Embarrassed by gf comments to her daughters

[DLM77]

On sun nights my gf and I rotate Sunday dinners between our place and her 30 year old daughter. This past sun was our turn to cook.

 

I've alluded to my gf in the past that I've had fantasies about my gf being with another woman involving a threesome ect...during dessert my gf decides to bring this up at the table to her 30 year old daughter and 27 year old bf. her 6 year old granddaughter was even there.

 

The daughter looked at me strangely and said, "you want to have a threesome with my mom"? I didn't know what to say and I put my head down in disbelief. Quickly the daughter looked at her mother and said, "mom you want to eat carpet"? My gf said no way I'm not eating carpet, te other girl is going to eat my carpet! When the conversation ended the daughter pulled out her phone and decided to text the youngest daughter who is 19 years old which couldn't eat was us because she had to work that her mother wanted to eat carpet.

 

Needless to say I was completely embarrassed and couldn't wait for them to leave. I felt disrespected that my gf revealed my intimate thoughts to them and now what kind of person they think I am and what is he making their mother do.

 

Yesterday I question my gf about it and she said it was no big deal try were joking. The daughter at first thought her mother was serious hence the text to the other daughter. Even the youngest daughter questioned her about it in disgust. My gf didn't offer an apology of anything, she simply said that her oldest daughter and her are like best friends not mother/daughter relationship.

 

This is not the first time my gf has disrespected me, not in tr same manner. I've seen red flags and wonder what kind of woman am I dating here?

 

Is this Normal amongst mothers and adult daughters or am i being overly sensitive?

Edited November 20, 2013 by DLM77

[nescafe1982]

Wow. All kinds of boundary-crossing here. No, I don't think this is normal, OP.

 

1) if you have intimate discussions with your SO, those things should not be relayed to other parties without your consent;

2) this is no kind of talk for the dinner table, not with the daughter, not with her grandaughter, etc.

 

I think you need to have a talk with your spouse about what you consider personal information, what you're comfortable sharing and what should be kept between the two of you. It sounds like she's not aware of conversational boundaries and will need you to spell it out for her.

 

But honestly? With a horrific meal like that, I'd be wondering what other kinds of boundaries are lacking in this woman's family life.

[Balzac]

Your GF has boundary problems and also no respect for you.

[todreaminblue]

On sun nights my gf and I rotate Sunday dinners between our place and her 30 year old daughter. This past sun was our turn to cook.

 

I've alluded to my gf in the past that I've had fantasies about my gf being with another woman involving a threesome ect...during dessert my gf decides to bring this up at the table to her 30 year old daughter and 27 year old bf. her 6 year old granddaughter was even there.

 

The daughter looked at me strangely and said, "you want to have a threesome with my mom"? I didn't know what to say and I put my head down in disbelief. Quickly the daughter looked at her mother and said, "mom you want to eat carpet"? My gf said no way I'm not eating carpet, te other girl is going to eat my carpet! When the conversation ended the daughter pulled out her phone and decided to text the youngest daughter who is 19 years old which couldn't eat was us because she had to work that her mother wanted to eat carpet.

 

Needless to say I was completely embarrassed and couldn't wait for them to leave. I felt disrespected that my gf revealed my intimate thoughts to them and now what kind of person they think I am and what is he making their mother do.

 

Yesterday I question my gf about it and she said it was no big deal try were joking. The daughter at first thought her mother was serious hence the text to the other daughter. Even the youngest daughter questioned her about it in disgust. My gf didn't offer an apology of anything, she simply said that her oldest daughter and her are like best friends not mother/daughter relationship.

 

This is not the first time my gf has disrespected me, not in tr same manner. I've seen red flags and wonder what kind of woman am I dating here?

 

Is this Normal amongst mothers and adult daughters or am i being overly sensitive?

