long run. Spare yourself the pain and walk away while you still can. You're just holding on to someone who won't be fully committed to you anyway because her mind is not free. She's not the one because if she were, you wouldn't have had to open a thread on this board.
KathyM Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 She's not over her ex, and whether or not they are going to see each other again, talking to him has made her realize she's not ready for serious dating. I would suggest checking back in with her in a month or so, just to see how she's doing. Don't ask for a date, just let her know that you were thinking about her and wanted to see how she's doing. It will keep you more in the forefront of her mind, and shows caring with no pressure. That way, when and if she is ready to date others, you'll be on her mind, and she will not have assumed you're no longer interested. Some women would have trouble contacting you themselves after they've let you down. Their pride would make it difficult for them.
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