How Is Everyone Coping?

[Leigh 87]

How do you guys cope when your ex finds love again?

 

My ex has:) Although I found love interest long before he first got together with a girl.

I am in the mood to share my story, months later, now that I am moving on and I am in a better place.

I am also in the mood to hear other peoples experiences and just to talk to people about things, it would help me right now to have oter people to talk to about their break ups....

I don't want to burden my friends in real life about this topic, I come here for that:lmao:

 

I was with my ex for about 2.5 years. We loved each other dearly but he was not head over heals in love with me.

 

.. I fell for 3 guys since we broke up, I travelled and had plenty of hook ups since him. They all made me realise what a selfish lover he was and it felt wonderful to be with guys who really enjoyed pleasing me.

Well, he has his first girl since me. Before her, he would still call me once a week or so. I was the person he would call first to tell about him landing a new job.

At first he said could we please both go to our respective shopping malls, since we both have major ones close by to our houses; he thought he would want to punch a new guy he saw with me since we spent years together and it still was not something he wanted to see.

Now, thankfully, he is dating a beautiful 19 year old model who looks after the disabled for a living and has a genius IQ; he is a 27 year old truck driver but with a house he owns (he lives with his dad and rents out his house to his friends)

He just got 100K of his mothers house (other 100K went to his bi*tch of a sister:lmao:)

He is shallow and prefers beautiful girls, otherwise he doesn't enjoy going down on girls (unless they are smoking hot).

Obviously, our contact has ceased since she hates me (for being his ex and hearing what a drop kick his sister thought I was) and doesn't want him talking to me. Fair enough, I am his ex.

I am very happy for him and I have moved on in the romantc sense. However, we were very very very VERY close, even though we were not IN love in the deepest romantic sense, we were pretty much as close as two people could be...

When he broke up with me, we stayed in bed for two days together because we could not bare to part ways... We were very dependant and attached.

The part I also mourn, is the fact we had that cool thing where, without telling an actual joke; we just laughed incessantly just by having a basic conversation with each other.

I still shed a tear when I think about just how awful it was for me when he broke up with me... it honestly felt like my world ended.

I actually screamed " please don't leave me" and I was totally hysterical. It was truly painful, I was absolutely hysterical. It was unlike any pain I have experienced.

 

Even though he did nothing that nice for me, I enjoyed:

- write funny notes and put it in his lunch randomly

- Drop him off and pick him up once a week when he drunk with his friends (no he didnt go out to clubs)

- I was always there to look after him. When he wanted to sleep all day due to his mothers recent passing, I would also cuddle him in bed all day even though I was not tired myself.

- I would get him random presents, like a cool cactus I saw at a passing shop. OR a bright yellow flower, since yellow was his fave colour

- I regularly put flowers in his mothers memorial area

- I stuck my finger up his butt during sex cos it felt so mch better FOR HIM and yet he would not go down on me often because he didnt truly get into it with me, although he did enjoy it a few times.

I hate that I have been one of those girls who bent over backwards for her bf, only to get nothing nice done in return, and for him to then go on and treat the next girl like a princess simply because he feels compelled to with her.

.............................................................

 

I miss the non stop laughter I had with him, and he says the same to me he said he doesn't want to settle down yet, wants to travel the world, and that the new girl does not drink (never touched alcohol), and cannot be in large groups (social anxiety)

I guess if he is into her enough, he better take her with her overseas, and she wil have to wait in the hotel room while he parties like crazy.

One thing I strongly believe since him, is: if a guy is truly head over heals for you, he will change to be with you.

When he was lamenting to me that he was lost and confused about this new girl, that she is wonderful but he doesnt want to settle down, were as after 2 months she already wants him to move in.

I said " Andrew, in the end, if you are totally head over heals, crazy in love with a girl, you will NOT walk way from that sort of love. That is all"

He still thinks he won't give up his dream of travelling and partying around the world for ANYONE.

Anyways, I enjoyed giving him advice! We were not a suitable log term match, but I DO wish him well!

