I think NC works?

[jms88]

Just want to say I am thankful for all of the posts on here and comments. I'm currently healing from a break up and google brought me here as I was trying to cope and seek answers to what I was feeling. Now that I feel that I am starting to heal, I wanted to share my story with you all, since this forum gave me so much helpful advice.

 

So I'm a man, 24 and my ex-gf 25 broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago. We had been together for a little over 4 years. We had are ups and downs but nothing really serious. We were in a LDR (300 miles, I was in grad school) last school year but we lived together the entire summer following the school year. This was going to be the last year we would be doing LDR and I thought we had handled the previous year well, but it was hard at times. We had traveled together, loved each other, she would tell me how much she loved me and how she would die without me. I felt pretty special and I felt the same way about her. The sex was excellent between us. We were both experienced before meeting each other and we had both experienced being in love previously (when we were much younger, but not with each other). But we did have some firsts for both of us, sexually.

 

A week before she broke up with me, she had come down to visit me for an extended weekend. We had a great time, had great sex as always, we drank and had fun with my grad school friends, and just had a good time. Like we always do. After she left, she started to seem pretty distant with me. I figured it was just school/work stress. Finally, I had to pry it out of her of what was going on. She said she was contemplating things. I say us? She says yes. She went out that night and didn't hear from her until the next day. She calls me and breaks up with me. She's crying and says she feels really bad. She said things weren't feeling right and that she things these feelings started in the summer. She says that we both want different things out of life, she wants to be single again, she needs space, and that there is nothing I can do to change it. I asked her if there was someone else and she kept saying no. Obviously, I was devastated and could not understand how this was happening. I plead with her that day and begged her to at least give me a chance to work things out. She wasn't having any of it. So I told her that if she really needed space, that we shouldn't contact each other for awhile.

 

A week later, I broke down and looked up her facebook and twitter. A couple days after we broke up she tweeted that it had been 2 days without sleeping in her own bed. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. How could she do this I asked myself. I really hope she just stayed at a friends house or something but why during the week? She never stayed over at a friend's house. And how could she get over us a day after she broke up with me? The thought of her having sex with some other guy made me sick to my stomach.

 

Fast forward 2 weeks. I'm still a wreck and have probably cried every day, like a little girl. I kept hoping for some kind of sign that she wanted me back. I really wanted her back and I thought she would realize her mistake and come back to me. I have not made any contact and neither has she. We had a south america vacation planned with her family (that her family paid for) set for christmas time.

 

Today, she made first contact. She sends me an email saying that they can't get the money back from my ticket or change the name. Then she says that I will have a credit that I can use by next year. This is all she tells me and at the end of the email she says "hope you're doing ok." I couldn't believe what I just read. Did she even think before she sent that? Why would she send that? How am I supposed to respond to that? It's almost like a slap in the face. But hey, looks like I get a substantial amount of airline credit.

 

I've decided not to respond to the email. I don't know what she's trying to do. To send that email after 2 weeks of no contact. And before this, we talked to each other every day. It's like I don't even know her and she's a completely different person.

 

But reflecting on this now, this brings some closure to me. The woman I was in love with, no longer exists. I finally feel like I can move on from this. All I can say is that if you have been dumped, DO NOT CONTACT. I was tempted so many times and nearly broke down and tried to initiate contact. And had I initiated contact, I would have had my heart broken all over again. But this forum kept me strong and I hope I can continue to be strong. If later on she wants to talk, should I?

 

Sorry for the long post, I hope someone finds it of use. I also welcome any advice on how to move forward from this.

[cavalier99]

Just want to say I am thankful for all of the posts on here and comments. I'm currently healing from a break up and google brought me here as I was trying to cope and seek answers to what I was feeling. Now that I feel that I am starting to heal, I wanted to share my story with you all, since this forum gave me so much helpful advice.

