NHdude Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Hi guys this is my first post... so ill start from the beginning..i was a freshman in college and met this awesome girl at a frat party (i know stupid) we were both sober and spent the whole night till 6am just laying in her bed and talking...we both wanted a real lasting relationship and began 3 months later. summer break comes and im torn to see her go. i stayed over her house for several days a couple of times and she stayed at mine for 2 nights and everytime we were together it was a dream. we wrote letters to each other and hers was like everything she likes about me which made me feel amazing because i never really had that compassion before. we both were so happy and we would talk about what we hope for the future yada yada yada...so now start of sophomore year we go out one night and she was talking to a guy just casually but i was drunk and perceived it wrong and told her i get jealous easily and she made me feel awful saying that i shouldnt feel that way and that it was wrong. never reassured me of anything just got mad at me and then wanted a break...break lasted 2 days and we were back to normal and happiness. since then we have always gotten into fights that were about STUPID things but we would brush them aside and make up, however i had this deep feeling she wasnt what i was looking for for a real, real, real girlfriend. we did everything together and i got a single dorm room for us and she came over everyday and we would just be happy. Lately we have been fighting about stupid things, which she always brought upon me. everytime we would make up I was the one who wanted and strived to fix things, while she just sat there and accepted failure. everytime we fought she would just neglect the actual problem. Im studying mech engineering and am programmed to fix problems so when she just sat there i got soo emotional. she would always tell me she cared about me and on my birthday she wrote me this beautiful card saying how she cant wait to spend our twenties together (were both 20) and she wished she knew me on all my other 19 birthdays...anyways thurdsay night(5days ago) she suggested we go out to dinner. we went, it was amazing seeing the light sparkle in her eyes, and after stopped by a shop and she bought me a sweater bc i got the dinner. she said we really needed this and i was happier than i have ever been, and she couldnt stop smiling. she spent the night in my room and all seemed perfect (no sex). fast forward to friday night and i told her me and my friend were gonna go out to a friends house to hang out and asked if she wanted to come and she said sure. she calls me saying shes at my dorm almost there and i acted surprised because i didnt know she was coming. nothing to hide just surprised. she freaked out because i sounded weird on the phone and when she came in my friend jokingly said we were watching porn. she didnt take that lightly and left..long story short we didnt talk until sunday afternoon when i asked to talk to her. she shows up in my room and i begin once again to fix another stupid problem and she responds with "i cant do this anymore." i was in complete shock and just laid on my bed crying profusely for 4 hours while she was in the room saying its going to be alright youll find someone. i have never felt so crushed.she said she cares too much to hurt me. How can someone who I have shared such intimate feelings with, shared such a connection, talk about the future, be so ruthless? i have always wanted the best for us and made her happy, even if it went against my judgement. here i am 2 days after and im crying while i type this. how can she just be so mean when i was all but good to her? she said what i always dreamed of throughout the relationship(i am so happy i have someone like you, youre the nicest guy on campus, all that wonderful stuff guys love) yet this fight was apparently one too many. she cant handle stress and i cant handle the thought of losing the one person i have shared the most intimate feelings with simply walk away. im scared to face the world alone. i know im young but our relationship made me SO happy. I dont know if she was on the same level.i told her several times before if we ever broke up i couldnt stand to see or hear you, and when she ended things she said she was always here for me and i said i need you now and she just stayed silent. I dont know how to cope with this. i know she wasnt the "one" but it sure damn felt like it. im trying to realize that more and more even though we broke up 2 days ago. im scared to walk around campus alone and come back to this room alone and to go home for the holidays alone when all i can think about is how happy we would be right now...i dont know if im exaggerating her happiness towards me but thats what i interpreted when we werent fighting. i dont know if its just me being fearful of being alone rather than being with her but i cant seem to sit through a lecture without almost bawling my eyes out. any suggestions on how to move on / what do i do if she wants to get back together? my head is pounding and my only solution is hanging with friends. thank you very much for reading
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