I WAS a bit butthurt whe I found out he is with a young model:lmao: But this is mostly because I do not yet feel good enough about myself, and I am working on my self esteem and I feel good enough to know that I deserve a guy who is madly in love with me and moves mountains for me. I won't accept less now.

......................................................

 

 

How is everyone else coping, months later?

 

I found a person I will remember for life and who I have a strong gut feeling I will talk to again in the future.

 

I do not regret the relationship at all as there were some very wonderful and fun times:)

Edited November 20, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Chris715]

Your positive outlook is very refreshing Leigh. Unfortunately I haven't done nearly as good of a job of moving on or looking at things in a better perspective like you are.

 

I've been really depressed and bitter ever since I found out she was with someone else. Maybe it was because of the ugly way things ended between us, and how she flirted with all my friends over the summer which nearly drove me insane. Or maybe it's just the fact that I wasn't over her at the time, at all. I was still checking her Facebook page on a daily basis but seeing that was the final straw that caused me to block her.

 

I feel like a petty, terrible person because nothing would make me happier than seeing that she broke up with whoever she's seeing now And I'm constantly tempted to unblock her on Facebook to look for that, but I know I'd only cause myself more pain if I did that.

 

Can someone confirm that I'm being petty and selfish over this whole thing? I constantly see people saying they're happy for their ex and hope they find happiness but I can't think any of that about mine.

[Phoe]

My first 2 relationships ended with being cheated on and dumped for other girls, so I kinda had to learn to cope with that straight from the get go.

 

It took months... the first time was the hardest, as I had never felt heartbreak before, and I had to watch him walk around campus holding hands with her.

 

 

The 2nd time, I moved away about a month later and was so immersed in a new life that I moved on from the initial pain shockingly quick.

 

 

My last relationship, alternately, did not end the same way as the first 2, and it was kind of a relief to go through a normal breakup that wasn't intensely dramatic.

 

 

I suppose those first 2 sufficiently prepared me.

[Leigh 87]

Your positive outlook is very refreshing Leigh. Unfortunately I haven't done nearly as good of a job of moving on or looking at things in a better perspective like you are.

 

I've been really depressed and bitter ever since I found out she was with someone else. Maybe it was because of the ugly way things ended between us, and how she flirted with all my friends over the summer which nearly drove me insane. Or maybe it's just the fact that I wasn't over her at the time, at all. I was still checking her Facebook page on a daily basis but seeing that was the final straw that caused me to block her.

 

I feel like a petty, terrible person because nothing would make me happier than seeing that she broke up with whoever she's seeing now And I'm constantly tempted to unblock her on Facebook to look for that, but I know I'd only cause myself more pain if I did that.

 

Can someone confirm that I'm being petty and selfish over this whole thing? I constantly see people saying they're happy for their ex and hope they find happiness but I can't think any of that about mine.

 

 

 

You're not being selfish at all, Chris.

 

We are all different, and we both broke up for different reasons.

Our relationships were entirely different, too, and therefore how we mourn the loss is also going to be a unique experience, for the both of us.

I had a great run with Andrew, we both got so much out of the relationship, until I started to know deep down that something wasn't right.

 

I would have been too weak to break it off, as we were honestly... closer than close:) I am now relieved he went ahead and just did it. It was overdue.

Now he ended it, I am RELIEVED that we have both gone through the awful, AWFUL stage of losing someone you were so close to....

Not that THAT is out of the way, we can both see we are better off fidning other life partners, one day!

So yeah. I am very lucky. We ended on good terms... I think I am very special to him, he thinks the same about himself to me...

He did some bad things, cheating online in the end.

I just don't feel bitter at him, I feel he is a good person and I forgive him for cheating..

I think he was just with the wrong women, and was too weak in character to NOT cheat, and to break up with me first. I don't think he is a bad person.

 

Chris, I am sorry you are upset.

 

It is normal to not be happy for them and their new partners. It is normal to be indifferent. I am happy for him, but I don't want to know about it really.

After all, that was my bed I shared with him, my room I decorated, my dogs a the time I raced to get home to every day.

I am definately not comfortable with the notion of a young model taking over my space, but I do bless her and I have no ill will. I truly wish them the best.