 

no it isnt normal.......i understand why you would be embarrassed......i feel uncomfortable about sex talks with my daughters n general i shoudl feel good they come to me and confide as did my son and not their mates.......but....i feel a little icky discussing sexual topics it grosses me out a bit............with them ....i never discussed my ex partners bedroom antics with them.....and we were discreet in our showing of affection ...g rated..they would tell us to get a room when we hugged or gave pecks to each other...smilin....roll their eyes.....i dont think its appropriate to be lurid in discussions at the dinner table no matter the company especially mixed company.........and it isnt dinner table talk...i feel its private talk between two consenting adults..be honest with her....that you dont appreciate her airing your sexual fantasies ro sexual discussions in general in the presence of others....its uncomfortable for you so let her know that...............ugh awkward.......deb

[Ninjainpajamas]

Wow, talk about inappropriate conversation at the dinner table..

 

I think she was clearly set out on embarrassing you and intentionally put you into a situation that would make you uncomfortable...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this could rattle someone, maybe it was a lesson to you about your little threesome suggestion...but still, that's just not a conversation that I would think you'd bring up for one at the dinner table, two with your kids including your six your old, and three because it's something private.

 

I mean how does this woman conduct herself otherwise and with her children?

 

I don't know how smart a 6 year old is, but that's got to be one of those things you wouldn't want to say in the event that they would repeat it...regardless of the kid probably not understand what a threesome was or even eating carpet, so I suppose in a sense it wasn't "explicit" since it was in adult code but that's got to be questionable to say in the least at the dinner table. And then the whole behavior that was initiated in after it was mentioned...didn't they see your squirming in your skin? that leads me to believe they were screwing with you, maybe a baptism under fire.

 

And then this woman has a 30 year old, a 19 year old and a 6 year old? how the f@ck old is this lady? and what is she doing popping out these kids years and years apart...all from the same dad or what? who the hell has a 6 year old that has a 30 year old, can someone explain that **** to me?

 

You also didn't mention how long you were with her...why do so many people leave so many pertinent details out when they post!

 

At any rate, at face value...I'd just think the b!tch as a little crazy and at doesn't share the same values as myself but the again I probably wouldn't be dating this woman in the first place with a six year old at what age? damn...f@ck that.

[NJtoDC]

Oh yuck.

 

How long have you been with GF? Has she shown the same level of crassness and poor judgement before? I would think this level of inappropriateness would be seen in other areas as well.

 

What are you going to do?

[RonaldS]

I would have given anything to be at that table. Awesome.

[DLM77]

Wow, talk about inappropriate conversation at the dinner table..

 

I think she was clearly set out on embarrassing you and intentionally put you into a situation that would make you uncomfortable...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out this could rattle someone, maybe it was a lesson to you about your little threesome suggestion...but still, that's just not a conversation that I would think you'd bring up for one at the dinner table, two with your kids including your six your old, and three because it's something private.

 

I mean how does this woman conduct herself otherwise and with her children?

 

I don't know how smart a 6 year old is, but that's got to be one of those things you wouldn't want to say in the event that they would repeat it...regardless of the kid probably not understand what a threesome was or even eating carpet, so I suppose in a sense it wasn't "explicit" since it was in adult code but that's got to be questionable to say in the least at the dinner table. And then the whole behavior that was initiated in after it was mentioned...didn't they see your squirming in your skin? that leads me to believe they were screwing with you, maybe a baptism under fire.

 

And then this woman has a 30 year old, a 19 year old and a 6 year old? how the f@ck old is this lady? and what is she doing popping out these kids years and years apart...all from the same dad or what? who the hell has a 6 year old that has a 30 year old, can someone explain that **** to me?

 

You also didn't mention how long you were with her...why do so many people leave so many pertinent details out when they post!

 

At any rate, at face value...I'd just think the b!tch as a little crazy and at doesn't share the same values as myself but the again I probably wouldn't be dating this woman in the first place with a six year old at what age? damn...f@ck that.

 

The 6 year old is her granddaughter. Both the 30 year old and 19 are from two different marriages. Her first husband died of an overdose. Her second marriage ended after she had two affairs on him. We've been dating 4 years next April , living tog for 17 months

[DLM77]

Oh yuck.