 

So I'm a man, 24 and my ex-gf 25 broke up with me a little over 2 weeks ago. We had been together for a little over 4 years. We had are ups and downs but nothing really serious. We were in a LDR (300 miles, I was in grad school) last school year but we lived together the entire summer following the school year. This was going to be the last year we would be doing LDR and I thought we had handled the previous year well, but it was hard at times. We had traveled together, loved each other, she would tell me how much she loved me and how she would die without me. I felt pretty special and I felt the same way about her. The sex was excellent between us. We were both experienced before meeting each other and we had both experienced being in love previously (when we were much younger, but not with each other). But we did have some firsts for both of us, sexually.

 

A week before she broke up with me, she had come down to visit me for an extended weekend. We had a great time, had great sex as always, we drank and had fun with my grad school friends, and just had a good time. Like we always do. After she left, she started to seem pretty distant with me. I figured it was just school/work stress. Finally, I had to pry it out of her of what was going on. She said she was contemplating things. I say us? She says yes. She went out that night and didn't hear from her until the next day. She calls me and breaks up with me. She's crying and says she feels really bad. She said things weren't feeling right and that she things these feelings started in the summer. She says that we both want different things out of life, she wants to be single again, she needs space, and that there is nothing I can do to change it. I asked her if there was someone else and she kept saying no. Obviously, I was devastated and could not understand how this was happening. I plead with her that day and begged her to at least give me a chance to work things out. She wasn't having any of it. So I told her that if she really needed space, that we shouldn't contact each other for awhile.

 

A week later, I broke down and looked up her facebook and twitter. A couple days after we broke up she tweeted that it had been 2 days without sleeping in her own bed. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. How could she do this I asked myself. I really hope she just stayed at a friends house or something but why during the week? She never stayed over at a friend's house. And how could she get over us a day after she broke up with me? The thought of her having sex with some other guy made me sick to my stomach.

 

Fast forward 2 weeks. I'm still a wreck and have probably cried every day, like a little girl. I kept hoping for some kind of sign that she wanted me back. I really wanted her back and I thought she would realize her mistake and come back to me. I have not made any contact and neither has she. We had a south america vacation planned with her family (that her family paid for) set for christmas time.

 

Today, she made first contact. She sends me an email saying that they can't get the money back from my ticket or change the name. Then she says that I will have a credit that I can use by next year. This is all she tells me and at the end of the email she says "hope you're doing ok." I couldn't believe what I just read. Did she even think before she sent that? Why would she send that? How am I supposed to respond to that? It's almost like a slap in the face. But hey, looks like I get a substantial amount of airline credit.

 

I've decided not to respond to the email. I don't know what she's trying to do. To send that email after 2 weeks of no contact. And before this, we talked to each other every day. It's like I don't even know her and she's a completely different person.

 

But reflecting on this now, this brings some closure to me. The woman I was in love with, no longer exists. I finally feel like I can move on from this. All I can say is that if you have been dumped, DO NOT CONTACT. I was tempted so many times and nearly broke down and tried to initiate contact. And had I initiated contact, I would have had my heart broken all over again. But this forum kept me strong and I hope I can continue to be strong. If later on she wants to talk, should I?

 

Sorry for the long post, I hope someone finds it of use. I also welcome any advice on how to move forward from this.

 

Sorry about the BU. These things suck. NC does work. I was were you were a year ago and now im recovered. It was pure hell. Just stay NC and dont break it ever. You have a long journey ahead of you but it will eventually get better i promise. Just dont break NC. Cav

[melell]

I know how you feel and it is horrible. But, I promise you, you will be fine in the end.

 

When my bu happened (5 months ago after 8 years together, I'm 26) there were several things I thought. Really negative things.

I can tell you that five months later I no longer think those same things.

 

It all really does change with time.

 

Not responding is the way to go, as you said she isn't the same, of her own down she has torn apart everything that was- any contact will just remind you that it isn't the same anymore and it will hurt.

 

For me any contact post break up did 2 things

1. Make feel good for a second;

2. Quickly followed by a horrible reminder that things aren't/will never be the same.

 

That second feeling would last days, and it certainly wasn't at all worth a second of feeling good. I quickly went to no contact because of it.

 

You sound like you are doing okay, but I totally get your frustration and hurt. It will get better though, you will be absolutely fine