melell Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I really think good for you, battling it out is worth it in the end. As long as you don't succumb to it I think there is always going to be an end. It would take me much longer if I there was a tight group of shared friends, I know that for sure. It really doesn't matter though, as long as you keep pushing forward you will 100% fine 1
Author greenfairie Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 I really think good for you, battling it out is worth it in the end. As long as you don't succumb to it I think there is always going to be an end. It would take me much longer if I there was a tight group of shared friends, I know that for sure. It really doesn't matter though, as long as you keep pushing forward you will 100% fine Thank you for your input. Yeah, I'm actually jealous that you don't have a group of friends because sometimes I doubt who the hell I should be hanging out with but I don't want a heartbreak to damage all the friendships I've built and cherished all these years… the heartbreak did damage quite a few friendships but I wanna hold on to the ones I've gotten now. I've definitely found my true friends through this because some people got way too involved with the "drama" between my ex and I because my old best friend is now dating him. So my mutual friends are feeling really uncomfortable with having to deal with all of us because they all know how hurt I am and how weird I am about it all. I had to sit all of them down, tell them how I felt.. I didn't yell, I told them I don't want to talk **** on them with you. They're your friends too. I'm not one to tell you who to be friends with, but to please just not to include me into any more parties or their gatherings for a long while or to not really mention them anymore.. Just at least until I'm healed 100 but I don't know how I can ever be around those two people. It might be possible one day. 1
Jmk21 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I also think of her EVERYDAY Sometimes it's just a passing moment. Other times I wonder how/why she is on my mind all the damn time. I got all the closure I needed with her getting with somebody 2-3 weeks PBU. Sometimes I feel regret looking back like I could of done this this and this. I also feel like she could of talked to me about our problems instead of bottle/bury them and hoping I changed. But honestly in the end, she did put quite a bit into our relationship just not in the way she should of. I just couldn't get over the fact that her ex before me was still around quite a bit and I ended up shutting down/guarding myself It's been 3 months today. I've broken NC twice in a few months but I plan on sticking to it indefinitely 3
xUnknown Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Yep...Everyday. Its been just about 7 weeks post BU - 9 w/ break. So I'm right around that 2 month mark. Broke NC after 17 days, now another 21 days of NC. So far, 2 texts in 38 days of NC. I still can't believe she did this to me, now of all times, when I needed her most (very difficult time in my life). She couldn't put up with it for 6 months? She was selfish. I still think about her ever day. I find myself coming to LS more to help with other peoples problems to help get my mind off things. I feel like 75% of my day goes to thoughts of her. I HATE this. I want to reach out to her to get some sort of better understanding. With her Self esteem issues, I know she isn't going to just come back and reconcile, especially after I told her I can't be friends with her. I want to believe her text/missed call those 3 weeks ago on our "would be" 2 year anniv were her tapping at the front door for me. 1
Jmk21 Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Unknown, I felt the same way when I declined friendship. I had to decline it more than once. I just won't be an option after being her lover. I wonder if I shut the door forever but I know that she shut the door by filling the void so soon. I told her to never contact me again so we will see. It's been almost two weeks since she contacted me last. I really don't care if the door is shut forever though, I boarded up my side of it but it does no good when the door opens the other way 1
Haydn Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Yes i miss her her, but she will never put me through this again. Soon i wont miss her and everyday is better. Keep fighting. 1
xUnknown Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Unknown, I felt the same way when I declined friendship. I had to decline it more than once. I just won't be an option after being her lover. I wonder if I shut the door forever but I know that she shut the door by filling the void so soon. I told her to never contact me again so we will see. It's been almost two weeks since she contacted me last. I really don't care if the door is shut forever though, I boarded up my side of it but it does no good when the door opens the other way I hear ya...I'd still like her apart of my life...she felt the same way. When she left after BU I told her I wished her the best of luck in the future, she said "I want you to be apart of it some day". idk, Some friends think I should contact her in a