Agent Orange Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Not too long ago I got out of a long term relationship and put up a couple of profiles on some online dating sites. So far I'm getting a good amount of attention from guys but it doesn't seem to matter to me and I'm wondering if I rushed back to dating too fast. Has anyone else done this - felt indifferent to dating after a breakup? What did you do to fix it?
jrizz0 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm actually in the same position right now. My ex and I of three years broke it off and it wasn't the most mutual break up either. I've found myself on dating websites and although loving the attention, I realize I haven't worked on myself yet or even attempted to make myself happy. I realized I'm out of a relationship, I should be hitting the gym trying to lose this extra 20 I put on over 3 years but I'm on a website trying to score woman. Where I'm trying to get with this is, from my perspective I think we should work on ourselves and be content before we try to move on from our exes. Good luck
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 If you aren't ready to date, take down your profile.
salparadise Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Yes, I found myself in the same place several months ago. I had a longish-term relationship that ended a year ago (not my choice) and was hard to get over, then a several month dating situation that I don't even think of as a full relationship, which I finally ended (magic not there - interesting but...). After that I got back on the dating sites but had little enthusiasm. I had learned from those two relationships and realized that the real thing is hard to find, and these women who were contacting me weren't flipping my switch. It felt like too much work to try and keep up, arrange meetings and so forth. I wasn't interested in average––I only wanted to invest in someone special and it was too elusive to be worth the effort. The process was not appealing. At one point I had a list of 12 possibilities that I was trying to keep up with. I was not having fun and needed to get away from that craziness. There are certain requirements that have to all come together at once for things to feel right... you have to *really* be ready and you have to bump into someone else who is really ready and with whom you have chemistry and situational alignment. I also believe that the paradox of choice reduces satisfaction and the odds of success. When you find your enthusiasm low it's time to take a break and focus elsewhere for awhile. Trust your instincts and wait for the enthusiasm to come back.
bumpyroad Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) I'm not sure it's always a good idea to leap straight into dating after a long-term relationship break-up; there could be an element of rebound; using the new person to mask your pain. Even if you don't think that's the case at the time, you can come to realize it was afterwards (I speak from experience). Then again, if you'd been in a relationship where you'd felt bored or been made to feel unattractive, or they'd hurt you, getting attention from new people again could do you some good, a bit of fun/excitement, help you to see the lighter side of life again. But personally, I'm wary of people that jump from one relationship to another without giving themselves time to process and heal. Edited November 20, 2013 by bumpyroad typo
Author Agent Orange Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Then again, if you'd been in a relationship where you'd felt bored or been made to feel unattractive, or they'd hurt you, getting attention from new people again could do you some good, a bit of fun/excitement, help you to see the lighter side of life again. But personally, I'm wary of people that jump from one relationship to another without giving themselves time to process and heal. I'm not looking for a new relationship, just a distraction. The pain from my last relationship is still pretty raw.
odin673 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm not looking for a new relationship, just a distraction. The pain from my last relationship is still pretty raw. As long as your distractions know where you are mentally GI right ahead. There are plenty of guys that aren't looking for a LTR.
antonio1149 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I'm not looking for a new relationship, just a distraction. The pain from my last relationship is still pretty raw. I hope you state this in your profile. When I was doing OLD, I was looking for a relationship, as I think most people are. I would hate to think I'm spending time getting to know someone, and spending money on dates, and starting to get emotionally invested, only to find out down the road that I was just potentially serving as a "distraction" for them. 1
Author Agent Orange Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 I hope you state this in your profile. When I was doing OLD, I was looking for a relationship, as I think most people are. I would hate to think I'm spending time getting to know someone, and spending money on dates, and starting to get emotionally invested, only to find out down the road that I was just potentially serving as a "distraction" for them. It's on there that I'm just looking to date right now. I've only had the page for a week or so and not actual dates so far, just messages back and forth. I feel like when I'm ready I'll put more effort into it. Right now I guess I'm looking more for new friendships than anything else. Some days I have no idea what I really want. Mostly because I'm definitely not over my ex yet.
Author Agent Orange Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Thank you. Just reading that made me feel a little better. 1
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