boo700gs Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I have an ex-gf I am head over heels for who treated me very ****ty after a breakup but was reaching out to me for help/shoulder to cry on after I went NC with her for 2 months. The last time she contacted me on her own she was angry at me for not "being there for her." I thought it was a big ploy but it turns out her dad has cancer and is starting chemo. I found this out after asking her to meet up in person. She wanted to do so immediately. Things felt different for sure, I was not as love-crazy but am still definitely in love with this girl. I enticed her to come back to my apt and we slept together, and she was horny as hell for me. She says her friends chewed her out for calling me because it sent me mixed messages and I told her the message is clear, you are confused and you need me right now. She seemed to nod to this. It made me feel like maybe there was no reason for me to be insecure/jealous about some of her actions in the past because maybe there is no other man in the picture otherwise surely she would be talking to him right? Since then I have texted her a message or two every 3-4 days to check in with her and show her I care, because I do. I want to know if I'm doing something really retarded and how I can hedge my stupidity and vulnerability. I texted her today that I got her something and to text me when she can come by to pick it up. She is curious to say the least. I bought her an expensive $400 blender because I believe in the power of drinking green smoothies and veggies and she has been very unhealthy and I think her dad's health can only be helped if he tries getting on a green smooothie program. This is something that she knows I'm passionate about and is a gift from the heart. However, I question my own intentions. I love this girl but she is like a rock emotionally, and I don't know how much she really respects me. I am kind of hoping this will be a chance for us to get closer. I've changed a lot since we broke up, gotten a high-paying job out of my master's program whereas my life was kind of in shambles durin the time we dated. I have my swag back am dating other women, got back into my hobbies etc etc. and I just want to keep my relationship options open with her. What do you guys think?
TryingToFigureItOut Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Just make sure she is wanting to keep the option of a relationship with you as well and is not just using you as a crutch or a comfortable and familiar person she can lean on during this rough time and when she's ready to face it on her own she'll kick you to the curb.
Author boo700gs Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Just make sure she is wanting to keep the option of a relationship with you as well and is not just using you as a crutch or a comfortable and familiar person she can lean on during this rough time and when she's ready to face it on her own she'll kick you to the curb. I can't read her mind - am I supposed to ask her or just watch from afar?
Author boo700gs Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Just make sure she is wanting to keep the option of a relationship with you as well and is not just using you as a crutch or a comfortable and familiar person she can lean on during this rough time and when she's ready to face it on her own she'll kick you to the curb. Thank you. My response to this is: how? Since I can't read her very well (clearly) am I supposed to ask her or just watch for certain signs from afar?
Simon Phoenix Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I think you are making a huge mistake. Besides saying "I'm sorry and I hope he feels better" it's not your job to be her emotional tampon. It's definitely not your job to be buying her loved ones presents. If you want her back, what you are doing is the worst possible way to go about it short of telling her that you hope her dad dies. She doesn't get access to you as her emotional crutch while you don't get access to her as a romantic partner. I'm sorry about her dad, but you need to back way off.
Author boo700gs Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) ^ we have sex though? does that not count as her being a romantic partner? I can't nor want to just ignore her-- her dad is dying. What am I supposed to tell her? I can be there for you but only if you are serious about becoming a romantic partner? Surely thats not what youre suggesting. Edited November 20, 2013 by boo700gs
Simon Phoenix Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) ^ we have sex though? does that not count as her being a romantic partner? I can't nor want to just ignore her-- her dad is dying. What am I supposed to tell her? I can be there for you but only if you are serious about becoming a romantic partner? Surely thats not what youre suggesting. If you are having sex without dating, then no, you are not a romantic partner. You are a friend with benefits, a fu*k buddy. And yes, I'm suggesting that you take a step back, because it's not your job to be her emotional tampon. You don't need to make a big speech about it, but it's awfully selfish of her to break up with you and expect you to be there for her to dump all of her emotions on to you. She's using you for sex and she's using to be an emotional crutch without indicating that she wants to resume dating you (if she isn't saying that she wants to, then she's not indicating it). That's not cool of her. You said yourself that she was treating you like crap right after the breakup before coming around because she was facing a personal tragedy. Do you really think she would have come around if it wasn't for her dad? It doesn't seem like it. She came back into your life when she needed something -- she didn't seem to care too much about interacting with you when you were hurting. Edited November 20, 2013 by Simon Phoenix
r321148 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I think it's a really nice thing to do being there for her in this tough time. If you're doing it with good intentions then good for you. What I mean by that is that if you genuinely care for her and want to support her as she goes through this rough patch. If you're doing it purely so she see's what "a great guy" you are and hoping that'll make her want you back then that's not so good. 1) it won't work and 2) she needs someone who genuinely cares for her at the moment. I'd lay off the expensive gifts though. You don't need to buy her stuff just be there as support. You might not get her back at the end of this but as long as you understand that then you can feel good about genuinely helping someone. If you keep pushing her to get back together then I'd imagine that's the last thing she needs and that'd actually make her situation worse and more stressful. Your call really, just judge it on what you can cope with. Yes it's nice to be there for her but if it's going to negatively affect you then the situation won't turn out well for either of you and you'd be best served telling her that your sorry but you can't help. Good luck 1
melell Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 It doesn't seem like it. She came back into your life when she needed something -- she didn't seem to care too much about interacting with you when you were hurting. ^^ This x 1000000000 Unless she comes forward and tells you she wants to seriously be with you, then you are being used. I also think it is a little wrong for you to be sleeping with her and 'enticing' her back to your home given she is vulnerable at the moment. Her Dad being unwell, although it is sad, is not an excuse for either of you to be doing this, I wouldn't consider it a 'healthy' way to deal with it.
Recommended Posts