month and a half..like after new years. They too saw this as a surprise and think it would be good just to talk as normal people, not about the past not about the future, just as two random strangers...although I know she would bring it up. They were saying feel out the thought of friendship then...when I'm not so "on edge" about things. They (and I agree) that there was just so much of our lives between us that yes, this may be the end of a relationship for now...but not out of my life forever. I think this idea stems from them agreeing that I shut the door on her, shut the door on the friendship, the thought for a chance in the future. If I make contact at least I took that risk...They said, maybe that will give you even more closure, you'll see her in a different light and realize, why did I even want to be with her or want a second chance. I don't know though... Edited November 20, 2013 by xUnknown 2
LadyM Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I still think about my ex and it's been over a year already. I hate that he's in my thoughts at all as he really doesn't deserve a moment of my time. He certainly isn't thinking about me. At least I don't think about him constantly anymore. It seemed like those incessant 24/7 thoughts would never stop, but they finally eased up some. It was maddening. I was in denial for a long time, figuring he would come to his senses and come back to me. But that was not to be... 1
Author greenfairie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I still think about my ex and it's been over a year already. I hate that he's in my thoughts at all as he really doesn't deserve a moment of my time. He certainly isn't thinking about me. At least I don't think about him constantly anymore. It seemed like those incessant 24/7 thoughts would never stop, but they finally eased up some. It was maddening. I was in denial for a long time, figuring he would come to his senses and come back to me. But that was not to be… I was in the same boat as you, Lady M. It's been over a year for me too and I STILL find myself thinking about him. It's not as crazy as it was before so THAT shows me something that I AM moving on in the right direction. I was honestly worried that I needed help. I went out to see a therapist, I still see her today and she assured me I've gotten over him, I'm just still struggling to find my own identity of my own since I was with him for so long, so many of my experiences were enmeshed with him in the picture and I was truly in love. I hate that I have to think about him too. Did he hurt you badly? My ex pretty much put a knife through my heart and twisted it all the way to make sure my heart just exploded out of my chest and IN my back as well plus feeling nauseous for weeks thinking about what he did. One of the worst feelings ever.
LadyM Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I was in the same boat as you, Lady M. It's been over a year for me too and I STILL find myself thinking about him. It's not as crazy as it was before so THAT shows me something that I AM moving on in the right direction. I was honestly worried that I needed help. I went out to see a therapist, I still see her today and she assured me I've gotten over him, I'm just still struggling to find my own identity of my own since I was with him for so long, so many of my experiences were enmeshed with him in the picture and I was truly in love. I hate that I have to think about him too. Did he hurt you badly? My ex pretty much put a knife through my heart and twisted it all the way to make sure my heart just exploded out of my chest and IN my back as well plus feeling nauseous for weeks thinking about what he did. One of the worst feelings ever. I was worried that I would NEVER stop thinking about him EVERY waking moment. I am sure I cried every single day and it could be anywhere at all. It felt like insanity. My male friend assured me that matters of the heart can be sticky and take time to heal - he was sure I would be fine. That's all I had to go on, and he was right, because now, finally, the thoughts aren't as relentless and I can concentrate on other things. He was very critical of me the last few months and there were indications he was getting restless and looking around for other women. He finally met, and left me for, a rich, professional woman from a famous family. My self-esteem plummeted to way below zero for the entire year. It killed me that he had the good luck to meet someone of her caliber who possessed the qualities he had always longed for in a partner. So, yes, he indeed hurt me badly. But the good news is we are BOTH on the right track to recovery! That we are not thinking about them constantly is excellent progress and I think each month that passes will bring about more improvements. It won't be smooth sailing all the way, but I think we are definitely over the worst of it. We should compare notes in another year and I have a feeling (and sure hope) we'll both be in a MUCH better place! 1
Riou Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think of her sometimes,maybe once few days. The ex before this ex,i think of her as a sweet memory from time to time because she was a better person than my recent ex.
