It's been 12 days since she left me

[Svenko]

Hello. It's been 12 days since she broke up with me and I still feel the same as when she broke up with me. Reason is G.I.G.S sindrome. Although I think she found the greener grass already. She hooked up with him day before our breakup and spent the whole next week at his place. She says that he started to replace me and that he fills her in way I couldn't. She told me also that she still loves me very much, she doesn't want to lose me as a friend, and that she couldn't imagine life without me. When I was at the edge of suicide she told me if I died, she would die with me.

 

I couldn't resist and we're still talking. I can't be without her. I think about her 24/7. I can't focus on college, on playing bass, on friends, on anything. I am trying so hard to find something to occupy my mind but nothing can. I can't sleep, I barely eat. I have anxiety and panic attacks. I am closing in myself and became cold as ice towards her, friends and myself. I don't have any hope for anything, I don't have the hope for better tomorrow.

 

These panic attacks start randomly, I start shaking and have such horrible thoughts. Anxiety attacks happen during day and night. When I manage to sleep, I dream of her, of us, and lately of her and that new guy. When I manage to sleep, I wake up gasping for air with face full of tears. During the day, when I get these anxiety attacks I just want to crawl up in corner and wait for everything to pass. I can't imagine my life without her. And how do I take this blow?

 

Every feeling I put in a box and buried now exited that box. She was the one that kept the box closed. I am again feeling the same as I did as a child, and as a teenager. While I was back home, I found that games occupied me, but I can't play games here. So what do I do. How do I move forward? My self esteeme is gone completely, and trust in people again. Mind you, distance had some effect also. I've been gone on college 250 km away from her for a month. But 1 week in, she started acting cold and distant.

 

And I was a good boyfriend I can guarantee you that. I never insulted her, never got angry on her, never threatened with anything. I was always here for her since we were best friends. I always helped her and did what I could for her. I would've done everything for her. The story about us is also much longer, but what do I do now? How to move forward?

And btw, she said that she needs to get to know herself that she doesn't know who she is. That she wants to live her life.

Edited November 20, 2013 by Svenko
Needed to add something

[notthathard]

Your right most stories are much, much longer but there is only so much you can say on one forum post.

 

Sound like your taking it rough, sorry to hear about the break. Your not alone, so many broken hearts everywhere. Everyone takes it differently.

 

There is a reason you have read all that no contact stuff everywhere, because it works to get things like your panic attacks away, thoughts collected, feelings settled etc. Your only 12 days in, it gets easier and I know you cant see that right now, but you will.

 

At the moment your not in the right state of mind to communicate with her about anything, anything you say is going to drive her away like a no tomorrow. Your going to have more urges to contact her, but shut them down immediately.

 

The dumper going straight into a rebound hurts for the dumpee, this is why no contact is best. The last thing you want to see is her with him.

 

The way I feel with woman is if your not fulfilling them emotionally, physically, mentally they will find it elsewhere.

Go no contact and find the things you have have not been giving to her, it may have been that you were too nice or too needy. Only you can find these things.

 

Stay in no contact until she contacts you, it sounds like she might but you can never really tell.

Ignore any breadcrumbs she might throw at you and only accept communication when you have found the things you need to work on yourself or when she sounds really desperate to communicate.

 

Don't shut your feelings down, let them come out (write them down, talk to best friend about them, record them etc.) the more you try to keep them in the worse it is.

 

You need to accept that at this moment the relationship is over, who know what the future might bring... maybe nothing between you guys again but you need to work on yourself for now. Its your time to get better from this.

 

Good luck dude