 

How long have you been with GF? Has she shown the same level of crassness and poor judgement before? I would think this level of inappropriateness would be seen in other areas as well.

 

What are you going to do?

 

Been tog almost 4 years. Yes she has shown poor judgment on many areas in her life. She is now 50 with two failed marriages. Yes this isn't the first time. I love her, but I've seen many red flags since day one. I see good in her but unfortunately I see a bad side of her. She claims to be honest and completely up front about her past but I get the feeling she's left some things out...

 

As for what I'm going to do? I've been thinking about ending the relationship. Our lease is up in June though. I feel stuck in till then. I just feel like she's not a good enough person for me, but there is a side to me that says I want to help her.

Edited November 20, 2013 by DLM77

[skela]

I hope your great in bed because she's probably telling everyone about that too. Get rid of her. Sublet your place. Don't look for excuses to drag this out.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The 6 year old is her granddaughter. Both the 30 year old and 19 are from two different marriages. Her first husband died of an overdose. Her second marriage ended after she had two affairs on him. We've been dating 4 years next April , living tog for 17 months

 

Ah my mistake, I overlooked that detail as I had read the thread earlier and replied a bit later off memory.

 

Wow, quite the history there...and you've been dating for 4 years?

 

Well I can see that she might be more comfortable sharing that kind of information around others, although private...women are known to blabber about personal things to others without the forethought of asking themselves whether something like that would be embarrassing or maybe even private.

 

But that's still crossing the boundary, but after 4 years I can understand more of a comfort level there...I thought you might have just started dating and just met her daughter and her bf.

 

What's weird/funny is your asking about "red flags" after being with this woman 4 years, and she's done this to you before, maybe a bit more blatantly in terms of disrespect which indicates to me she might not have a very high level of respect for you (or maybe even anyone) or at least in tune with your feelings and how things affect you...so are you kind of a push over guy? do you not speak up about these things to her and say "Ima about to Tina Turner yo @ss if you keep talking to me like that!" or something a little less "milder" than that? do you basically express to her how this makes you feel? what other problems have you had with her?

 

Basically I'm wondering where the level of respect and lines are drawn in this relationship, sure you can just suck it up and move forward...forgetting about the whole thing, but you've probably got more going on than just this one thing that occurred recently, at this point she's already had time to settle in and there's a consistency of behavior and treatment already taken place...which makes me wonder, why are you in this relationship? Are the good outweighing the bad? she's got a difficult past to tend with to say it in a nice way, probably not someone I would engage in with a relationship due the issues that are indicative of that behavior as well as the psychological trauma of it.

 

I also wonder what kind of guy you are, and what your history is here.

[CherryT]

Your GF has boundary problems and also no respect for you.

 

This.

 

Now I am someone who considers my mom my best friend. But no way in hell would I want to hear that from my mother or would she expect to hear something so intimate from me.

 

I'm also not the kind of girl who talks about my sex life to even my best girlfriends. Not because we're prudes but because I feel discussing that kind of thing (even though it's all good things) is out of respect for my F. No one needs to imagine my F in that manner but me.

[ascendotum]

I cracked up reading your post. It certainly was not laugh riot for you though at the dinner table. I wonder if she is just really inappropriate (but thought you might have seen signs of that in the prior 4 yrs) or if this is some play to shame you and make you drop any further talk of your MFF fantasy. Very inappropriate imo, especially with the grand daughter there. While a mother can maybe share some sex gossip with her adult daughter, this played out a little differently. It dragged you and your private fantasies into the dining room spotlight and had others sitting there watching the drama unfold. I would have been WTF at the time and pissed off with her afterwards. Lucky you kept those other more twisted fantasies to yourself. lol

 

You deserve that 3some now. So is it going to be on?

[DLM77]

Ah my mistake, I overlooked that detail as I had read the thread earlier and replied a bit later off memory.

 

Wow, quite the history there...and you've been dating for 4 years?

