beyondcrushed Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) I want to know if what I experienced in my last relationship is normal or if I were played. I fell for my exbf hard. He would tell me he loved me. Spend every minute with me. Wanted me over at his house all the time. Text me all day long. We worked together so he'd take me out for coffee and/or lunch daily. Spend the weekends together. He would always talk negatively about his family, friends and exwife. He would tell me (on his own, without me asking) about how his friends would sometimes send him or show him pictures of sexy or naked women. He would always downplay it saying things like, "Pftt, so and so sent me a naked pic. Geez. I don't know why he does that.", or "Man, so and so came by and was telling me about his conquests, showing me naked pics of them, and telling me I should go for one. But I just brush him off saying I don't need/want that. I'm happy." Then after we break up, I find out from one of the so-and-so guys that my ex told him details about times my ex and I had sex. He shared these details while we were still together. I was crushed that my ex would do that considering he downplayed whenever his friends shared inappropriate stuff with him. And this so-n-so guy hit on me post break up. Likely hearing all the stories my ex said, made him think a certain way about me. If my ex had no respect, god knows what he said about me. While I realize he was downplaying his friends stuff for my benefit and know he likely engaged them more than he let on. But for him to share intimate details bout us with someone who really isn't a good friend and is a gossip, makes me believe my ex had no respect for me, never really loved me and played me. All you men out there, or women who've experienced something similar, am I right? Did my ex have no respect, didn't love me and played me? Or do men, even those in love, share intimate details with other guys? Edited November 20, 2013 by beyondcrushed
CherryT Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Maybe I'm an anomaly, but I just posted this in another thread. I (female) would never disclose details of my sex life with my F even to my closest girlfriends out of respect to my F. My F is the same. It IS about respect. The only time we've talked about sex publicly was when we were joking about it with a group of very close friends. I mean, friends you keep for a lifetime and those who don't want to know about your sex life anyways. And it wasn't details about US but merely just a joke about sex in general. I don't believe all men share these kinds of details and I don't believe all good male friends want to know about their buddies sex life with someone whom they're very committed to. My Fiance's friends are good friends to me and that is just weird. To them, it would be like hearing stories about a sister. In the words of my fiance "no one else needs or should to imagine you the way I see you. That's only for me". I do believe that people are like who they hang out with though. If his friends are immature, disrespectful boys he could very well be one of them.
MalachiX Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 As a guy, I've found that most of my guy friends don't like to give details about women who they're serious about. We might talk about ex girlfriends and some might talk about a one-night-stand or casual sex partner but we don't usually give details about relationship sex. There are times when I think our GFs don't quite feel the same way. It seems like they almost feel that more likely to talk about sex with a guy they care about. Like a bonding experience. That said, I can't say this is true for all men and women. Just what I've encountered. I do believe that people are like who they hang out with though. If his friends are immature, disrespectful boys he could very well be one of them. Don't think this is true. I've had friends who frankly have a very different view of relationships than I do. There's even been times where I've had a flat out tell a guy friend of mine I didn't like hearing how he talked about the women he was with and didn't want to be present for it.
Uwaae Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I cant say whether he loved you or not, but he damn sure didnt respect you. And you should have known that. Its easy to know when someone respects you or not.
Author beyondcrushed Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Thanks everyone. I should always trust my gut. There were signs in the relationship that he wasn't respecting me but I was just so blinded by my love for him I thought otherwise. Towards the end he was blatantly disrespectful -- snap/yell at me for no good reason, and shook me hard cause he was angry I scratched him by accident. That's when I knew it was over. He clearly didn't respect or love me. We broke up soon after. Thanks for clarifying that yes, someone who loves you doesn't share those things with others. He wasn't a keeper.
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