 

Is there anything you want to share? Anything that is really bugging you? What annoys you most about the break up and the situation she has put you in?

.............................................

 

 

Phoe - bloody hell, you'e like the very pretty girl who people here are stunned at the idea that you don't get asked out. And now this?!

 

Well, I am sure cheating is never a walk in the park (when you are the victim), however, perhaps the fact you have been through it twice may help to... take the shock away ? IF it happens again, touch wood...

 

I can't imagine being that age and seeing the cheating jerk holding hands with the new girl:sick:

 

How did you hold yourself together when you saw them? Was it awful?

 

Did you make yourself just forget about it?

 

If a guy cheated he would be dead insofar as my will to be with him is concerned!

Edited November 20, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Chris715]

There is SO MUCH that annoys me about the break up. It angers me, saddens me, frustrates me, makes me jealous... I could write pages about it but I'm not going to.

 

It was my first seriously relationship at the age of 21 and the break up was messy and terrible and I had no idea how to deal with it. We continued to act like we were in a relationship long after the break up because she was still sad at the time and needed a shoulder to lean on.

 

At the start of 2013 she started a new semester of college and just like that, starts to feel better and I'm HISTORY. I guess most of my anger, my bitterness, and my jealousy comes from the fact that she basically used me as a Band Aid. Gets close to me when she's sad and needs someone there for her and then casts me aside when she was all better. And she's admitted as much too.

 

After all of that she just goes on her merry way, happy as can be after acting like her life was ending mere months ago and I'm there with her late into the nights when she couldn't sleep and needed someone to be with her.

 

So after a terrible break up over a year ago, I'm around 3 months NC now and feeling terrible about the whole thing. Unable to move on, pained by it every day, unable to meet someone new. Meanwhile she's off with some new guy. I'm probably nothing but a distant memory and she's probably conveniently forgotten about all of the pain she's caused.

 

Feels good to vent though, thanks for listening Leigh.

[Phoe]

Phoe - bloody hell, you'e like the very pretty girl who people here are stunned at the idea that you don't get asked out. And now this?!

 

Well, I am sure cheating is never a walk in the park (when you are the victim), however, perhaps the fact you have been through it twice may help to... take the shock away ? IF it happens again, touch wood...

 

I can't imagine being that age and seeing the cheating jerk holding hands with the new girl:sick:

 

How did you hold yourself together when you saw them? Was it awful?

 

Did you make yourself just forget about it?

 

If a guy cheated he would be dead insofar as my will to be with him is concerned!

 

 

 

There are a lot of moments about that particular time in my life that I barely remember. For a good 3 months I was in a complete fog. Miserable. Stone faced in public, but crying all the time when alone. I was in bed before the sun went down most nights.

 

 

The both of us were in the orchestra for a big local musical. I don't even remember the musical. I went to all the rehearsals, spent months learning the music, and performed hours worth of time for actual audiences. But I remember none of it. I was on autopilot. I have a photo somewhere of the ensemble, I'm kneeling near the front and he's standing a few paces behind me. My hair was in an updo. I was in a black dress. I don't remember this....

 

 

Being in school was particularly hard because both his parents worked there. His mom was the librarian and I was the library aide in the mornings, and his dad was my government teacher for the last class of the day. Just once, my ex brought his new girl into the library when I was in there. I'm sure it was intentional.

 

 

Most of the time I acted dead to the world. My friends were worried, said it looked like something in me had died, that my eyes were emotionless and zombie-like.

 

 

It was around the 6 month mark that I was able to be normal again, but I still felt the sting when I thought of him. It took about 3 years for that sting to go away.

 

 

The 2nd cheating boyfriend wasn't nearly as hard. I'd already done it. I knew what I would have to go through and was prepared.

 

 

Perhaps this is why I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I already went through ungodly amounts of pain in a breakup, I know now that I can get through it.

[Leigh 87]

There is SO MUCH that annoys me about the break up. It angers me, saddens me, frustrates me, makes me jealous... I could write pages about it but I'm not going to.

