mendsley Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I went drinking with some friends and I received and email from my ex about some basketball deal for my son. Well my drunk ass told her I missed her and was "hoping" she would recripicate the feeling. Well all I got was jack ****. WTF? Why would she send me an email about some stupid **** about basketball and then ignore me. ****! This bitch is confusing me. Whats wierd is I actually feel alright about it... maybe it some small bit of closure. Or the beer is helping, lol. We'll see.
AnyaNova Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 I went drinking with some friends and I received and email from my ex about some basketball deal for my son. Well my drunk ass told her I missed her and was "hoping" she would recripicate the feeling. Well all I got was jack ****. WTF? Why would she send me an email about some stupid **** about basketball and then ignore me. ****! This bitch is confusing me. Whats wierd is I actually feel alright about it... maybe it some small bit of closure. Or the beer is helping, lol. We'll see. Several points here. :-) Forgive me if I administer some tough love. Stings when you get it, but sometimes, it really can help in the long term. 1) When you are in an emotionally vulnerable place at all, drinking might not be a great idea. Perhaps wait on the drinking more than 1 drink or so until you are fully recovered from the breakup? Any mental impairment whether drunkenness (or in my fun case, vitamin depletion) brings on the breakup crazy. Best avoid the breakup crazy (you know, start actin' like a lady..ha ha--or in your case--a dude, but that gets in the way of the lyrics). 2) IGNORE. IGNORE. IGNORE. Unless she is your ex-wife (forgive me if she is and I've forgotten) and the mother of your son, you have no obligations to her and she should leave you and your son alone. I am positively sure that if your son enjoys basketball greatly, he will already know the deal, and probably already has for six months without her help. She is not letting you heal as you need to. And it is not because she has some major thing that she is asking for help with (that is, you know, actually real), it is not because of some life or death thing. It is a basketball deal. She is checking, I am assuming, to see if you are still on the hook. And you gave her a positive yes. You deserve your autonomy to heal, and you deserve the self-confidence that will come from not remaining her emotional anchor (even if it is just the ego-boost in getting a response from you). 3) Here is the sad fact. It is one I had to face down with Tim. no matter what the freaking impediments may be to whatever feelings he may have had for me at one time, whatever the impediments were are too large, and/or his feelings to minimal to provide the impetus to make him want to come back and put the effort into winning me back. It is as likely to happen as a pink elephant parade on my desk. In other words, never. It is the same with your ex. If she truly cared, if she truly missed you, she'd be beating down your door metaphorically speaking to let you know. I know. The silence at your door, and the lack of meaningful material on your phone is depressing. It is time to face it down. 4) The beer, I am sure, right now is helping. There probably may be a crash coming, even if it is delayed a few days. If one happens, do not despair, it is not the end of the world. It is your healing process. 5) I cannot say this enough. Block her texts, block her phone number, block her everything (unless you can't because she's the mother of your son). Go true NC. It is painful, but necessary. The only way to have a relationship again with anyone, whether her or anyone else, is to truly heal from her, so that you can choose (and not your love-addled-chemically-addicted-brain choosing for you) whoever you want and have a completely new relationship with whoever you choose. Quite likely, as you begin to heal, you will want a relationship with her less and less. Seems horrible now, but it will become good later on. 6) Give up every last inch, centimeter, micrometer, nanometer, and a thousand times small piece than that of hope. As soon as possible. You cannot recover until you do so. You cannot even begin to recover until you do so. 7) Trust me on this. Look to your future self. I can look back and wish that I'd completely given up hope on September 7th, because I'm pretty sure by October 7th, or perhaps the 21-ish by the latest, I would be closer to where I am now, or much farther on. I clung to the hope like a life raft. The only thing that could save me. Killing me more like it. Choose life! 2
Author mendsley Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Thank you for your feedback. I feel really sad and like a dumbass at the same time. I guess I need to listen better to you all. Tomorrow will suck.
AnyaNova Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 Thank you for your feedback. I feel really sad and like a dumbass at the same time. I guess I need to listen better to you all. Tomorrow will suck. I thought I had replied to you again. Apologies! Don't go too hard on the self-blame, that will feed into the self-confidence issues, and then the self-confidence will desire to be restored by desiring to restore the relationship. Bad cycle ensues. Pick yourself up. Learn from it. And consider this. She contacted you. Yes, in the moment, you responded. In a moment where you were intoxicated. Who knows if you would have had you been sober. But, you did not contact her first. There is a little success in that, and something that you can hold your pride on. And next time she gets in contact with you, text a friend instead of her!
Author mendsley Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 You know I never really thought about it, but my self-confidence is hammered right now. This really did screw me up, but you're right, I need to pick myself up. I just blocked her email and phone number so this doesn't happen again. I guess the positive thing I see in all this is I recognize my childhood issues are affecting how I choose relationships as a 36 year old adult. Thanks again for talking with me, although its the internet, this did help :-)
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