Author greenfairie Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I was worried that I would NEVER stop thinking about him EVERY waking moment. I am sure I cried every single day and it could be anywhere at all. It felt like insanity. My male friend assured me that matters of the heart can be sticky and take time to heal - he was sure I would be fine. That's all I had to go on, and he was right, because now, finally, the thoughts aren't as relentless and I can concentrate on other things. He was very critical of me the last few months and there were indications he was getting restless and looking around for other women. He finally met, and left me for, a rich, professional woman from a famous family. My self-esteem plummeted to way below zero for the entire year. It killed me that he had the good luck to meet someone of her caliber who possessed the qualities he had always longed for in a partner. So, yes, he indeed hurt me badly. But the good news is we are BOTH on the right track to recovery! That we are not thinking about them constantly is excellent progress and I think each month that passes will bring about more improvements. It won't be smooth sailing all the way, but I think we are definitely over the worst of it. We should compare notes in another year and I have a feeling (and sure hope) we'll both be in a MUCH better place! I know exactly how you feel. I feel that rejection and worthlessness.. like "Who am I if you don't want me anymore?" "Am I not good enough for you anymore?" It sucks but that eventually eases down.. we ARE beautiful inside and out. I have to remind my self that sometimes lol. I remember it was horrible just finding out from mutual friends and I had to shut out everyone for weeks, just sitting in my bathtub, reading books, writing, and painting, and basically isolating myself but that was all before summer began… Summer was amazing and kept myself around good company.. a lot of good times and good memories to remember years from now.. so yeah, after this summer ended, I realized how lucky I am and months ago, I was in a darker hole where i couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.. Totally! I agree, I think about that too. I hope next year will even be better for us, emotionally and everything else!
Author greenfairie Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 I hear ya...I'd still like her apart of my life...she felt the same way. When she left after BU I told her I wished her the best of luck in the future, she said "I want you to be apart of it some day". idk, Some friends think I should contact her in a month and a half..like after new years. They too saw this as a surprise and think it would be good just to talk as normal people, not about the past not about the future, just as two random strangers...although I know she would bring it up. They were saying feel out the thought of friendship then...when I'm not so "on edge" about things. They (and I agree) that there was just so much of our lives between us that yes, this may be the end of a relationship for now...but not out of my life forever. I think this idea stems from them agreeing that I shut the door on her, shut the door on the friendship, the thought for a chance in the future. If I make contact at least I took that risk...They said, maybe that will give you even more closure, you'll see her in a different light and realize, why did I even want to be with her or want a second chance. I don't know though... Love makes us do things we wouldn't normally do… I agree with your friends too, its best to just act like nothing happened because why would you wanna be around someone that has so much animosity towards you??? It's confusing. It's better to discuss all of that later on once you get used to being friends again.
30andsad Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think about her everyday. In fact, I'm thinking of her right now. Just got done watching the Doctor Who special "An Adventure in Time and Space." We are both big Whovians, felt so weird watching it without her and not being able to ask her opinion and get excited about it. Makes Friday night tonight all the more lonely.
Transplant Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Most days- it's been nearly 4 months since breakup, close to two months of NC; our lives were magnificently and tragically entangled. After eight years, four universities and three countries we still managed to be feverishly happy. Our memory has a fantastical way with trickery though, especially under the influence of heartache and time. Some days I look back with fondness and thanksgiving while other days I wish I never met her smile eight years ago. The faceless girl that I wanted finally had a face but I think, after time, it's more about missing the intangibles (feelings of happiness, excitement, etc.) that we assume came with this person, rather than the person themselves. I suppose it could have been any girl, but for some reason the signs and stars aligned with this one. The next one might be better or might be worse, but I know it won't be her. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think about various EXs every so often. Dating them made me who I am. Different ones brought different skills & experiences into my life & sometimes things pop up that trigger memories. Often when I hear music by an artist that was an EX's favorite, I'll think about him. I met one EX while watching Forrest Gump at somebody's house; that movie will always be tied to that guy in my head. Two of my favorite things in life are Dalmatians & Pepsi. I fully expect that when my EXs see those things they have fleeting memories of me. One guy actually told me that for a year after we broke up he would only drink Coke. Now those are happy memories. In the immediate aftermath of a break up everything is raw & painful. It also doesn't mean that just because a re-run of Gremlins is on TV & I remember my 1st date with my HS BF that I want him back or don't love my husband.
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