 

Well I can see that she might be more comfortable sharing that kind of information around others, although private...women are known to blabber about personal things to others without the forethought of asking themselves whether something like that would be embarrassing or maybe even private.

 

But that's still crossing the boundary, but after 4 years I can understand more of a comfort level there...I thought you might have just started dating and just met her daughter and her bf.

 

What's weird/funny is your asking about "red flags" after being with this woman 4 years, and she's done this to you before, maybe a bit more blatantly in terms of disrespect which indicates to me she might not have a very high level of respect for you (or maybe even anyone) or at least in tune with your feelings and how things affect you...so are you kind of a push over guy? do you not speak up about these things to her and say "Ima about to Tina Turner yo @ss if you keep talking to me like that!" or something a little less "milder" than that? do you basically express to her how this makes you feel? what other problems have you had with her?

 

Basically I'm wondering where the level of respect and lines are drawn in this relationship, sure you can just suck it up and move forward...forgetting about the whole thing, but you've probably got more going on than just this one thing that occurred recently, at this point she's already had time to settle in and there's a consistency of behavior and treatment already taken place...which makes me wonder, why are you in this relationship? Are the good outweighing the bad? she's got a difficult past to tend with to say it in a nice way, probably not someone I would engage in with a relationship due the issues that are indicative of that behavior as well as the psychological trauma of it.

 

I also wonder what kind of guy you are, and what your history is here.

 

I would not say I was a pushover maybe when I was younger. Not someone who takes **** from anyone actually. As far as who I am...what would you like to know?

[StanMusial]

What a weird bunch. Do you see yourself as part of a weird bunch? Because apparently you are.

[Art_Critic]

At this point I'd be making the fantasy a reality...

 

It seems you will most likely not get her to understand what she did wrong and she feels it was okay to have that discussion so this falls into one of those let's hope it doesn't repeat itself scenarios, if is does then you might rethink the relationship.. while you love her if she doesn't have any respect for you or your feelings then all is for naught anyhow.

[runningfar]

Classy.

 

Her sharing with mutual friends would be embarrassing/crossing boundaries/discussion. This is just... so wrong. In front of her daughter? And a 6 year old????

[Leigh 87]

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

[TheGuard13]

I mean, if it's me, and the daughter says "You want a threesome with my mom?"...if the daughter herself is attractive, I turn to her and say "Yeah, you in?"

 

It could be a particularly intense **** test. Odds are they're both just rude.

[DLM77]

What a weird bunch. Do you see yourself as part of a weird bunch? Because apparently you are.

 

No I don't especially when she acts inapropiatly.

[jimloveslips]

No I don't especially when she acts inapropiatly.

 

Then I'd say you are the perfect couple.

Well, at least she thinks so.

[crederer]

It's a bit weird for sure.

 

My mother and I have quite the open conversations about stuff (even sex) but I'd never in a million years imagine me asking her if she was gunna munch carpet.

 

They obviously have an extremely open relationship, which I think is fine, but it's not fine in that it bothers you. You need to have a conversation about this.

 

Also, for future reference, I find any time an embarrassing thing like this happens, I turn it into a joke and no one knows what is and isn't real at that point (except me and my girl).

[lollipopspot]

I've seen people like this, and families where they're super open about these things. I don't necessarily think that's crossing boundaries if that's normal for them. You just have to decide on your own comfort level with people who share so much.

[nittygritty]

"I've alluded to my gf in the past that I've had fantasies about my gf being with another woman involving a threesome ect..."

 

Is it possible that your girlfriend lost some respect for you when you told her that?

[jimloveslips]

I've seen people like this, and families where they're super open about these things. I don't necessarily think that's crossing boundaries if that's normal for them. You just have to decide on your own comfort level with people who share so much.

 

That's true some are very open. I have a problem with my wires family having no boundaries with period and gyno condos.

 

But I don't think that's the underlining theme here - she did it deliberately to embarrass and compromise him - as evidence by the shocked reaction of the others - they didn't laugh and tease him, they thought he was weird - which is what she wanted them to think.