RecordProducer Posted May 12, 2005 Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup It takes two to tango. No! It takes one to cheat. The OW doesn't cheat on the wife. It's the husband who does. It's bad to sleep with other women's men, but the wife is only betrayed by the husband and should be angry exclusively at him. We all have a free will, nobody forces us to cheat, especially those who cheat for months or years. What if your man is being hit by many women? Does that mean he shouldn't say NO? Actually by blaming the OW, wives take off a great deal of the responsibility of their husbands. Techically, yes, if all women said NO to MM, there would be no one for them to cheat with. But I bet in 90% of the cases it's the MM who start the affair by hitting on women they meet. We might start a thread about it, I am really curious who initiates the contact and how it really happens. I have never been the OW, but have had a one-night stand with a married man who had a child. Why would his wife be MY problem? Couldn't he go home to his wife that night instead of what he did?
mourningMM Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 Just as you shouldn't take any of the blame away from the betraying spouse who cheats, the other person has a level of blame as well. And earlier post pointed out that a person in an affair may not know that their partner is married and cheating. I can accept this for something short term, one night, not more than a few trysts. HOWEVER, even if a person is completely clueless, either immature or naïve, there are hints. And once those hints are uncovered, and the person finds out that he or she is with an adulterer there is a decision: 1) Do I deserve to be in an honest, open, and loving relationship that I can be proud of? or 2) Am I so insecure, or immature, or selfish that I don't care whether what I'm doing is wrong and hurtful to other people? If a person is in an affair, and they are absolutely honest and open and loving...well, then maybe that affair can continue, but I doubt it. Yes there can be reasons for the affair, there can be growth and healing in an affair, there can be love in an affair. BUT remember that an affair is not a real relationship. Affairs are spiced by the "being bad" aspects, and given intensity...and they avoid all of the day-in-day-out work that a real relationship requires. They are a fantasy life unto themselves. And for people who can afford to live in a fantasy, maybe they are a good thing. But for everyone else involved there can be little but contempt for the selfishness of two people continuing an affair once it is known. Please note, I'm saying contempt for the behavior not the people. And in the end, the question is does the betrayed spouse have just cause for contempt, or anger, or hatred for both of the people that have by their actions caused pain? In my book, the answer to that is a big fat "YUP!" BTW...I'm really a bit tired of it always being a MM/OW ... these conversations work in both directions a MW/OM situation carries just as much pain and blame...
New_Wife Posted May 13, 2005 Posted May 13, 2005 My ex had both the OW and I fooled. She was an ex gf of his, in another part of the state, and even though I was near delivery with our first child, he had convinced her that he was single, I was some sort of odd stalker, and he even took her to look at houses in our area - telling her they'd move in together. When he stood her up for a mortgage meeting, she got very upset (he'd cheated on her in their original relationship) and sent him a nasty letter that got forwarded to our current home. THAT is how I found out about the affair. I called her, and after a few harsh words were exchanged (as we had both been told the other was a raving, stalking, lunatic that he wanted nothing to do with - and we both believed him) we ended up crying together and comparing stories. We met that night and confronted him together. Looking back (5+ years later) it's a funny memory now - the look on his face seeing us both sitting on the sofa in our living room when he woke up. It wasn't so funny then, however. But I didn't blame her - once I realized what had happened. She sent me a baby gift later - when I had the child as a single mom.
Monkeyonmyback Posted May 14, 2005 Posted May 14, 2005 [color=violet][/color] wow, you really got him good! bravo! That was the best medicine for getting back at a cheating spouse, Good luck to you and you little one.
SexKitten Posted May 15, 2005 Posted May 15, 2005 just because people don't treat eachother well doesn't mean they aren't supposed to. sure, the men who are cheating owe their wives more than another woman, but as a fellow woman, the OW should have enough respect for herself and all women to say " i am not going to f*uck another woman's husband because not only would i not want it done to me, but i am also not going to let this man USE TWO WOMEN." i think OW's just get caught up in it all because they are made to feel special when in reality, they're not. not to sound like a woman's empowerment publick speaker, but truly, this is how it ideally would be. but some women don't see it like that, and would rather get screwed over, and screw over someone's wife, and let a man completely have his way while she eats his shyt and loses her dignity. men can't cheat without a woman to cheat with, and if the women would learn to say no, maybe it would help curb this ptoblem for all women.
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