 

It was my first seriously relationship at the age of 21 and the break up was messy and terrible and I had no idea how to deal with it. We continued to act like we were in a relationship long after the break up because she was still sad at the time and needed a shoulder to lean on.

 

At the start of 2013 she started a new semester of college and just like that, starts to feel better and I'm HISTORY. I guess most of my anger, my bitterness, and my jealousy comes from the fact that she basically used me as a Band Aid. Gets close to me when she's sad and needs someone there for her and then casts me aside when she was all better. And she's admitted as much too.

 

After all of that she just goes on her merry way, happy as can be after acting like her life was ending mere months ago and I'm there with her late into the nights when she couldn't sleep and needed someone to be with her.

 

So after a terrible break up over a year ago, I'm around 3 months NC now and feeling terrible about the whole thing. Unable to move on, pained by it every day, unable to meet someone new. Meanwhile she's off with some new guy. I'm probably nothing but a distant memory and she's probably conveniently forgotten about all of the pain she's caused.

 

Feels good to vent though, thanks for listening Leigh.

 

 

 

 

Wow Chris, you know what? I think I was on the same path you were with my ex....

 

See, we were VERY close, and after the break up, we still hung out and acted like we were a couple some of the time. Hugged in bed at night sometimes.

 

We even had sex about 3 times post break up.

 

Luckily I had a trip to Russia booked so I was outa there! I had seen him less and less anyways, but we were still in pretty regular contact.

 

Had I continued on being close to him, he too, would have found this model girl he is with now, and cast me aside for a younger, hotter girl:o:lmao:

 

As it stands, I can handle it. I am moving on. Back then? I would have been A MESS.

 

Man, it was a good thing I went to Europe and Russia and had my own string of hook ups and men who I got feelings for and got upset about. I was like YES PLEASE, I WANT new guys to genuinely like and then be sad about! It was a WECOME disraction!

 

 

 

 

Look Chris, it is NATURAL to want to comfort a person after a break up. We are not robots, we naturally want to . do what we can, as a reaction of their pain and lonleyness.

I would have done the same thing, had I not had the sense to get the F8CK away from him. Literally:lmao: To Russia ahahaa.

 

 

 

 

Her bringing the guy in frot of you is heartless and shows what sort of a woman she is. I would NEVER do that to my ex. NEVER.

The two of us CARE about each other, and we both know it is a no go zone.

We even agreed to go to seperate malls, as we both have sizable ones near our ow regions, about 35 mis apart (the two malls from each other).

 

I mean geez. Her doing that shows low empathy, or she is utterly selfish and wants to get you back for something?

 

 

 

Are you happier now that you have the chance to find a better woman, who has a better character than a little immature schoolgirl who flaunts new guys in front of her ex who is hurting?

[Chris715]

To clarify she didn't flaunt her new guy in front of me or anything like that. She's in another state for school right now so I have no idea who the new guy is (thankfully). All I know is there is (or was) one after seeing it on her Facebook a few months ago when I still stupidly checked it every day.

 

What she did do was flirt with my friends and co workers when we worked together over the summer. At first I thought she might have just been friendly with people at work to get to know everyone, make some friends, etc. Then my other friend who worked there said she only acted really flirty around all the guys on days I was working

 

And she asked one of my friends out who she knew was my friend and almost certainly had to know would cause problems for the three of us. Luckily the guy's a good friend and denied her, although it probably also helped that he was trying to get back with his ex at the time, haha. And after he rejects her and tells her it's because he's friends with me, she turns around and lashes at ME, saying the entire thing was my fault.

 

Despite all of this I still can't move on from her and I don't know why I'm having such a hard time. Maybe it's because it was my first serious relationship and the break up got about as ugly as they can get. Either way I need to find some way to move on.

[Haydn]

Nice post Leigh. I dont want to know anything about my ex. She dumped me and i have complete indifference now. THe pain was constant for such a long long time and i really dont want her to know anything about me. She sent me a hand written letter saying how sorry she was for hurting me etc....Just to try to get a reaction from me. I wont speak to her again. As for dating i have had a few dates and usually they have been ok. But not ready for the big plunge just yet. Although i have got my eye on a certain someone...