sweetlove Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I have a wonderful boyfriend of 6 months. I've been in a few long term relationships (9 years and 6 years), so I know how good or bad a relationship can be. This guy is perfect for me in many ways. He's 28 yrs old. My delima,,,, I found out last week that he had frequented internet porn sites ---- every night that we were apart. In the past month -- 4 times. How I found out --- I was cleaning the temporary internet files from the computer and saw the websites and dates. I asked him about he websites and he didn't deny anything. He didn't have an explanation either -- only that it helped him sleep when he wasn't with me (he used the sites to turn him on). He wasn't surfing the net for hours....only 15-30 minutes. We have a VERY active sex life. We talk openly and have a lot of fun --- both romantic and crazy fun. My issues....if this is happening now, what will happen in the future? Am I not enough for him? (and I'm a handful) And, what else don't I know about him? He's apologized and said he will never do it again. He also understands why it would hurt me as he would feel the same if I was doing it. This guy would do anything to keep me from hurting and anything to make me happy. It's not like he's addicted to porn --- far from it. I guess it totally suprised me because of our level of physical and intellectual intimacy. What do you guys think? Is this normal? Should I be worried? What do I do?
mr wonderful Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 I use to surf some porn, before I got serious with my girlfriend. When we got together we made a choice to not view porn without each other and only with eachother if we both wanted to. And I haven't since I told her taht. So maybe he is being honest and won't. I don't know what to tell you everyone is different. This has worked for us. I suggest that you talk to him about it and set some rules.
Pocky Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Try reading the 1,000,000 posts on porn that you can find on this website (just search "porn"), then after you read them if you still have questions, then write back. At this point, your question has been answered about 1,000,000 times.
johan Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Actually there couldn't possibly be 1,000,000 posts on this topic, so we haven't reached the limit you've set. The forum probably hasn't logged more than 500,000 posts altogether, my estimate. Unless you can point out any statements in the guidelines that state 1) new members are required to read ALL the posts pertinent to their concern prior to posting, and that 2) redundant posts are prohibited, Sweetlove should feel welcome to open another. Anyone feeling annoyed by it should feel free to skip it. This particular concern has been discussed extensively, not that Sweetlove would know that, having only just registered. I believe the positions fall on a continuum between those who reject porn outright and those who defend it as a birthright. The "brithrighters" also strike me as heavy users. It's going to be about 50/50 between those who think that you have a problem and those who think he does. It's just an ongoing point of contention. My opinion is that up to now, it hasn't affected your relationship negatively that you are aware of. It could be that the porn has kept him sexually charged. But now that you've discovered it and it bothers you, you should discuss it and let him know your concerns which are valid. If it were me I would offer to stay away from it for the sake of your peace of mind.
ConfusedTeenager Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 LOL, watch porn toghter and then look at the cool positions and try them.. i dunno i wish i could find a girl that would do that ith me... i wish i would find a girl period TT seems like you found a good guy! P.S. all guys look at some porn its natural just like masterbation
tiki Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by sweetlove He's apologized and said he will never do it again. He also understands why it would hurt me as he would feel the same if I was doing it. This guy would do anything to keep me from hurting and anything to make me happy. Good. This is the way it should be! This is a good sign, as long as he sticks to it. Did he ask a lot of ?'s as to how you checked it? Continue sporatically checking it. Originally posted by confusedteenager P.S. all guys look at some porn its natural just like masterbation It's nice that you can speak for all of mankind, but you're dead wrong.
Adunaphel Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Johan, great post. Sweetlove, I think that almost every guy looks at porn at least occasionally. The huge difference is that a few would stop if their girlfriends asked them to and some would not. He's apologized and said he will never do it again. He also understands why it would hurt me as he would feel the same if I was doing it. This guy would do anything to keep me from hurting and anything to make me happy. He sounds like a great guy. I don't know if it's true that he'll never do it again, but anyway he reacted in a really really nice and caring way to your concerns.
tiki Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Lil' tidbit: 1290 threads on porn I think everyone's story is unique though.
Pocky Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Actually there couldn't possibly be 1,000,000 posts on this topic, so we haven't reached the limit you've set. The forum probably hasn't logged more than 500,000 posts altogether, my estimate. Unless you can point out any statements in the guidelines that state 1) new members are required to read ALL the posts pertinent to their concern prior to posting, and that 2) redundant posts are prohibited, Sweetlove should feel welcome to open another. Anyone feeling annoyed by it should feel free to skip it. It appears you've assumed my post was written with irritation or annoyance. It wasn't. Since you seem to have misinterpreted my post I'll clarify it. Sweetlove wasn't receiving many responses - I'd say because the topic has been discussed over and over. Her situation is ubiquitous throughout the porn topics and has been debated consistently on this board. My advice was for her to search the abundant posts, hence my exaggeration with the number, to find her answer since she hadn't received many responses. I also advised, if she didn't find her answer then she should post again. Since she is a new member, I advised how she could search since she wouldn't know that she could do that in the first place. And I never said she shouldn't post. While you may assume that my post was made because I'm annoyed by the topic, you're actually wrong. If you bothered to read my history you would see that I'm one of the few people that feel porn can become an issue and even posted that people should be able to discuss porn as much as they wanted to. However, in this case, Sweetlove's question was simplistic in nature and had been answered many times. I felt she would benefit from reading all the posts that have passed through this forum. I made no insult or used any type of derogatory comment. If you look for negativity you will always find it. Regardless of whether or not it's there.
indigo_moon Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 You've only been together a whopping (not) 6 months and already you're snooping on him and making him feel he has to explain what he does privately when he's not with you, and therefore feel guilty and promise he'll stop? Don't give me this crap that you weren't intentionally snooping because that's not even believable. To legitimately delete temporary internet files, you're not actually combing over the files...you go to "Tools" in your browser, "Internet Options" then the section on "Temporary Internet Files" and hit the "delete" button....... For you to actually see where he'd been, you were obviously looking to see where he'd been, aka snooping. You are not his wife or his mother. The poor guy looked at porn *4* whole times in a month, good grief, that's nothing. Now you've put the guy into a position where he feels you don't trust him, you snoop on him and he has to answer to you on what he does when he's alone. This is how you drive a guy away and make him feel smothered and hovered over and like they're dating a private eye. He didn't cheat on you, he didn't disrespect you, he did what a million guys do each and every day...........you say you have a great sex life when you're together so what's the problem? Maybe you should sit down and do some soul-searching on your issues with self esteem and insecurity and your lack of respect for his privacy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Is this normal? In this case, yes. Should I be worried? No. What do I do? Apologize for violating your boyfriend's privacy, if you haven't already. If you went so far as to scan through the temp internet files for specific sites and dates, then your intent was clearly something more than just 'clearing the temp files'.
CurvyGurl Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Since it was nights you were apart, maybe he missed ya!
Recommended Posts